Stepchildren and uni costs

As he’s 17 I’m wondering if you’re in Scotland? We live in a tourist area so cafe jobs are well paid. My DS worked full-time from finishing his exams to starting uni, so almost 4 months. Your DSS still has time to build up a small nest egg if he does similar. Even working at minimum wage, no tips, for 30hrs a week for 16 weeks would make him over £3,500.

Both my eldest two were panicked by costs when they started university and in their respective first years needed a bit more support but now managing fine. They learn to cut their cloth quick enough.

neither have term time jobs due to commitments/availability but both do some sort of work over their summers which gives them a buffer.

Part time job for his going out money definitely needed and will be good experience.
Sounds like his fees and living xpenses are covered..
What is he panicking about?
Does he know how to do a spreadsheet budget? Its a good life skill to know how yo do your household budget and someone needs to do it with him if he doesnt know how to do it.

My DDs maintenance loan covered rent and left them with between £30-150 a month. We sent £200 a month (previously their pocket money, clubs and phone bill) They both worked, dc 2 worked in a shop before she went then got a job in a cafe within a few weeks of starting uni. Dc 2 worked at McDonald’s so transferred branches. Both earned £400-600 a month plenty to live on with our £200.

The good news is he’ll have barely any contact hours, so plenty of time for the cafe job…

You definitely need to be clear that money goes to him, not a combination of him and his mum. It’s just going to get messy otherwise.

Are you expected to pro-rata the payments if he goes home for a long weekend? What if he plans to stay at uni for Easter, spends the money, then goes to his mum’s - are you expected to pay twice?

Psychology?? Oh no!
I thought this was now rated one of the worse courses to take for job market? Has he researched what job he can get with that degree?

A lot depends on where he goes and what subject he does. My niece did a humanities subject Russell Group university and had such little contact time that she got an office job in her second term. She did three days a week till she graduated with a 2.1 and was absolutely coining it! She’s smart, well-organised and was always quite grown up so that obviously helped but it’s worth thinking outside the box with part time jobs. Definitely look beyond the usual student jobs, especially if he’s in a big city

edited to remove identifying info

As the higher earner (am female) in my divorce our consent order (on finances) said I support the children at university no matter with which parent they live. So I would start by checking what any court sealed or decided consent order says on this issue - some refer to tertiary education.

Next it sounds like the boy gets a lot more than if he lived with his father because his maintenance loan is higher as a result but still not the maximum.

Third, it sounds like you have reassured him. What parents pay will depend on their income. I am reasonably well off so |I chose to pay even the university fees of £9250 a year per twin (I had 2 at Bristol at once) plus paid their rent direct to the university/landlord and paid them an allowance which I paid weekly so they could never run out of money . Other parents choose to pay nothing or can afford nothing and pay termly or annually to allow children to learn to budget but I was happy paying the weekly standing order which I also started in July before they went so they had a build of funds for the very expensive freshers' week.

Presumably he does not know if he will get his first choice place yet but once he does rents are on the websites of the university.
It might be worth checking if he is likely to do any post grad too. I paid law school fees for example for post grad for some of mine and was happy to do so as that is a good career (my twin sons qualified as solicitors last year so it has all felt worth it.
However my court order said I had to continue paying the 5 sets of day private school fees so for me university just felt like extending that pain by a few more years.

Please check the sums - my daughter has just finished uni and she got £9k loan for tuition fees and around £1.5k per term to live on. So £13.5k in total per year. We paid her accommodation which was around £650/month when she left last summer - she was in Manchester. Uni halls were around £400 the first year but most uni's you can only stay in halls for the first year as there is not enough accommodation for students so it is very unusual to be in halls for the whole 3/4 years. I can't see where the £10.5k comes from - does this not include tuition fees? If it does that is £1.5k for a year to live on which is impossible? Or are the tuition fees on top which would mean he is borrowing £20k per year?

It sounds like current CMS is about £150, OP is planning to up their monthly contribution to £300, so £3600 a year. Then student loan of about £7000 so about £10,500 total? £10,500 is the max loan (whose parents won’t be able to send extra) so there’ll be plenty of people in a similar boat to him. He will need to get a job.

OP is doubling the CMS amount really affordable for your household, given you have three other children? Will you be able to offer that to all the other children when it’s their time, especially if you’ll have more than one at uni at once?

