Adult ADHD

I was diagnosed a year ago with combined (hyperactive/innatentive) ADHD. I’m perennially disorganised. Even when I try really hard I always miss the mark. I’m often late, constantly losing things (phone, keys, handbag)

I started meds about 6 weeks ago and I can’t really say they’ve been life changing but I work in a role where I’m dealing with multiple strands of information and it’s definitely helped me join the bits up. I don’t bounce between tasks leaving half of them unfinished. Taking adhd meds has enabled me to reduce my dose of antidepressant too. But my house is still a disorganised bit of a mess 🙄. I’m in my mid 50’s now and I’ve hugely underachieved in my career (I have a good stem degree).

I think for me the depression and anxiety is a result of the overwhelming feelings and obviously decades of self-medicating with nicotine and alcohol did not help.

Feeling more in control, less panicked and overwhelmed has eased the other MH conditions.

I’m 61 and have an initial assessment for it next week. Looking back I can see the impact it’s had on my life and I feel a sense of grief for how things could have been. Ironically I had a job that demanded a high level of organisation and accuracy and was quite fast paced but also had periods of allowing me to research (hyperfocus) and problem solve - there was definitely a lot of overcompensating, double checking and self doubt. I always felt I’d be found out (Imposter syndrome). I never had the confidence to apply for promotions in case I got rejected or found out if I got the job.

Another thing is that I am always, always early for appointments - it’s an alternative version of the time-blindness that makes some of us late.

I’ve really struggled to cope since retirement two years ago since I no longer have the structure of the working environment and the mental challenge of the job so my brain is freed up to worry about a million other things and I’ve seen the GP several times times about anxiety and mental health related issues.

As for modern life, I can clearly see that my Mum has ADHD too, there were so many incidents in my childhood where she’d put eggs on to boil then take us all to the park or take the dog out in the car and come back without it. Lots of other things too.I’m sorting her house out for her at the moment and the amount of stuff in random places is amazing. She’s never had an online presence, doesn’t even have a mobile phone so can’t blame that in her case.

Diagnosis will help you understand yourself better and find ways to work with the brain you have. If I had been diagnosed earlier my health would be much better now as I have been very poor at looking after myself.

This is a profound observation. For instance, I don’t drive since it feels too overwhelming. I don’t have pets. Too overwhelming. It’s amazing I even became a parent, it felt too overwhelming. All these very basic usual things that I don’t feel I can access. But at the same time I have done some amazing and unusual things in my life, and my career, driven by my personal passion which is part of my identity. A sort of crazy A or Z approach to life. I hadn’t considered if this might be part of ADHD, does anyone else who has had an ADHD diagnosis experience this?

of course, I am stalling madly with ten tabs open in my brain over whether to begin the private diagnosis. It’s expensive. But it could be transformative. I spoke to my GP btw who said NHS waiting lists were too long so she wouldn’t approve having me on the list. She didn’t ask me about my symptoms and tbf I hide the reality well. Including years of major eating disorders in late teens and 20s that I now link to this too…

Anxiety is a symptom of ADHD, but stress can also look like ADHD.

The question is, are those situations actually normal situations which the average adult can manage, but you can't, or are they situations which would be stressful for anyone? Are you choosing a smaller life than the one you want because you're unable to cope? This will go some way to answering the question.

There are, but in the past I've struggled to hold down a job or manage the basic demands of life. I'm not lucky enough to be extremely successful in some glamorous creative field which requires next to no organisational skills. I need meds in order to access a good life.

What are people’s opinions of ADHD overlapping with anxiety?
I have noticed several of these traits in myself but they always go away when my life calms down and I become more content. If something stressful has happened, I largely just shut down. But as soon as I come back around I can function perfectly fine. I’m convinced mine is just a stress response

I'll preface by saying I don't have a diagnosis, but my assessment with Psychiatry-UK is booked and takes place really soon.

I don't remember much about my childhood which is going to make my assessment difficult, but I remember on school reports I was always described as a 'dreamer' and 'needing to pay attention'. I'd frequently get stuck staring into space and find it really, really difficult to being myself back around.
I still have this now; the way it feels is like my eyes keep un-focusing and I feel spacey and a bit tired. Every time I catch myself and shake my head to snap out of it, my eyes unfocus again. This happens when I'm particularly stressed or having to concentrate on something important.

