Adult ADHD

We do not all have it and believe me it’s not a fun quirky personality trait. It’s a burdensome sensory disorder that has a significant impact on how a person is perceived and treated

I was diagnosed as an adult. I was excluded at school. Have been sexually assaulted several times, once severely through drinking too much and walking at night and putting myself in vulnerable positions.
i had terrible taste in men when I was younger, which brought trouble and the police to my door through boyfriends being involved in crime and drugs.
I drink too much alcohol.
i have several months off work with stress and anxiety every couple of years, when it all gets too much.
I am always put down by others for being too naive and too soft.
i have been bullied at work so many times.
i go into fight or flight and just freeze.
I am awful with money.
I don’t open post.
i am untidy.
I am late for everything because I misjudge how long everything takes.
I forget everything.
I let people down even though I don’t mean to but because I forget things.
i hate myself because of all the above!!!

Good luck!

My assessment is mid may.
I can't wait it's been years.

https://www.choiceandmedication.org//droyewole/

link to information that you can look at

I am currently awaiting an ADHD diagnosis.

The way I understand it, ADHD is a neurological condition caused by a shortfall in certain chemicals (e.g. dopamine) in the brain that regulate behaviour and focus. Essentially, people with ADHD find it harder to stay focused on certain tasks because they don't get the same sense of reward and satisfaction from the task that NT people do. This is crucial for wellbeing and therefore ADHD sufferers are driven to seek out stimulus that does give them that reward, which comes in various forms (food, exercise, drugs, alcohol etc.). So there's no such thing as being "a bit ADHD" and ADHD is not caused by screens, though of course modern life can make symptoms worse.

I'm not going to go into how my life has been affected by what I now think is ADHD - my experiences mirror many on here - underachieving, exhaustion, anxiety, a complete breakdown and burnout when trying to combine a stressful job with parenting.

I'm hopeful that a diagnosis will lead to medication, but I realise it's not a magic bullet and hard to get hold of, but there's a few things I've been doing lately to make things easier for myself which really seem to be having an effect.

• Shopping daily and not meal planning at all. I have some basics in the house (milk, cereal, frozen veggies, pasta etc) but otherwise only shop for that day.
• Tidying the part of the house that I'm in. If I'm in the kitchen, I tidy the kitchen. I tidy the kids' rooms while putting them to bed. I do the bathroom while the kids are having their baths. Otherwise I ignore everything. I have a hoover upstairs and downstairs so I can grab it quickly to do wherever I am. I don't think "I need to hoover", I just hoover.
• Big box in the sitting-room under my chair of papers. I shred stuff while watching TV in the evening, a few docs here and there. I have so many piles of random papers in the house, but one by one they're been moved into the paper box for sorting and shredding.
• Healthy ready meals. I spend a lot on relatively healthy ready meals for when I don't want to cook for myself. Before that, I'd cook for the kids and end up eating junk myself.
• Planning "self-care" to get the "reward" hit I need, but trying to focus on positive things like music, a hot bath, a nice face-cream, a glass of chilled water or exercise.

I don't make lists of things to do anymore. I read somewhere that this can be a waste of mental energy if you have ADHD, although I know some people find it useful. I read on here "Either do something immediately or forget about it" and tbh that has been a very useful piece of advice for me - saves a lot of mental energy, I find. I just don't dwell on stuff unless I can deal with it immediately. So rather than make lists for packing, I just start packing. If I'm not going to deal with a messy drawer or area of the house, I just forget about it.

One thing I now do as soon as I get through the door from school with the kids is put everything we need for the next day next to the front door. So unpack school and nursery bags, get homework done, get reading done and re-pack bags (except packed lunch). Put uniform and clothes for the next day next to beds. And only then do we take a break. This has really helped.

Immediacy is really important, I find. I'm much better at focusing on those tasks which are immediately in front of me, so finding a way to make important tasks more immediate - having papers printed and on my desk, making sure my computer is logged in and the only screen up has what I need to do on it - is really important for me.