He may be over-focussing on the money to mask other worries about living away from home for the first time.
Is he able to look after himself? Knows how to cook healthy meals cheaply? Knows how to care for clothes (different washes for fabrics, colours etc.)?
Is he used to doing household chores and cleaning?
Is he generally mature or 'young' for his age?

If he can put together a spreadsheet, then he should be able to budget fine.

Your DH may not think a 'big sit down meeting' is needed, but there is nothing to stop you having another conversation with DSS and explaining clearly that you are prepared to send him £150pm for groceries, so he can add that to his spreadsheet. Offer to check his spreadsheet for him.
You do need to be explicit and clear so that there is no room for misunderstanding

But how can he possibly do that when he doesn’t yet know his rent, other student living costs other than food, or what income he might be able to get from part-time work?

When DD was deciding which uni to go to, I made it very clear how much I could contribute per month and how much I had saved up to give her as a lump sum to get set up. She factored that into her decision on which uni to choose and selected one she could afford.

Maybe he needs to govyo uni and stay at home. Get a job. That's what my kids did.

Ds2 is at Warwick, his rent is £7960 but he is in a room with an en-suite. He also has a spreadsheet so his food costs are averaging £39 per week, laundry is £3.40 for a wash and £1.90 for a tumble dryer. He does 2 loads of washing, clothing and then bedding and towels, but puts it all into one dryer.

Ds says some people pay £25 per week on food some spend £50. Ds eats meat, salmon, chicken etc. His takeaway curry is £19 with delivery but that comes out of the other budget.

Things to consider, Netflix, Amazon Prime, phone contract, bus travel, any supplies for his course ie books, photocopying costs. Ds gets £100 a week from us term time only. His entire loans pays towards his rent and we top up the rent as he gets minimum loan.

yes maybe I'm confused by the "second highest amount" business. Apologies.

Not many parents whose children get the near maximum loan can afford to cover their child’s rent!

I think it's quite hard for them to budget a whole new life they haven't tried yet.

I'm not sure how the numbers stack up for him but would it make more sense the other way round? We are thinking of it as our contribution covers rent (or nearly, if you and his other parents can't make it up to that) and his loan plus earnings is what he lives off. I know it's the same numbers either way but conceptually it's easier to see a way to survive if his entire loan isn't immediately getting swallowed by rent.

It's good that he's started thinking and talking about it.

Google 'save the student budget' and the top result is a decent spreadsheet which is designed for students to plan and keep track of their money. They know that students won't want to spend ages on it so it primarily means just looking at it once a month (once they've started).

It sounds like your DSS is going to be on a fairly big Maintenance Loan (ML). You said he'd get the 'second highest' amount because his mum's household income is relatively low. He should check out the websites of the universities he's interested in to see if he's eligible for any additional bursaries or scholarships. He can also look at accommodation costs.

Students receiving big Maintenance Loans generally don't get much top up from their parents because they usually can't afford it so if you can give him a monthly allowance then he'll be doing really well.

It's worth knowing that he's more likely to secure a cheaper room if he applies early (which is usually once he's accepted his offer) and if he ends up going to his first choice uni. So that might impact who his first choice uni is.

If he runs into financial difficulty while at uni, instead of bailing him out, suggest that he contacts the university's funding advice team to ask about applying for hardship support. This will likely be non-repayable.

I agree, and not to forget they do appreciate all parents do for them.

For my Foster Son who will get a maximum loan for outside London because he was a looked after DC we will order him a food shop each week as he's on a high protein diet for sport and pay for all his travel and sports kit. We think he might gets a small bursary as a looked after DC but we wouldn't let him go without or have less than other DC because he's had to work so hard to overcome his neglectful and abusive past. He'll get the same help my own DC got at Uni.

On £10.5k he'll be on the same as or more than most people at Uni.

He'll work it out alongside his peers.

Yeah, it's probably a good idea to have a chat with him about what it needs to cover, budgeting skills etc, but he'll learn as he goes along.

What I would say is don't underestimate the (non financial) value of giving him occasional top ups or treats. We do for ours sometimes - either send them an online shop, or Amazon over a bottle of Vodka or bung them the odd £50 when my Premium Bonds have done well! There's something nice about doing kind things for those you love and showing them that you're still thinking about them even if they're far away and all grown up! I think everyone needs to know that their parents will always have their back, however old they are.

She’s not necessarily keeping him at all though. He wants to get “as far away as possible” and plenty of people don’t go home in uni holidays, especially if they have jobs.