Stepchildren and uni costs

Doesn’t matter- the loan system it based on household income and he is part of your household.

That is not true

I appreciate that the funding system isn’t great, but in my view it is up to parents to support DC at uni (as the loan system expects).

I wouldn’t expect my DC to be missing nights out in freshers week in order to eat, nor would I want them sharing bathrooms with loads of others if I could at all help it.

@Motheranddaughter

EVERYONE is skint at uni! It’s par for the course

Oh get over yourself!?! Some students are having to pay high rent out of minimum loan amounts and some parents aren’t supporting them and if they go mad too often they will get into financial difficulties not being able to afford to eat and pay rent etc.

Yes all students have nights out and pre before nights out. But if they go out too much, live on take outs and ready meals, go mad with new clothes and book a weekend away they are going to come unstuck and run out of money sharpish.

My son is at Manchester Uni. I was shocked at the price of accommodation. I think 2 years ago in his first year the cost for the 41 weeks was about 7k for a pretty run down room with a basin. They will only be able to stay in halls for the first year as there's huge demand. After that they will have to rent privately and most likely have to pay for the whole year's rental July - July. I think his was about £150 per week (each person) 8 sharing a house. You will most likely have to guarantee his rental contract.

This thread is really getting ridiculous now. DC are at uni to study and try new experiences, it’s not meant to be a prison camp.

Virtually every student will have ‘big nights out’ during freshers’ week- it a rite of passage and way of meeting people, not some huge extravagance.

Clearly parents shouldn’t be expected to fund Prada handbags and Canada Goose jackets (although many international parents do), but it is part and parcel of having DC that you contribute to their reasonable living standards for uni.

Also, Aldi and Lidl are certainly not always the cheapest. DS found that M&S often had fantastic yellow sticker offers in the evening!

He definitely needs a reality check and an adult talk about money before it’s too late.

Can he accept a cheaper room (go without an ensuite), stay in cheaper halls to have more money to live off?

Working and earning over summer will help and let him see how long and hard you have to work to buy a nice panini, nice coffee, pint of beer, latest pair of trainers etc and non of these are essential expenditure.

Make sure he needs to understand that he pays his rent first as a priority then works out what he has left and how long that has to last him. Also he needs to understand if he splurges on luxuries or non essentials like a big night out or several during freshers week, designer clothes or undies, takeaway coffees, takeaway meals and ready meals etc then he will have less money for his weekly food shop etc. If he wants more for his money most students shop at the local Lidl or Aldi rather than Waitrose, M&S, Sainsbury, Tesco etc. Takeaways and ready meals are an expensive luxury.

An 16 to 25 railcard is a good buy and if you give him an allowance and his mum is in agreement with this do it monthly rather than weekly or termly (so he is in with a chance of budgeting but shouldn’t get into too much difficulty).

It really deoends on the course and it's contact hours as to whether its easy to have tine for a job. My DS is doing maths and has multiple lectures and tutorials every day sonetimes up to 6pm . Only free time is a Wednesday afternoon which is kept free for uni sport. He also seems to get a lot of work which needs ro be handed in for marking. But not so much reading because of all this. So he's busy every between 9 and 5/6pm. By the time hes got back to college hes shattered and that doesnt take account of any nights out, uni societies, things that need doing for general admin or basic living skills. He has society stuff and sport on a weekend. He has ASD and I dont want him to feel he has to work as I'm worried he will hit burnout as he's expending a lot of energy to try and integrate socially and mask his issues. He'd like ro work in the holidays but its so bloody hard getting a joh when you are autistic and find interviews hard. I'm not pushing him though as he's doing brilliantly with everything he has to cope with already.

Student houses need a guarantor and if you cant get one, the estate agenrs won't let you complete a contract. Bond was also £500, though that goes into a holding scheme. Its a minefield really. I obviously dont know any of the other parents. One of the others had a big problem as to be a guarantor you need to be earning a lot and his parents didn't. It got sorted somehow luckily so the house didn't fall through. Its actually not that more expensive than college halls for DS, but much further out so he'll need to pay for the bus.

He doesn't get full stident loan but did get a small grant from the uni and both together these cover his rent. We give him roughly £50 a week (pro rata so its £500 for a 10 week term) and he is coming back for the holidays. At Christmas, we didn't put any demands on him as he was quite frankly knackered, but we have lots of jobs around the house lined up for the easter hols for him! He's very good at managing his money, has always saved up to buy things he really wants, but he doesnt want a lot so hes not splurging. He says some of his flatmates went a bit spend happy after their loan came in, then got a reality check when the accommodation invoice landed later! Very few first years have a car and he walks and cycles everywhere. I tend to take him shopping at start of term when taking him to uni and if we go to see him, we usually take some food goodies with us. But our weekly shop has reduced to offset this. It is costing us more however than when he was at home, but we've planned for it over the years and he's getting so much more out of uni than just academics, which is great to see.

