Children not in her care

Could they have been at school, perhaps?

I’d admit I ignored red flags, but it was definitely true that the violence only started once I was pregnant. I don’t think people lie about that, why would they? Plus it’s obvious that it starts then because these men think they own you at that point and that you won’t leave.

FYI I did leave, the very first time it happened, when I was pregnant. Obviously I then realised how many red flags I had missed, but I am not perfect and couldn’t undo the past.

Its not unsupervised if her boyfriend is there though is it? And don't pretend it isn't rare for a woman not to have custody, im not being sexist its just reality. And I'm not saying she definitely is abusive or a drug addict etc but the lying would make me suspicious. The OP is just protecting her children as any one with sense would do.

Could they be with their farther rather than in care?

It could all be innocent, or there could be more to it.
Her social media profiles could be false names. I know lots of people who work in jobs that could make them targets online, they use fake names on social media.
Sit down and talk to your ex. Explain your fears.
Perhaps calling social services may help, they can't give you any info about her, but if you explain your worries, they can look her up. If she is a risk to children, they will act on it. This won't work if she is using a fake name online though.
Could you try a Google photo search using her profile photo?

There is a huge flaw in self reported data? Who is reporting that it starts then?
There are always signs but no one wants to admit that there were and they ignored them and went ahead anyway. There are enough feelings of guilt and shame already.
No, it's easier to say it came out of the blue.
I think it's more a case that children will become the catalyst for women to speak up.

Fair enough of you to have questions.

My SC have the majority custody with us (their Dad, my DH) and not with their mum. This has been ever since they first split, and isn’t for any sinister or big reason other than she didn’t want to have them full time.

I think it’s hard for the majority of mothers to try and understand why a mother wouldn’t want her children, but there are always bizarre exceptions. I personally cannot even try to understand it one bit.

But OP doesn't know the children are outwith the mother's care. She knows the mother has been to the pub or out on other occasions without her children but that says nothing?
Obviously I don't know all the details but there seems not enough information to assume the girlfriend is an unfit mother.

cant Believe people making out she has control issues and is harassing him, god forbid anything happened she would be judged for not acting on mothers instinct given the lies that have been told, her gut is saying something is wrong, her ex is a low life and yet she’s being told it’s none of her business! My children’s safety is my business and I would do anything to find out if the person I’m leaving them with is a safe option

This! Do this immediately and refuse to let your children go to him until it is done and you have assurance she is safe around your children. It is not likely that she is safe to be around if her kids are in care.

I’m a social worker and yes you should be concerned. They might be outwith her care because of reasons relating to abuse or neglect, in which case there could be a risk to your children. Tell your ex you want to know more and that she is not to care for your children unattended. Actually, in situations where children are removed from a parent and the social worker becomes aware that the parent has entered a relationship with someone with children, they would usually have a duty of care to investigate, especially if that parent isn’t allowed unsupervised access with their own children.
If your ex isn’t forthcoming with the information, or you have reason to doubt his honesty or commitment to protecting his children, I’d be contacting social services for support and advice.

You don't speak to him but he had access to your phone to call his girlfriend?

There's clearly some stuff going on with your ex but his girlfriend not having her kids all the time doesn't necessarily mean anything. You don't have your son all of the time, sometimes he's with your ex? Maybe she's with him at the pub when her kids are with their other parent? I think it's quite a leap to assume anything more.

2 women close to him say he hit them and you're saying you don't know what happened? Do you think he may possibly have . . . hit them?

Well your child's father doesn't have full time responsibility of his DC either. You don't know her circumstances, there's not much you can do.

Clearly he isn’t telling you truths about the new girlfriend because you spoke to his last girlfriend. He doesn’t want you speaking to this one

It often escalates, but there is usually a pattern of behaviour that exists long before. that’s what I’m referring to with the ignoring of red flags

Obviously you don't know the reasons why her kids are not in her care - it could be that she's struggled in the past or been a victim of dv and it took her too long/ felt unable to leave and kids were removed to protect them. Young children especially are more likely to be placed in foster to adopt placements and I know a number of women who had their children removed early on but are now in much better places in themselves, but can't get their kids back as they were adopted before they got to that better place. Or possibly she's been unable to afford legal expenses to fight an ex who's got custody/ turned her kids against her.

However I think it would be pertinent to know the reasons why. I would contact social services to see if they've been involved and flag it as a concern so they can assess the situation and will have the full picture. You can't trust your ex (or her) to give you the truth and your responsibility is not to them but to your child. They likely won't be able to tell you anything, but they can make their own assessment.

When your children go to your existence (their dad's) you don't have your children in your care.