Since I hit 30 I've had a string of relationships where I'm not sure exactly how I got into them - they love bombed me, I went along with it and suddenly they lived with me or were at mine most of the time. Then unsurprisingly, it would go wrong quite quickly, they'd want to leave or I'd want them to leave but when they were gone I'd have these feelings like I had something to say to them (just something silly like "I want us to remain friends"; I never wanted them to think of me as a 'bad person' but these thoughts would consume me and I'd be pacing around not being able to settle, sending a load of messages begging them to just let me say this one thing, doing stupid things like impulsively organising a babysitter and catching a taxi to go and see the person I wanted to speak to, who lived in another town... I ended up with a harassment charge once, too. Just couldn't stop myself messaging and begging until he'd had enough.

I've always had tics (vocal and various facial ones) and skin picking on my fingers.

I just cannot get myself to take in what people are saying, without a lot of effort. I now tell family/friends to say my name before they start speaking to me so that they know I'm paying attention.
Even then, they have to repeat what they're saying three or four times as I'll ether miss the start of the sentence, the end, or random words in the middle due to tuning out and can't work out the meaning.
I'm very easily startled and will jump several times a day because someone has entered a room I'm in and then said something or appeared beside me and I had no clue they'd even come in. Always causes confusion when the person says something like "well, I made enough noise coming in!"

Interrupting. Always. I can't help it and sometimes do that annoying thing of interrupting, then realising and stopping for a millisecond before my brain tells me to apologise for the interruption which then becomes another interruption! Ugh.

I have always walked really fast with my head down. I scuttle everywhere. I do try and slow down but I'll either go the other way and walk like I'm walking in treacle or just walk weirdly and like my legs aren't a part of me or something!

I talk really fast and really loudly. I can't seem to control the volume or my voice and have quite often offended people by saying something like "you're welcome!" when someone doesn't thank me for holding a door open. Makes me look so rude but my brain takes over.

Decision paralysis. Forms overwhelm me; if I'm applying for a job and have to enter more than my name, job I'm applying for and a couple of other bits, I can't cope and just close the application. Meaning to come back later but never do because overwhelm.

I've walked out of jobs for the smallest reasons - knocked a bottle of wine onto the floor whilst stacking shelves when I was about 22, pretended to my supervisor I was going to get a mop then left and never went back.

I've always "thrived in busy environments" when working. Had a real talent for serving long queues in super quick time and doing it well, with no mistakes.
But nowadays can't go into a supermarket without being sent spacey by all the lights and the people talking and the smells.

I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder in 2014 but anxiety never felt like the 'real' reason, more a symptom of being overwhelmed and not understanding people, sensory issues and really poor emotional regulation.

Realised I've written war and peace so I'll stop now... obviously there's loads more but that is enough I think!

ETA: I said I'd stop... but these are just the 'lighter' symptoms.

I'm forever losing track of time - I burn most meals I cook as I only have the bandwidth now to 'cook' oven based, convenience food, but without fail it will be overcooked as I've started something like changing bed sheets or cleaning the bathroom just as I put the food in, thinking I'll have enough time. I've flooded the bathroom a few times too, from leaving the bath running.

I suffer from rumination/intrusive thoughts. Everything from relationship issues to what to spend savings on, to meal planning will take root in my brain and sit right at the forefront of my mind, leaving me thinking all day, every day about 'the thing' but never reaching a solution as I can't organise the thoughts or make a decision one way or the other.
It's almost like everything has equal priority so how are you supposed to choose where to start or which way to go?

I was assessed just over a year ago and have been on medication ever since. I'm 60 and almost cry to think how life would have been if I had been properly medicated all my life.

The symptoms: unable to remember anything if it wasn't written down: not birthdays, client meetings, where my keys were, school dress-up days, where my phone, glasses, passport were, that I'd put a wash on or food in the oven that needed attention in 40 mins etc. Every single day was an exhausting battle to cope with the basics.