Depending where you live, Id pop in on a relevant Fb group for recommendations of where people sought diagnosis. Some areas you may be able to get one on NHS within the next 10 years, some have noonexistent support, some have very expensive private diagnosis options and some less so.

BS.
We dont all have ADHD and the fact you may have some overlap in terms of behaviour does not make us all have 'a bit of ADHD'.
ADHD is a set of characteristics that happen together to various degrees. Educate yourself before minimising what the diagnosis means for a lot of people.

As someone who lives with an ADHDer this is just not true. ADHD is not just being easily distracted or having a short attention span. It's a neurodivergent condition, just as autism is. Unless you believe we all have autistic traits too??

I’ve never finished anything in my entire life. I’ve had hundreds of hobbies and jobs that I just give up on. Think I’ve started about 5 different degrees and then quit. I work admin jobs because I can’t do anything except churn out quick type work and even those jobs I bounce between quite often as I thrive in the beginning then start to slip up after a while. I often forget to sort my daughter’s necessary medications. I don’t really have any close friends. Relationships often a disaster and it’s my fault. Struggle to be quiet and can’t sit still. Incredibly forgetful or remember every single thing that ever happens there’s no in between. Binge eat for dopamine. I keep getting into more debt despite being quite financially stable I’m just shit with money and spending and can’t seem to get on top of it or I do but then I decide I’ll get a new car or whatever and sod the debt. Get stressed trying to meal plan because my brain just doesn’t work that way. My other half meal plans but then I don’t like being told what I have to eat every day. The list goes on and it affects me in little ways every day and also big ways that have impacted my path in life.

I don’t want to be like this. It sucks I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I don’t really talk about it because I cba to be told everyone is a bit adhd these days. I agree though that our reliance on smartphones doesn’t help anyone’s attention span!

oh and don’t get me started on rejection sensitivity. I can’t take criticism well at all and will ruminate on it and remember it forever. I fucking hate it

Go With clinical partners right to choose took me 4 months ago nhs waiting list was 10 years

I am 18months into a 5 year wait for assessment. Does anyone know how much medication costs privately? Currently I've not pursued a private diagnosis because if there is a need for medication apparently the GP might refuse to prescribe it, but I'm now at the point where I'm thinking of quitting my job as the procrastination and overwhelm is so bad. Long term the medication might well be the cheaper course of action!

Diagnosed at 50. Took 4 months from GP referral.

1. my brain never ever turns off / ever. Constantly whirring like multiple engines misfiring at all times
2. cant concentrate for more than 20 minutes eg watching Netflix etc
3. cant decide on hobbies - changes daily
4. house was full of multiple jobs to do and not done
5. can’t concentrate when talking to friends
6. can’t decide on anything
7. lose everything keys glasses
8. can’t sit still ever
9. friendships - used to get into destructive relationship and friendship and never said no
10. always wanted to be needed and liked
11. always felt totally different to everyone else and looking in
12. spending money like water - so I don’t deal with this now
13. wake up constantly with brain going
14. always have 100 plates spinning in my head it’s exhausting
15. impulsive

I also have childhood trauma and multiple years of trauma therapy.

I now have a gorgeous husband who loves me for who I am. Finds and organises my keys, glasses and so on and takes over when I am overwhelmed

I was clearing out my garage today and it’s boxes and boxes of stuff to the tip.

Im not medicated yet but I understand and love myself better

Ironically I’m good in my career. It changes minute by minute etc

Ah different careers. I’m in a fast paced clinical role. But lots of balls in the air too. Whenever I’ve had extended time off I can’t cope at all. I got pinged once by the Covid app and I almost lost my mind. At home? For 10’days? No structure? Horrific!

@WinterCarlisle I worked in IT as a Database Administrator.

My DD has it too and my DS has started on the road to getting diagnosed.

@BestIsWest I could have written pretty much everything you have. Out of interest, what was your career? (If not too outing).

