SC’s mum keeping/ruining clothes

As much as DM is not playing ball, your Oh is in the position of Disney dad, keep them until Monday morning, school drops, job done. He is doing the minium required.

You can go on vinted and buy things. Youll get more bang for your buck, as opposed to going to Zara or whatever high street shop you buy clothes at.

Or SEND THEM BACK IN UNIFORM!

For me it would be a non starter. It would be uniform or some old clothes. Not the nice brand new ones youre never going to see again

Polite message to ask for clothes back. Every time.

To go home, get multipacks of supermarket tracksuits. T shirts. Etc. If they get damaged these are still fine as garden clothes. You can get 100 per cent cotton ones. I think some are sports gear for schools. Just don’t get them in their school colours.

Not fair on the kids to dress them in uniform at the weekend.

Is the mother cognitively impaired? Why doesn't she care if her kids are wearing rags?

I know you don't WANT to send them home in uniform but that sounds like the only choice.

Does she maintain the uniform attire well or does that get treated like trash, too?

She has 3 children to sort. She might not be able to have the same high level as you.
Don't engage with what she does or not. It's not worth it.

My ex causes endless issues with this. Kids sent back in rags.

Though to play devil’s advocate, if they come in uniform and leave in a set of clothes then this is going to happen, even if she was the best parent possible.

could you get them all pyjamas or something that they get dropped off in? They could bring them back on the Friday in their backpack.

or ask the mum to pack a change of clothes for coming back. She is getting their school uniform washed and ironed as well so it’s not a big deal.

if you get push back, you may have to suck it up and buy a handover outfit - and agree that with the mum.she’ll struggle to disagree if you pay. But just get a basic set of clothes from primark.

So frustrating isn’t it - we have sent countless pairs of trainers and school shoes back with DSS and they never surface again. Once his Mum even had the cheek to ask for money for a replacement about a fortnight after we’d already got some - she had BINNED them, claiming they were faulty (in which case DH could have returned them) they were Clark’s too, not cheap. i think she just doesn’t like them. Same with coats etc, it’s really difficult as you want the children to benefit but don’t want to waste money.

DSS also used to have swimming lessons at school on changeover day and his Mum never returned the towels 🤣 she must have had 20 odd of our towels! It was ridiculous- then she had the cheek to return what must have been her own with hair dye when we asked. I don’t dye my hair so it wasn’t mine!!

Dont be ridiculous. Its the only thing to do.
She wil soon learn that the only clothes she ruins are the ones she buys

The answer is. Don't.

Send them back in uniform. I know loads of people who do this for the reasons you’ve stated

This. Surely the underwear is the easiest issue to sort as they can easily re-wear whatever they arrive in on a Friday on a Sunday? No-one can see their pants presumably. Though obviously the blood stained ones would be a no - I assume all three girls aren't arriving every time they come in blood stained knickers. And if they are, you need to speak with Social Services.

Yes it is unfair but it's their own mother causing the problem and their father sounds afraid to stand up to her and solve the issue. It's the kind and thoughtful StepMum who is paying the price (literally) and she's the person who all of this is most unfair on.

Wtf can we do about this other than sending them back on Sundays in school uniform?

This

First answer nails it.

I think from previous posts the OP has made, the clothes that their mum is sending them in is really poor quality/worn out hand me downs from friends or bundles from vinted. She has said the kids are often in clothes way too big or small for them and she has even had them sent in trousers/pants wifh period stains, despite the kids not having their periods yet.

I would imagine the clothes are just so worn out before they are purchased/given that by the time they are worn frequently they are just getting ruined. I did also used to have a washing machine that kept making holes in my clothes so that might be happening here if she has an heavily used one.

The clothes that the OP boys are nice and new so the kids probably wear these on repeat and as a result they get worn out quickly as well.

If you drop off you could say run in and swap into pjs and bring your clothes out so I can get them washed and ironed ready for next time so you can wear them. If they get picked up why don’t you say let’s swap you into pjs so you can relax in the car and I can put them in the wash now.

Primark cheap underwear is less than £1.
Wash the underwear they arrive in Friday and put it on Sunday.

It's such a tricky one as there's not really any way to fix it without impacting the kids. Presumably she keeps the school uniforms looking OK and it sounds like the kids aren't tiny so I can't work out why stuff is getting so ripped/stained/worn in a short space of time. Even my 4 yo doesn't manage that!

I'd do a few things - your OH needs to keep neutrally asking for clothes back, ignore backlash from mum. Just keep periodically texting "please could you send some of the clothes purchased for DC back?".

I'd also buy some bundles on Vinted. You don't have to make a big deal of them being second hand, just say you've bought them a few new bits, washed them and put them in their drawers. I buy things for DD 4 and DS 12 on Vinted and often they're really lovely and don't look especially worn especially if they had an iron (I don't do ironing!). Obviously that doesn't help with pants though.

I'd also look out for deals on packs of leggings/hoodies etc and also pants at Tesco/Asda/Primark. I saw quite a few things I thought my nieces (8 and 10) would wear in Matalan, a lot of sporty clothes that looked fairly decent.

Maybe you could also see if you (or your OH) can start work a bit later every other Monday to drop them straight to school.

This is what I think - they’re their clothes so I wouldn’t say “this can’t go to Dad” even if it annoys me I might not see it again!

I think you are being too soft. Either you suck it up and except you will forever be buying clothes or you need to tell the SC that the clothes stay at your house and they don’t have the option to keep them at their mums as they never come back and you can’t afford to keep replacing them.

I know they are at their mums most of the time but in reality it’s only 2 weekends a month they would need nice clothes for when with their mum. Surely during the week they are in uniform and then chilling at home. They can just wear the clothes she buys them before bed when know one else can see them. Or what you could do is forego the clothes already purchased and let those stay at their mums (they must have enough for a weeks worth by now and they obviously won’t be coming back) and then you buy fresh for your house starting the next time the kids are there but don’t let them go home with them.

Maybe from now on you could also give them some money/shopping trip for Xmas and birthdays that they can use to buy some nice clothes that they can keep at their mums, that way they won’t feel the need to take the ones from yours?

You need to get over yourself and bring them out in stained and ripped clothing.

Mum may not be behaving well, but quite frankly, you have a mental block here that is costing you serious money every month, and it is entirely within your power to get past it.

Ah ok. My kids just bring stuff they want to have at either given house back and forth if they want it.

I think they have to understand that you aren’t a bottomless pit of money, and that you can’t keep replacing nice things. So it’s either bring it with them or don’t have it to wear!

Save buying nice clothes for occasions and just buy a bunch of Primark underwear, t shirts and trackies/leggings. Poor kids. The pants thing is disgusting.