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Original poster

SC’s mum keeping/ruining clothes

237 replies

CrookShanx · 18/03/2025 13:52

I have three SDs, great kids, no issues with them. All primary age.

We have them every other weekend and in the holidays. DP pays CMS and for half extra costs like uniforms or trips, he’s not a high earner. We buy all they need for our house.

They arrive on Fridays in uniform which gets washed and sent back with the underwear or coat they were wearing. They go to mum’s on Sundays in our clothes. They’re supposed to return these clothes next time, but this happens maybe 50% of the time and what comes back is often stained, ripped or just never returns.

I spent £500 at Christmas on new clothes for them all (high street, not designer so this was about five outfits each plus coats, shoes and underwear) and they’ve got barely anything left here. To the extent that last weekend I had to go and buy pants despite buying them each ten pairs at Christmas.

Wtf can we do about this other than sending them back on Sundays in school uniform?

OP posts:
SillySallie · 18/03/2025 14:07

We had this too, we sent them back in the clothing they came in as we were often having to go out and buy new things every time the children came. It wasn’t the children’s fault but we simply couldn’t afford to be replacing things on a weekly basis and they never came with spare clothing.

Original poster
CrookShanx · 18/03/2025 14:06

I don’t want to send them back in school uniform if we can help it as this feels really petty and a bit demeaning for them.

Someone mentioned they’ll be teenagers soon, but surely the problem will be even worse then. SC want to keep the “nice clothes” at their mum’s because their clothes at mum’s are awful. She’s getting second-hand bundles from somewhere and everything is worn, stained, holes, wrong size, not styles SDs like…

OP posts:
RandomWordsThrownTogether · 18/03/2025 14:04

Buy some cheap secondhand clothes bundles on vinted and get them to change into outfits from that when handing them back. Or go to Primark and get leggings and things from the sale rack! What age are the kids?

MumChp · 18/03/2025 14:03

lunar1 · 18/03/2025 13:59

Can you keep them till Monday morning and drop them at school, then there is no need for the clothes to go there unless the children specifically want something to.

please don’t do as the previous poster says and put them in uniform on a Sunday to go back, their mothers issue with clothes isn’t their fault.

But what can you do?
Is it OP and dad's responsibility
to pay for clothes on every Sunday handover only to be ruined? For 3 children. I won't but it's painful mum cares so little about the children.

Jshrbt · 18/03/2025 14:00

Sorry to go against others but don’t send them back in uniform - that’s very confusing and pretty awful for the kids. They will look back on that as you being petty no matter how you try to explain it

WearyAuldWumman · 18/03/2025 13:59

MumChp · 18/03/2025 13:58

The clothes she handed back to OP ruined. I wouldn't worry about that but the easy answer is, yes, uniforms for handover.

Show quote history

Good point, yes - could use the ruined clothes.

lunar1 · 18/03/2025 13:59

Can you keep them till Monday morning and drop them at school, then there is no need for the clothes to go there unless the children specifically want something to.

please don’t do as the previous poster says and put them in uniform on a Sunday to go back, their mothers issue with clothes isn’t their fault.

Jshrbt · 18/03/2025 13:58

Do you pick them up from school? We started picking up from mums house and getting DSC to change out of uniform or stand at mums door and specifically ask for certain clothes as you’ve not got any left.
It gets easier when they’re teenagers as they’ll chose clothes to bring which I know feels far off but this isn’t forever

MumChp · 18/03/2025 13:58

WearyAuldWumman · 18/03/2025 13:57

I'd send them back in uniform. I know that you don't want to, but it's the only answer.

If you send them back in old clothes, etc she's likely to try to turn it back on you.

The clothes she handed back to OP ruined. I wouldn't worry about that but the easy answer is, yes, uniforms for handover.

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 18/03/2025 13:58

I had exactly the same thing.

I was sending dc in properly fitted, weather appropriate clothes and he was sending them back in stuff that was too small or out of season.

I asked him nicely to return the clothes, or at least send them back in the equivalent and was told to bugger off.

There's really not a lot you can do without being accused of being petty about clothes unfortunately. I just asked my dcs dad to bring them clothes here and he waited while they got changed, or if I was dropping off I would get them to run in and do a quick change and give me the clothes back.

He bitched about it, but tough luck. Just do what you have to.

WearyAuldWumman · 18/03/2025 13:57

I'd send them back in uniform. I know that you don't want to, but it's the only answer.

If you send them back in old clothes, etc she's likely to try to turn it back on you.

MumChp · 18/03/2025 13:55

Don't send your clothes out of your home.

Change then into uniform before leaving. Or change them into clothes you don't care about. Not nice clothes.
Mum won't change. You can do nothing.