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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset that fellow holiday goer told me I'm too old for my hair?

367 replies

MoneyPieceNotMoneyShot · 18/03/2025 06:47

I'm rising 60 and have been obese all my life, have just got it under control, gone on a glow up and have decided to Fuuckit and I've headed off on my holiday of a lifetime.

I've spent most of today with another solo traveller and quite enjoyed her company, but am fully aware she's from a more forthright culture than me. (A close friend from home is also this nationality so I'm fully aware of this conversational style).

As we parted company she said that she felt she had to tell me that at my age I should be considering getting my hair cut to a more age appropriate length.

I fricking love my hair, my hairdresser has been with me through literal thick and thin, and had particularly encouraged me nurturing my length after The Bad Bad Bob Incident of October 23.

Low self confidence and self esteem through being morbidly obese for 30 years doesn't lend itself to resilience, so I'm now in my room trying to distract myself and win the day back to no avail.

Aibu to be upset or am I a soft numpty?

OP posts:
Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 20/03/2025 06:40

Lungwort · 18/03/2025 08:25

I don’t think so. If, as a subsequent poster has suggested, she’s Dutch, it’s not down to some individual jealousy or unpleasantness, it’s culturally fairly normal to share your negative opinion of someone’s appearance.

Well either way, its only her opinion, and OP shouldn't let it upset her. Different culture or not, she was rude.

JustJoinedRightNow · 20/03/2025 05:56

Why can't I see the pic of OP's hair? Dying to see your lovely long locks OP

Aim4Lesscortisol · 20/03/2025 05:23

Take no notice - you might enjoy Cher's boundary breaking outlook on ytbe if you search cher oprah getting older

Poisonwood · 19/03/2025 23:34

I love my long hair, I love braiding it and it still just makes me smile every day. It reminds me of my Mum, who also kept hers long and never went near a blue rinse lol.

Please ignore rude people’s opinions, the only one that matters about your style is you…I’m glad your hair makes you happy. Enjoy your glow up, and holiday!!

The poem, Warning, by Jenny Joseph, was written in 1961 and is still a favourite of many and still relevant today:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Laurmolonlabe · 19/03/2025 23:34

I've never understood why hair is such a flashpoint for some people- I see inappropriate nails (unable to do anything, and they look like claws), false eyelashes that look like some creepy crawly has died on their eyelids, and dreadful clothing all the time -but no one would dream of mentioning it , but if you have longer hair than a couple of inches all over and are over 50 everyone seems to feel they can tell you how inappropriate they think it is- just ignore it, it's their problem, not yours.

Back21970 · 19/03/2025 23:29

I bet she has terrible hair herself 🤣

Very rude and patronising, please ignore her.

And well done on the glow up, I imagine you look great and she was a bit jealous.

dmboot1 · 19/03/2025 23:19

Back in the 80s when I was a teenager by 40 everyone was expected to have a middle aged style perm, by nearing 60 a shampoo and set. Thank the Lord things have changed. Don't take what was said to heart, you do you like many of us are in this enlightend age! Take care xx

FrangipaneMincies · 19/03/2025 23:19

You do you. None of anyone else's business! Have a fantastic holiday 😎

Agapornis · 19/03/2025 22:47

Edamcheese · 19/03/2025 20:13

What about Kippeneukers
you racist lot having a go at the Dutch people. At least they have guts and tell people the truth and are not two faced like many brits. I’m half Dutch a Dutch mother and find your comments rather unwelcome.

I'm 100% Dutch and comfortable being 'racist' about my own people 😘

Je moederrrr

Crudd99 · 19/03/2025 22:20

It's your hair you do what you want with it !!

notprincehamlet · 19/03/2025 21:57

Dutch?
North Korean??
Never take hair advice from the joyless and rude.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 19/03/2025 21:34

I voted YABU as you really should ignore some random twats unrequested opinion.
I detest this notion that long hair has a shelf life, fuck off!

PurpleYarnivore · 19/03/2025 21:30

I’ve had similar said to me , I’m 52 and have waist length straight hair , it’s thick and healthy and I’ve been told my many hairdressers what amazing condition it is in . I’ve also been told by acquaintances and relatives that women over 40 shouldn’t have hair longer than shoulder length . I’m very body conscious as a curvy person and my hair is the only part of my appearance I like so Im not cutting it just because some people have outdated opinions .

Diblin93 · 19/03/2025 21:22

Please do not he upset. Some people just can’t help themselves. If you loved your hair before she opened her mouth - then please DON’T cut it!!!!! Remember, you don’t know this woman (you just know someone from where she’s from), bearing that in mind, do you think she could be jealous???

ChopstickNovice · 19/03/2025 21:07

In my experience people (especially near-strangers!!) who preface comments with "I feel I have to tell you" deserve to have those comments ignored.