We have told him if he runs into difficulty though, to let us know and we will sort it and he can pay us back at a later date. I didn't want him to get into anything dodgy if he got himself into difficulties. I don't think it will come to that, but it's always been our policy so that he knows we will sort things out at the tine if absolutely needed, and talk about what to do about it later. I've said that to my 16 year old niece too in case she's in a difficult situation and needs someone to pick her up without question. It's just important for me for DS to know I have his back if he needs it.

DS16 is thinking of uni.

It's my understanding that the income of the house he lives in (with me and his stepdad) will decipher what loan he gets - does anyone have the thresholds please?

His dad and I have both said we can give him £100 each a month, and he knows he will have to work.

Family have said they will send care packages each month (deodorant, toothpaste, shower gel etc).

He's made the decision to not get a car when he passes his test, we think the cost of this and the insurance can be out aside and used as a buffer.

I'm just worried that I'm a bit naive about the actual cost.

Mmm.

Maybe he should be encouraged to look at his definite known income now before anything is firmed up (his Maintenance Loan) and his definite known expenditure i.e.his rent payments. Also factor in any spending on food, socialising, phone contract, travel if relevant.

If he has any concerns or shortfalls he could consider a Uni with cheap and plentiful student accommodation, could he choose a cheaper room in halls, does he know how to shop, meal plan, budget and cook, does he understand budgeting and the value of money and that it doesn’t grow on trees (if not maybe a job in the summer earning will give him a small pot of money to act as a cushion at Uni). Your DH should have a chat with his mum re any support you can afford to offer etc then let him know.

Please teach him how to budget. ForGet getting any other parents on board. Just do it the two of you. I’ve done all of them DC and DSCs. I’m good at it and view it as essential.

If he wants to do DClin, he should start getting relevant work now - get him to look for support worker jobs in mental health wards (NHS or private), or in care homes.

If he gets on a staff bank, he can work tons during holiday periods and less during terms.

You’re setting up the children to fall out with you and each other if you’re planning to prioritise one SC over another, then treat your own, same-aged daughter better than both.

None of this is wrong but you need to be clear with your husband and with all of the children on where the boundaries are. Or your SD will be on here lamenting about how her evil stepmum and useless dad abandoned her in a few years.

I don’t know your financial situation nor the amount of maintainance he’ll get from his dad, but as the others says students often
work time, and yes choose a uni with cheaper accommodation but you need to help him make it work.

OP, if he wants to go clin psych or academia then this is a much bigger conversation than the next 3 years. As both an academic and psychologist I know he will likely need

a Masters
definitely a PhD for academia
definitely a doctorate to be “clinical”
sometimes both a PhD and doctorate (much more common I’d say 50% of people I know in the field have both and I’m 40, this is increasing)
between the masters and PhD/ doctorate he’ll likely have a few (2-5 years) of applying for the above where he’ll be earning Band 4 NHS or if lucky grade 6 academia which is diffficukt to plan a life on. Most people live at home until they’re on the doctorate or even when on it.

So highly recommend you all sit down together. It’s basically 10 years of university in one way or another. Also, it’s incredibly competitive.

It's very difficult on many courses because they don't have a regulate lecture timetable and lectures can be anytime between 8 am and 7 pm and there sometimrd may be meetings for groupwork and so on on evenings and weekends. It depends very much on the course. And then they aren't in the student town much of the year

Does he not already have a part time job? And he can work over the summer to add to savings for term time.

Well done to your DS and to you for supporting him!

The maintenance loan is based on the household income, they will ask for wage/income info when the student applies for the loan,its on a sliding scale so the more the household earns, less maintenance loan
Our DS has finished his masters at Pembroke college Oxford, ( state school, not massive household income) he received around £6000 maintenance loan, this didn't cover the “rent” and food in halls. We had to top up the bill in some terms. We gave him roughly £400 a month to support him, going up to £600 for 3rd and 4th year as he didn't eat in the halls.
He couldn't work in 1st, 2nd and 3rd year as the volume of study was massive, he was studying constantly in all the holidays.
He did get a Summer job after his finals , before his masters year.
For us it was financially tough, he studied hard and got himself a great result.
Hope it works out for your family.