Stepchildren and uni costs

He’ll have a significant interest-free student overdraft OP, that’s what covered a lot of mine and my friends’ costs. Or often halls require a deposit which is paid with the first loan payment, which he’ll get back at the end of the year and put to his next accommodation.

A lot of this is impossible to predict at the moment because you don’t know where he’s going. Once you do, sit down with him and do a budget. But no harm in setting expectations now.

Are you currently paying for everything for him above maintenance levels?

Something to communicate to him now then…

It’s based on their resident parent’s income, so theoretically his mum should be making up the difference.

OP and SS’s dad are actually offering double what was paid for CMS, that’s unusually generous and indirectly half is from OP. The SS is lucky to have a stepparent who wants to fund her adult stepchild.

Is the set up that you have two SC, SS followed by a slightly younger SD, a teen DD of your own and one younger one shared with your husband?

Definitely look at how much it’ll all cost in a few years. Undergrads get funding for four years if they retake a year; will you have any cross over with more than one child at uni? If you’re on a reasonably high salary your daughter will get a low loan and you don’t want to overcommit yourself now.

Personally I’d commit to sending SS £250 monthly as you’ve already said you would, if it’s affordable for the next four+ years, but make it very clear that there’ll be no bailing out or allowances or anything on top of that. He’ll almost certainly run out of money in the first year and it’s a learning experience. He may come to you for money and you may give it to him, but you don’t want it to be the expectation every time he’s feeling short. And don’t agree to pay his mum anything, that’s madness!

I’m in a similar position to you and won’t be paying anything to my SC’s uni costs. You’re already being very generous!

Uni halls is usually only an option in first year, just fyi. From second year onwards, he’ll have to rent privately, paying for the whole year - and most students find their second year flats in the first term of first year, so he’ll need to have enough saved up for the deposit at that point.

Yes, lots of students have a PT job, including my dd. But the amount that students can borrow is determined by their parents' income, and the government expects parents to make up the difference to the maximum loan amount.

Parents who don't provide the expected parental contribution are letting their kids down. A PT job should be on top of this, not instead of.

ETA These comments clearly don't apply to the OP and her DH because they will be providing the expected parental contribution. If the DSS wants more than that, then I agree, he will need to get a job.

uni is VERY expensive.

Many have to Iive away from home to get the course they want, and in most, halls are only available in the first year.

my daughter is in her second year - bog standard room in a private student accommodation is £560 per month, not including bills, and that’s for the whole calendar year (there aren’t any term time only rents).

that’s more than her student loan just on rent.

we pay her bills, groceries, uni supplies and travel home regularly, which comes to about £500 per month.

luckily we had a gap between uni for the kids otherwise we would have struggled.

I think he is right to plan/panic now rather than arriving and struggling with costs on top of all the other new things and budgeting together is sensible and not overkill.
Work out exactly what he will get, what you will contribute and his likely costs - depending on where he is applying to. Then he will likely have to get a job and not his dream job unfortunately. The sooner he starts looking at the type of things on offer job wise in the place he will be the better he will be prepared.
He could also join forums for his uni choices and ask on there about the type of jobs that are most easily found.

Of course your DH and his ex need to sit down with their son to discuss how his university will be financed. If accommodation and living expenses will not be fully funded by loan plus parental contribution he needs to know that in advance so he can make informed decisions about his next steps.

But also your DH/his ex need to look at what is realistically required for students going to university - there is an expectation that parents will pay, and while not everyone can afford to do that, the very least that parents should do is be informed about what’s available/ what it will cost to support their child’s decision making

If they want to go to a local University fair enough, but rubbish if they have to due to money

There are very good universities in low cost cities/towns. My DD's friend is at Cardiff, paying very cheap rent. Friends in Exeter and Bristol paying significantly more. And DD in London paying absolutely thru the nose.

Honestly this is his problem to solve. He needs to find a job, and learn to budget like we all do. I had much much less help at uni and so instead of expecting my parents to fund it I got a job!

Yes, you need to sit down and work out a proper budget, with him and ideally his DM if things are amicable enough.

Leave him in no doubt about how much you can help so if he needs a part time job and a summer job beforehand he can plan for that.

Local uni, live at home.

I arranged a grocery delivery for my DC every time they moved. Just the basic necessities plus some beer/vodka 😍

It made them very popular with housemates!

You sound very kind and very sensible. An excellent combination.

He’s lucky to get that, and lucky to have a stepparent who wants to finance him as an adult.

I’m not clear whether you’re a slightly higher earner than your husband, so really stretching yourself with this offer, or a billionaire for whom it’s small change, but either way you’re not unreasonable to want to make the boundaries clear to your husband, stepson and his mum. It does sound a bit like they’re all expecting you to be the back up for them all.

Me neither

It’s not his stepmum’s responsibility to support him at uni either.

SS has the appropriate loan and his dad’s continuing to pay the CMS-level contribution. OP isn’t obliged to pay anything on top and needs to make that clear.

My DS moved away for an apprenticeship. He got a professional houseshare room and it cost about £450 (probably more like £550 now). All bills included. His apprenticeship paid him about £1000 a month net if I recall.correctly.

We had offered to pay his rent if he got a poorly paid apprenticeship (in line with the support we gave his sister) but he was fine on that. Even managed to run his car.