Stepchildren and uni costs

Well, he must, as an adult, choosing to borrow £30k+ for his education, needs learn some lessons. Let him struggle finding a job, and help him with applications to others if he needs a bit more if a hand hold.

How is that any different to when children from a poor family with parents who are together go to university?

Child-related benefits stop for adults, and adults need to work to pay their way.

OP’s offering double what they pay in CMS anyway so that’s hardly a token amount.

Depending what Uni your DSS goes too, Uni accommodation can be just as expensive and some times more than private renting and some Uni’s only really offer accommodation to first years and the contract length varies also.

Also, it can be difficult to get part-time jobs in Uni towns as some employers don’t like having to work around student timetables.

I was in the same position almost 20 yrs ago starting uni in London, loan only covered rent and a little bit on top, got a part time job. I was doing a studio based course where I had to be in the studio 9 to 5 so working evenings and a Saturday.

If he’s doing psychology he’ll have plenty of daytime hours free to work in a cafe, if that’s his preference. It won’t pay as much as other jobs but it’s up to him.

This is where children in a blended/step family can really be screwed over. Maintenance to low income mum gets stopped, she needs to keep him a bedroom and buy food for holidays, but loses UC so needs him to give her the maintenance money that the father is giving him to pay her the shortfall. Higher earning non resident parent offers a very token amount per month and says you need to cut your cloth.

Don’t worry about the discrepancy for your daughter.

Is SS’ dad expecting you to double his CMS payments and dig SS out of any financial holes?

I think you need to be clear with all of them:

1. He will need to get a job, like everyone else without wealthy parents, including in summer holidays and ideally from now
2. Going to university is an expensive luxury, not a right
3. Your household and/or his dad will pay him (not his mum) £x per month. Don’t commit to doubling his CMS unless his dad can afford to and wants to. He’d probably appreciate being bailed out more than regular payments, in the long run, especially if he sees you as a cash cow ready to be milked
4. If he gets into financial difficulties he needs to speak to the university. Student overdrafts and credit cards are for emergencies, not every day living

I disagree with you on it being the right thing for him to do unless he’s extremely academic. He’ll be paying that loan back for a very long time and the payments really are felt when you’re also paying your mortgage and nursery fees… But I can see how it’d be hard to dissuade him. Has he considered degree apprenticeships?

DD1's employers also feed her a decent meal while at work, which is a great boon as a student.

DD1 works two shifts a week at a restaurant near university then in the same chain at home in the major holidays so earns about £120 a week while at university, and probably 3x that when at home in the holidays. She is saving up for a car (mostly the insurance on a car). Her (minimum) maintenance loan didn't cover rent, even in a cheaper city, so we had to top her up - though only by giving her the monthly sum we usually do.

Just a side note as Oxford has been mentioned twice as an example of an expensive city for students.
If you are talking about the University of Oxford, students there are given halls for the whole duration of the course (not just the first year) and at a very low cost in the region of £4.5-5K per year. This is the University policy to subsidise housing so that students could afford not to work and would concentrate on their studies.
In Oxford Brookes University, the rules are like everywhere else and accommodation in the city of Oxford for their students would be pricey, yes.

No they don’t. Some can’t work because of their course and some universities don’t allow students to have term time jobs.
Neither of my children worked during the term when at university. They worked in the holidays though.

It's worth checking out accommodation costs as part of uni research. If you have someone that expects en suite, takeaways, fine dining and lots of nights out etc they may struggle or need a part time job. Cooking skills (range of cheap easy dishes) really help keep costs down.

So ...what's wrong with him I my working at cafe's?

You don't have to give him any money...

Psychology can be a good degree. My son's friend did it and he has just finished and passed his accountancy exams (ICAEW) at the large firm he joined after graduating. We also know a clinical psychologist.

The issue of work or not is up to each family. My children didn't really work at university and I didn't need or want them to do so other than things like formal vacation schemes law firms pay people to do for a week or two if they get on those schemes and one did a summer working in a lovely holiday resort abroad. I used to work for pocket money at residential children's holiday camps in the UK in university holidays but that was just about 4 weeks a year and more for the fun of it and being away from home without having to pay rent and in nice places than for the money.

Of course they don't all work...

Why is he even going to university of he just wants to work in a café?

He knows it not compulsory, right?

No they don't.

DSS needs to choose the cheapest housing - sharing showers / loo with the most people. Some housing is 26 weeks, some is 40. He needs to find out & factor this into his budget.

So, take his £10.5, divide by housing cost x weeks. What remains his his budget for books, food, etc

Needs to cook own food & minimum take away.

Job if possible and learn how to budget and not plan “travel”

He needs to know in advance how much he gets from parents each month ,and what he gets when on term breaks.

He can get Unidays, Student Beans for discounts & deals on bank accounts.

Of course he will have to work. All students do.

I’m just going in the info from the OP that they are paying CM to the child’s mother during holiday time specifically because the mother is keeping him in the holidays.