Unsurprisingly, I never held down a job in an organisation and ended up freelance which has worked well for me, but only because I could work part time and have a lot of hours off just to process life.

I used to laugh at friends who called themselves procrastinators for putting things off for a few hours. I have put things off for years. Ordinary things, stuff I want to do, put off, day to day, for decades!

Since being on medication I have been better organised, procrastinate less, remember appointments, feel less fretful about life admin. Life is so much easier.

This list really resonates with me. As does ProudCats list from her friend. I'd love to get a diagnosis but I don't have the bandwidth to deal with it right now. I think my DD who is Autistic might also have ADHD, getting her diagnosed is more of a priority especially since I can already access medication and there's not really any supports available where I live even if I had a diagnosis.

Very messy at home (student/teenage levels), rely on convenience foods, difficult to stick to bedtimes or any kind of routine, tend to hyperfocus and forget everything else, need right amount of stimulation.

Zero awareness of time.

I used to be terrible at Procrastination and starting things- good news is that this is one of the easiest things to crack once you understand its ADHD and don't feel ashamed about it. For example , putting music on and a ten minute timer. Telling yourself you will just do 2 mins etc. I was dx 5 years ago.

Well every single one of those describes me.

I am likely ADHD but as an adult I don't see what a diagnosis will do. It was hard to fit in as a child but now I'm actually quite used to my brain and have made peace with it.

There are actually advantages to an ADHD brain too!

That's very poor of them. I don't have the diagnosis but am on adhd medication, I kind of create the medication disruption myself, I'll manage to take it every day for a week or two and then although I remember it's never in the right moment and it might be a week or more until I take it again. If it's more than a week I get the initial side effects I had again. Mostly random impulsive behaviours and a sense of disconnection and staring off into the distance at nothing for ages. Medication definetly helps me function better.

I got private dx about 10 years ago through The Priory. I don’t have the organisational skills to get hold of medication consistently but have found it helpful in the past.

I have been saying dx really helped my mental health, but after about a decade of being well I’m off work with stress and completely overwhelmed and unable to emotionally regulate!

I think this modern life makes lots of people adhd is utter bollocks and a really damaging narrative. It’s a life long neurological disorder. I did get a dx until I was in my mid 30s, but I’ve always struggled. I too had a pretty crap childhood, struggled with friends, with school, and with emotions. I’m much happier as an adult but still find lots of things very difficult. Parenting was really difficult. Seemed that suddenly all the things I found hard were the things that were important!

I had a horrendous childhood unable to make friends or focus at school constantly in trouble and struggling academically even though being told off would devastate me for days. I thought a lot of this was down to my dyslexia.

As an adult I’ve worked around a lot of these things ‘learned’ how to make friends in my 20s and lived a fairly normal life. But the chaos it still there I have to work very very hard to stay on top of my job which exhausts me and the entirety of my self-worth hangs on my ability to be good at my job. I’m exhausted at home and not as good a parent as I should be - but hey at least we can eat and pay the mortgage. peri-menopause has made all of these things much worse.

Ironically I have an assessment for ADHD available through private health care. I have it signed off and all need to do is contact the physiatrist. But I haven’t for months and months because I’m really shit and anything that isn’t hugely urgent. I’m also a bit scared

I was diagnosed privately last year. The cost of that and private medication was astronomical.

However, the alternative was thinking I was going to have to give up working as just too overwhelmed.

For me the medication is life-changing. I then spoke to my GP about Right to Choose and put myself on a 12 month waiting list with an NHS approved assessment centre.

4 months into medication / titration with the private provider I had used (who were not listed as NHS approved) they wrote to my GP for shared care. My GP agreed immediately so now I get my medication on prescription. However, I think I’ve been very lucky with my GP.

I'm autistic (diagnosed by the NHS) and my bestie at work has ADHD (diagnosed by the NHS). We're very different. People say we're like walking advertisements for what each specific condition looks like.

