SC’s mum keeping/ruining clothes

Why do they spend so little time at their dad's house?

Every other weekend and half the holidays wouldn't be much even if everything was fine at their mum's, but if she isn't dressing them appropriately (in clothes that are clean, weather appropriate and fit them properly) then I'd be worried about other areas of neglect.

What can you do?
Until now you just answer 'can't'.

If you (or your OH)
just stop buying new things then problem solved really. Kids will kick up a fuss if nearly teens and will make sure they don’t have to wear uniform out with you on a Sunday.

Yes. You can. You can plan your day so you go home and change. It's no fun but you can do it. Or simply change in the car in front of their mum's house. It's your choice.

Or you can carry on paying new clothes For every sunday for 3 kids.

But - shopping if you choose to go on can be done very cheap only buying secondhand/primark if you only need the clothes to fit. You have no reason to go for nice.

Isbt the answer that they change Sunday evening after their day out with you and on way to mum’s? Nice clothes go home with you. They wear mum clothes/pyjamas back home to her

Not sure why you keep saying ‘I bought this’ ‘I keep buying new outfits ‘

isn’t your OH paying for this stuff? Or dealing with this issue.

It does change when they get older as they want their clothes at both houses. This works for 50/50. But not sure if they are at yours only 2 nights out of 14.

Clothes rotation can be really tricky. You have my sympathies.
I feel awful attempting to stop my kids from wearing their lovely newly purchased clothes to their dad’s as I know they won’t wear it back for months and then it will likely be outgrown or stained. I’ve done a Primark haul but that will go the same way too.
had one dropped off in a summer dress, no tights, no leggings. Why he didn’t say it’s not suitable for the chilly weather I don’t know. And I’d feel ridiculous sending them back in it.
Rarely do they come to mind in new clothes…

Tbh not your hill to die in if you and your dh have them four night a months.
Just don't engage with it if you don't want (or can) pay replacements for mum's way to dress the children.

Have you tried asking the children to pack a set of clothes to go home and on Sunday into their school bags on a Friday?

If they're old enough to care about not going home in school uniform, they're old enough to bring something else

No, they shouldn't have to
Yes, their mother should be less of bitch

One you have some control over and the other you don't have any

I’d probably avoid sending them back in uniform for the reasons you’ve stated.

I’d get multipacks of tshirts and leggings from somewhere like Asda and send them back in those, plus the coat. You can get 5 t shirts for £9 in Asda, so I’d do that.

Wrecking/nicking clothes is a classic tactic. My friend’s ex used to pick her dd up from school every other Friday. He’d keep her school dress every time so my friend had to keep buying new school dresses. Really awful behaviour.

Have you considered asking the kids to bring the clothes to your house so you can wash and they can look good for the weekend ? It means having to carry an extra bag to and from school but the situation is untenable. Or they drop off a bag of your clothing when you drop them off on a Sunday so that you can wash and have them ready for the next weekend. The last alternative is that you pick up after school once they’ve changed and brought some washing so they have weekend clothes.

I learnt to wash & put aside and return them in the exact clothes they arrived in ...
I understand you don't want to put them in school stuff on Sunday, but I would shower them and put on Fridays 'mum' underwear pants/vest/socks and either PJs or white t-shirt & school bottoms.

Then buy a new pack of knickers/socks/vests to keep at yours - you only need 2 of each.

I also return in same coat/shoes.

Dad calls me every name going...and to the kids, but years of rebuying nice clothes that were lost/stained/kept on dad's weekend I got harsh.

The simple answer is to have the children stay an extra night, or Saturday to Monday.

As they are only with you 4 nights a month then surely the obvious thing is to increase o 6 and have them on the Sunday night too. You keep everything they need at home and DH gets an extra night with them plus gets to play a part of their school-drop offs (not for a minute suggesting you do this BTW!)

You've not seen the post about the period stained second hand underwear, have you?

Agree if return time is eve send back in pjs.

You need to stop that. There is no need to be spending so much.

When you see that the girls have no weekend clothes or their drawers are running low, your DP needs to send a message to his exW asking that she send (or he can pick up) enough clothes and underwear for them for the coming weekend - Friday evening, Saturday, Sunday.

Or he could suggest they stay Sunday night and he can bring them to school on Mondays, in their uniforms.

This is a DP and ex communication problem. He doesn't need to accuse her of ruining clothes. He just needs to state that certain clothes were bought for the girls to use during his parenting time (these can be marked with a red stitch in a seam, etc) and ask that these clothes be sent back once a month or every two weeks in a clean condition. That is not unreasonable - it gives her time to wash and dry the clothes and have them packed. Or ask that she sends alternative clothes in a clean condition with the girls, or arrange for clothing pick up or drop off.

If there's no positive response to his suggestion, and if you think it's a big enough problem, your DP can suggest mediation to work it out.

do they go back sunday evening? What about sending in pj's?

But you can't expect that OP buys new clothes for every Sunday handover.
I wouldn't and just send them home in uniforms or whatever clothes they came in.

Missed the post on period stained clothing, that is just vile.
poor children.