Stepchildren and uni costs

I guess to keep the peace with his ex wife? No idea, but a good point nonetheless

Would it be cleaner to stop CM but with the expectation that Dad tops up the loan and mum supports him when he’s at home? Don’t know if the figures would work but it’s a way of breaking the tie of CM but still recognising that she is keeping him for several months of the year.

The glory of stepchildren becoming adults is you no longer have to appease the ex wife!

You should be very clear with her that maintenance stops when he finishes sixth form, and very clear with him that any arrangement he makes with his mum should form part of his budget.

It’s good that he’s catastrophising. Means he’s thinking ahead!

You don't need to 'keep the peace' the kid will be an adult. As long as you do the best by your step son that's all the matters. It is not up to you to subsidise the ex! Don't waste your money on her, invest your money in him!

I've got DC at uni and basically they need at least the maximum loan amount to live on, we top our DCs up to that level as their maintenance loan doesn't even cover accommodation.
They live for free at home out of term time and we usually drive them to and from uni so they have no train fares.
The maintenance loan has risen with Inflation for years so tbh it is no longer a realistic amount to live on, even at top amount it's tight.
I would say he has to be realistic about uni accommodation and shop around, and possibly rule out unis with expensive living costs.
If he can get a part time job beforehand and save that would be ideal. Some retail jobs allow you to transfer between branches between uni and home.
Finding a job at uni is harder than you think, very competitive and also can make it difficult to come home at Xmas etc.
Jobs on campus are a good bet.
I think transferring maintenance from the mum to him is a good idea, he will need financial(as well as practical and emotional) support from his parents.
Where will he live when not at uni? if it's not at yours then DH should still pay some maintenance out of term time so he can pass any living/food costs onto his mum.
Basically they need supporting financially throughout uni ( uni loan system is based on them receiving parental financial support - parents income is declared and used to calculate the maintenance loan they will get) and beyond graduation until are in full-time work.
Parenting doesn't stop at 18 and ime they will need you throughout early adulthood.

Things they need to consider is length of contract, when yr2 deposit due. Cost of societies. How much laundry is. General budgeting - food, travel. Jobs - he can work this summer for a decent buffer.
Personally I found this period of life required parental time to get them launched successfully.
We had lots of conversations and researched things together. Going to the uni offer days was very helpful.

This. Where he spends his holidays and whether he pays digs anywhere on top of his rent is his responsibility to decide as an adult.

I am not sure why you'll pay his mum when he is home? CM isn't a legal requirement at uni, so just ramp up what you pay him term time?

Has he also considered whether uni is the best next step as there are some amazing apprenticeships depending on what he wants to do. Get him to look at what the big companies offer as many if them start their apprentices on 20 grand. Much better than student loans.

It sounds like he needs support from his dad. Has Dad been to open or offer days with him.
Explain what he gets and what dad will top up.
Look at accommodation costs and choose wisely. How much is accommodation yr2 and 3. He’s 17 and needs guidance it’s a big step.

(And he’ll still have to pay rent during holidays in his uni town if he’s not in halls, so why would you pay his mum instead of him?)

YANBU to sit him down and go through his budget, potential jobs he could apply for and credit that’ll be available to him.

How much time does he spend with you and are you expecting that pattern to continue when he’s at uni? I wouldn’t be continuing to pay CMS to his mum; apart from a few months in the first summer I didn’t come home from uni at all other than the occasional weekend.

How much will he have to live off of altogether?

My two get the minimum and we top up by £6k (so about 10.5 - 11 k total)per year and they manage fine. (We also pay mobile plus top them up with shopping from time to time when we go visit etc plus they live with us for free during the uni holidays)

One ekes that money out and doesn't work -lives quite a simple life.

One works pretty much full time during Uni holidays and splashes out on overseas holidays and disposable fashion.

The only thing I can see being an issue is that presumably his DM is on a lowish income as he gets quite a high loan. Is she going to be able to afford to support him during holidays if you remove the maintenance? She might need to ask him for rent during holidays to make ends meet.

Then yanbu. He needs to learn to cut his cloth.

Can he find a uni where he can live at home?

My DD received lowest maintenance loan. We paid her accommodation and gave her £200 per month during term time, she worked most of the time at uni,

My approach has been to top up to max loan. One dc has ended up with substantially more as she gets the London loan and the discrepancy is higher. The eldest 3 have all picked different paths so have different ways of dealing with their funding - one went to v cheap uni and has worked a bit but doesn’t need to work to live ( didn’t work at all in final year), one went to a more expensive city and worked (and needed the work), and the London child took a year out and worked full time for approx 14 months before starting (also worked when there but for extra rather than rent and food). Youngest is looking at apprenticeship and idk what is really “fair” in terms of financial support as his siblings have had quite a lot. They have to know exactly the amount that they will have through the loan and parental top ups before applying so can make sensible choices - it’s not fair to encourage a naive 17yo with no job to apply to Bath or Edinburgh if there is no financial plan in place - you cannot live in lots of university cities on max loan alone. The plan does not have to be “go to Hull instead of Imperial” - it can be “work and save some money” or “take a year out” or “don’t apply to the posh new halls that are £100 a week more than the ones down the road”. I think you need to be absolutely blatant about what you are prepared to give. It’s not fair to hint and suggest and leave them anxious. If mum and dad are going to fund to top of loan between them and you are happy to give £150 a month extra then tell him and tell him that’s his lot and if he needs extra he will need to work. If his mum and dad aren’t going to top up to max loan then he is going to struggle. If his rent is covered by the loan and you are giving him £300 a month then even without working he won’t starve. One thing is he may need a lump sum as deposit for 2nd year accommodation quite early in first year so may come looking for an advance .

What I'm trying to understand is whether he will have the equivalent of the full student loan with what he can borrow, your top-ups and any contributions from his other parent. Are you able to clarify?

So how much will he have overall?

Yeah, definitely not in my house. The student loan system (rightly or wrongly) assumes that parents will top up funding based on income, so that is what we do.

I certainly wouldn’t be telling my DC capable of getting into Oxford or Edinburgh to go to Bradford for cost reasons.