I've known my friend both before and after she was medicated for ADHD, so in terms of what it looks like (before medication):

1. Crippling flights of thought - everything moving so fast brain processing can't keep up.
2. Disorganised - doing 50 million things at the same time = impossible to keep all the plates spinning, it got pretty messy.
3. Related to the above, limited working memory function, so mentally it was like she got stuck on a loading screen.
4. Catastrophically impulsive - with money, men, plans, in her speech, constantly shifting boundaries, etc.
5. Frequent burnouts where she'd just shut down, as if someone had literally turned the power off and all she could do was lie in a ball for weeks.

Medication works for my friend, gives her enough space to manage the above, now she presents as phenomenally intelligent (which she is), a quick thinker, firm boundaries, good at task and time management. Since medication she's been super promoted and now earns £50k+ (she's not yet 30).

This is a useful start! I agree with a PP that some aspects of modern life/tech can make people seem "a bit ADHD" - distractibility, attention span etc - but a proper assessment can sort one from the other.

Found adult diagnosis useful, ADHD and autism/Asperger's as was.

Got my diagnosis at the start of this year (inattentive) after a 2 year wait through Right To Choose. Never proactively sought it but spoke to a mental health nurse about something I was struggling with and she suggested ADHD. Symptoms are different for everyone but for me it looks like getting easily distracted, thinking of a million things at once, executive dysfunction, rejection sensitive dysphoria, time blindness, talking over people, task overwhelm, and having a busy brain that never ever shuts up.

You have to collect evidence for your assessment/demonstrate you’ve suffered with symptoms your whole life- ADHD isn’t something you can develop in later life, you need to have had traits since before you were 12.

Immediately after my diagnosis I felt great- I finally understood how my brain worked and why, and like PP have said it helped me stop being so hard on myself for struggling with certain things. However now it’s a few months on I am grieving a bit- I’m thinking back through my life and all the things I’ve struggled with, and how much easier it might have been had I known what I was up against earlier.

I am on the waiting list for medication but it’s about a 12 month wait where I am.

@Elspet my understanding of the private route (when I looked into it) is even once you’re diagnosed your GP may not accept the diagnosis ie the NHS won’t necessarily pay for your medication, and it’s expensive to buy every month.

I have just received an ADHD/PTSD diagnosis, privately.
I sought it because I thought it would join up the dots..
I am angry and sad that so much potential is lost. I think I will be better once I get through this grieving stage.
I'm really pissed off by people who undermine my diagnosis by saying it's a trend

Mrssunshine2b
Thank you for this list.awaiting assessment and it's the forgetting instructions and excessive talking that is getting me into trouble at work and home.
Also the excessive ruminating thoughts.
I struggle to turn my mind off.
Told off for interrupting and not listening.

If you have it, you've always had it and will be able to trace symptoms back to childhood. For me, some of the signs:

• Chronically disorganised. Constantly losing things.
• Very forgetful- linked to disorganised. Missing deadlines, forgetting appointments, remembering I was supposed to have done a thing when it's too late. Juxtaposed with an amazing memory for random facts.
• Perceived as lazy because I get "frozen" by overwhelm and can't start a task, or a small and not very difficult task somehow takes huge proportions in my brain and I just can't do it.
• Very messy. Never know how to organise things or where they should go and lack the ability to plan how to do it or know where to start.
• Daydreaming a lot. Can be looking right at someone having a conversation and then realise I've not heard anything they said for the last 10 minutes.
• Excessive talking and can't shut up- common sign of hyperactivity and impulsivity in girls.
• Impulsive- doing weird things on impulse without thought for the consequences until it's too late.
• Slapdash in my work, making silly/careless mistakes.
• Forgetting verbal instructions the moment they've been given and ending up doing half of the first one and forgetting the rest.
• Difficulties managing emotions and immature for my age. Struggled to make/keep friends.

There's more but those are the ones I can think of right now off the top of my head.

Assessment and diagnosis have helped me understand myself better, know my limitations, advocate for myself and has explained why I have found life, particularly understanding other humans, so challenging. I am also autistic. It presents for me as severe emotional dysregulation, severe sensory issues, awful executive functioning. I also used to have frequent scary meltdowns which I did not know were neuro divergent meltdowns at the time. These have lessened since diagnosis.

Hello, anyone gone down the private route? If so, with whom? Any recommendations? Thank you!