Mrsgreen100 · 19/03/2025 21:02

Bet she’s Dutch ! My friend said 3 years ago
your hair is aging you I’m 64
actually stung at the time tbh
but I’ve gone shorter and I feel and look better
I have another friend who’s 80 and her hair is very long , really wish there was a way to tell her it’s not working anymore
ether ignore or have a think about new style
worked a miracle for me

Brightonseafront · 19/03/2025 21:00

Op, thank you for starting this post… it is so heartwarming to read all the posts of women daring to own and love their hair (freely& agelessly 🥳) , in an infuriating ageist world which still coerces and tries to ‘educate’ females what is and isn’t appropriate for them, from the cradle to the grave ( ffs)…I salute you all 😁
late 50’s , and not only is my hair long (& longer than haters think it should be), but also I continue to wear my little side plait I wore all my life .. it’s just me, and I hate that sometimes I feel sort of pressure to conform …like I felt at every age ( ffs 2)..

i feel our western culture is particularly ageist and tries to strip us women of our femininity once we are past our childbearing age/our ‘purpose’ … ( cut hair, dress ‘ appropriately’, don’t be ‘sexy’ , shame & redicule ).

last year, while travelling in Asia..my hair felt so bad/ thin, I decided to get it cut, I google translated to the young hairdresser to just cut it however he thought would be best with my hair & closed my eyes in terror ..(he said he will do the “Auntie Cut”…my heart sank 😂…… turned out the auntie cut wasn’t a pixie-all-women-of-certain-age-shall-look-the-same…here’s the Vietnam auntie cut .. ( minus my plait)..if anyone fancies a hair cut while on a holiday ..😎

Bowies · 19/03/2025 20:57

I can relate as had a ‘bad bob’ longer ago than I care to remember, grew it straight back out and decided bobs don’t suit me.

After about 7 years of going to my current hairdresser though she suggested it and I now wished I’d tried a bob again years ago.

You sound fabulous OP, ignore her and this temporary blip and continue enjoying your glow up!

JustMeHello · 19/03/2025 20:47

I honestly just can't understand why a) anyone cares about how someone else chooses to look, and b) why looking old is a bad thing. It genuinely baffles me.

Audiprettier · 19/03/2025 20:47

User37482 · 18/03/2025 06:51

Ignore it, why shouldn’t you have long hair. I think by 60 you are allowed to really not give a fuck what anyone else thinks.

This! ☝️
You have your hair how YOU want it!
Especially if you love it.

How dare someone else try to tell you what to do.
People have stuck their noses into my life (all different things including my business!) for years. So infuriating!!

Have a fabulous holiday, we all deserve a little pampering & self-love! 💐

SparklyLeader · 19/03/2025 20:46

YANBU Your friend was rude. You did not ask her about your hair. However, I think she likes you and was saying something she thought was helpful. If you want your hair long, wear your hair long. It's your hair. That said, I am older than you, by not quite a decade, and older women who have long hair and who have always had long hair tend to not get it cut. It's part of their identity and is comforting to them. This is absolutely their prerogative. As you settle into a body shape that's newer to you, later on you may want to consider a different hair style, but you don't have to cut your hair to do this, just go try on wigs. As we age, hair thins along with losing color. Even a long hair wig might be a lot of fun for you. Go try on something new for the new you just to see how cute you look no matter what length hair you wear.

Growlybear83 · 19/03/2025 20:30

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 19/03/2025 20:10

It does depend on the person, but long grey hair on any women over 55 doesn't look right. (IMO.)

The length in pic 1 is OK. Suits the lady, even though she is 55+.

Pic 2, not so much....

.

Edited

Well I think the pulled back style in photo no 2 looks atrocious on any woman of any age. But I think even that looks better than short hair. I actually much prefer my hair now it’s grey; I’ve never considered dying it and am happy to age gracefully.

MarvellousMonsters · 19/03/2025 20:21

I’m approaching 60 and have hair passed my waist. Fuck that shit.

Edamcheese · 19/03/2025 20:13

Agapornis · 18/03/2025 09:25

Hahaha I knew she had to be dutch! Yes, as @AnxiousAnnie1984 said, kort pittig is the horrible haircut this lady was referring to. It has to be too short to suit your face (if it's not, the hairdresser will make sure it is), and ideally dyed a shade of red or purple. It's a bit of a 90s/early 2000s cut to the rest of the world.

Please tell this Dutch lady that Linda de Mol is 60 now, and seems to be pulling off the long blond hair very well. (No doubt she'll reply jaaaa buttt that's different, she's famous 🙄). When you tell her she's being rude, she'll say she's just being honest. I've found that the best way to deal with these remarks is to say 'well, I love it and it looks beautiful, and I don't care what you think. Don't be such a trut.'

(Dutch has some great swears)

Edited

What about Kippeneukers
you racist lot having a go at the Dutch people. At least they have guts and tell people the truth and are not two faced like many brits. I’m half Dutch a Dutch mother and find your comments rather unwelcome.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 19/03/2025 20:10

ThatGreatMember · 19/03/2025 19:43

I personally deteste long hair on old woman (although as with everything I admit there are always exceptions to the rule), however, I would never tell a person as it is their choice.

Edited

It does depend on the person, but long grey hair on any women over 55 doesn't look right. (IMO.)

The length in pic 1 is OK. Suits the lady, even though she is 55+.

Pic 2, not so much....

.

To be upset that fellow holiday goer told me I'm too old for my hair?
To be upset that fellow holiday goer told me I'm too old for my hair?
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