I have finally made a GP appt to ask for a referral under the the RTC pathway. My GP is lovely and had historically been very supportive of this. Two of my children have ADHD - one to the extent he has an EHCP and DLA. Perimen and parenting teenagers has left me feeling like I’m losing my mind but in reality I think it’s just exacerbated what was already there.

I’ll write more later but I have (as usual) a million things to do in the near 5 minutes.

I was diagnosed a few years ago, and am now medicated, but it looks like pure hell for me.
Being called lazy, scatty, clumsy, and.unmotivated during my childhood and teens. Was clever, but got bored at school and couldn't concentrate. GCSEs ranged from A to G depending on how interesting the topic was to me. Flunked out of A levels twice. Didn't go to university which everyone expected me to do.

All of my 20s spent giving into impulses. Spent most of it binge drinking, having unprotected sex with anyone who would have me (how i got pregnant), drugs, getting into debt... But doing really well at work because I enjoyed it and would hyperfocus (before kids).

I had my kids in my early 30s and nearly had them taken off me due to what I now realise was undiagnosed ADHD. I forgot medical appointments, and just generally made poor decisions. But I worked hard to become a better mother.

In my late 30s and early 40s, it's procrastination central - i get so overwhelmed that I can't do important things, and it's catching up with me. Not sleeping because my brain never switches off. So many internal monologues, and a radio station playing the same couple of lines of a song over and over again.

Pissing everyone off because I have to have subtitles on the telly, am always on my phone for the dopamine, listening to the same 3 or 4 songs over and over again, rarely watching new programmes and films, preferring to watch the same ones repeatedly.

Even medicated on Elvanse and two top ups I can't quite get a grip, but I'm still better than before I was medicated!

After being treated for general anxiety disorder, stress and depression, I was referred to Psychiatry UK by my GP and was diagnosed with Impulsive-Hyperactive ADHD last week, however psychiatrist told me it may take up to 10 months before I get medication. I am 55, have found life a struggle generally and just want to get on the right meds and sort my life out now, I don't want to waste any more time and feel sad that I still have to wait.

I was diagnosed with ADHD just over 2 years ago. Medication has changed my life, it turns down all the noise in my head and allows me to function without distracting myself all the time. I have both types - hyperactive and inattentive - and really struggle with executive function, time management and procrastination. The meds don’t do a whole lot for those things but the focus I get from them is totally worth it. I have suffered with anxiety-related depression my whole life and knowing that the overthinking couldn’t be helped has definitely made me kinder to myself. I’ve done great with the cards I’ve been dealt but I’m now doing even better now I understand some of those challenges were related to ADHD.

Same.

@BestIsWest oh god really? I am precisely like that.

Perfectionist tendencies and over-organisation is a thing too. I have lists for everything and if I can’t do something perfectly I won’t do it at all.

Ha! I get the reverse time blindness too. I'm virtually never on time I'm either very early or quite late!

@elspet, yes, it’s sheer panic that you don’t know what might happen on the way somewhere, you have to factor in all the what ifs. You should have seen me last year in a traffic jam on the way to the airport.

@BestIsWest interesting. My mum ticks every single adhd box. Though the one thing that has made me question whether she has adhd is that she was always early, and would get monumentally ragingly angry with me for being late, when I was a kid.

I see how she had the other form of time blindness. I now get super anxious about time, and have all sorts of clocks and reminders, since being five mins late as a child would lead to screaming all the way to school, every day, since I always seemed to be a bit late which she said made all the difference (really? Suddenly a major change in traffic from 8.00-8.05?)

i struggle to understand if I have anxiety or adhd. But I tried some of my cousins medication (I know, I know) and suddenly all the tabs were shut down. Suddenly no 20 voices in my head. Suddenly a better memory for all these boring things (like my pin no or mobile phone no). Suddenly the anxiety and rumination quieten.

In short, I’d just like access to this medication. But how? Seems only via a £600 + formal diagnosis. Interested that a PP accesses meds without a diagnosis— how?!

or do we all just focus on meditation and mindfulness and solve this issue ourselves (not yet mastered any of that, leading to more frustration with myself!)