Seeing both families equally

I don't blame you for not wanting to go for a family get together without your dog, they are a part of the family. Your brother is being daft to miss the opportunity for his children to get used to dogs and understand the love and joy they bring! Perhaps you could just play down your involvement with your husbands family, in order to keep your parents happy..

Totally reasonable to not want a dog around a baby. YABU

Given your updates, maybe now is the time to give back to your family and prioritise doing things their way fir a bit.

As a non dog owner (if that’s what it’s called) I personally would have found it uncomfortable if you wanted to bring the dog to meet their baby etc. I’m assuming your DB and his partner decided they didn’t want the dog around their baby and you said OK I won’t come then

I don't think you need to see both families equally, but I do think that your parents were in a very difficult position between you and your brother. If your brother refused to let his kids be around a dog, I don't see how your parents could possibly have overridden him and insisted that they were?

Do you mean if your DB invited you over to meet their baby, you would of wanted to bring your dog to their house?

I don’t understand- you didn’t spend time with your family because they favoured your brother but you don’t want to be with them because your brother and family aren’t there to make it livelier?

Why can't you leave the dog at home with DP now and again? You aren't sewn together.

Where are these lovely days out you are having with MIL, nieces and nephews and the dogs?

You don’t “owe” them anything, and bring exactly equal isn’t practical, but I can completely sympathise with your mother and her obvious hurt. You find her and your father “boring” but you also won’t compromise over leaving the dog behind sometimes to see your wider family. I think describing it as being “frozen out” is pretty misleading when it’s clear you were welcome just not with the dog.

Maybe to people who like dogs or who think they’re equivalent to people it makes sense. To me you’ve sacrificed family relationships for a pet. And describing spending time with your parents as boring is fairly obviously going to hurt their feelings.

You are coming across as a bit self-centered. You don’t go anywhere without your dog and your parents are boring so unless they entertain you in a specific way you don’t want to spend time with them. I mean, to each their own, but if you feel this way then I guess you won’t have any issue telling your parents this and I’m guessing they will be sure to leave you alone after that.

Not unreasonable to not want to spend equal time with each family. That sounds impractical and petty.

you are being unreasonable to bring your dog “everywhere”. Don’t you work/ go for meals/ dentist/ hospital/ the gym/ swimming/ church/ food shopping/ cinema/ have friends who are allergic etc.

I couldn’t have my child around dogs for a long time due to their allergies, I’d be upset if an auntie or uncle didn’t care about that

Hi OP,

Of course you don’t owe them your time. In reality most people don’t have it even as often one set of in laws lives much nearer than the other etc.

Can I ask what dog you have? If you are about to drip feed an XL Bully then it sounds more reasonable from your brother! Was he and his wife ok with dog pre-baby?

Whatever the dog tbh I think you could be a bit more flexible. Could you not arrange for a dog friend to look after the pooch for a few hours?

Saying that having a roast at your parents is boring and a chore does come across a bit spoilt. I feel there might be more to all this. However, no one can force you to be with your family.