Someone called the bloody police on me

"I would just let the police know your son has special needs."

@sophiacting why did you write this?

Of course the OP explained this to the police - all on her own without you there to point out the fucking obvious.

This happened to me. Very similar situation. I actually called police myself and asked for help and they said we needed to call ambulance for dd (threatening suicide). I said to police I wouldn’t be surprised if neighbours have also called. I left my door open so people could see I wasn’t actually hurting her. One person backtracked but saw what was happening so walked away. Another neighbour came out to ask if we were ok-I said I had called police and ambulance. I went round to explain to them the next day and they were very understanding, as was I. I’d much rather people were overly cautious than not at all but I was also mortified. Children’s services did call us but were happy that dc were well looked after having spoken to us, them and school. I did actually feel supported by them all and not judged at all. I judged myself.

I don't think they was lying I think they either misheard or that you didn't remember exactly what happened. I know during a heated argument or my kids having a massive tantrum (I know this isn't what this is) I certainly don't remember exactly what was said word for word. You shouldn't be angry at your neighbours they did the right thing and you should be greatful you have caring neighbours. The majority of domestic violence and murders happen at home behind closed doors. Often by people you least expect what did you want them to do just ignore it. This is how women and children end up dead.

That's great.

I'd do what others have suggested and talk to your neighbours too.

Could it be a miscommunication and the neighbour said the child was screaming for help meaning they needed help, as opposed to actually shouting 'help!'? In any case I think you should just pop a note through your close neighbours doors saying something like - as we recently had a visit from the police, I wanted to let you know that my DS has SEN etc etc. And finish it off by saying you understand why whoever called did so as it is absolutely right to do so if worried about a child, but you wanted them to understand the situation so hopefully they don't worry about his safety in future.

Did the police signpost you to services OP? That's what they should have done.

Your neighbour didn't mean harm, everyone has a duty to care for the wellbeing of a child.

I've been in your shoes and could have written your OP when my DS was 10. The police home visit actually proved helpful I was able to access more support as it was a sign that we were struggling because of the fact that DS was having inadequate support in school and from CAMHS.

If the police didn't sign post you then please tell school what happened and ask them for support. Team around the family helped all those concerned to help me to get my son the support he needed.

He's now a well adjusted, independently living young man at university.

It can get better. Please get some support for yourself and for your child.

I would just let the police know your son has special needs. I reckon this isn't the first time they have been called out to situations like this. I know things can get very heated, especially when a tablet is getting taken away! In regards to what was thought to have been heard, it was like misheard - our ears play tricks on us.

Two things can be completely true at the same time:

1. The neighbor did the right thing with honest and helpful intentions and the police handled it all well
2. It feels absolutely gutting to have the police called about something that happened in your home and feel under scrutiny by your neighbors and community services

There was likely some telephone that happened here - "I heard a child screaming for help" said to 999 gets repeated by dispatch and then the officer and somewhere along the way that "for" gets left out. But a child being heard screaming "get off me" amidst other things is going to prompt the same response even if that was repeated verbatim, so I would try not to get hung up on that detail regardless.

I'm glad the officer who responded was kind and that you and your son were able to explain. I hope everyone is able to get some sleep tonight.

If he was screaming 'get off me' then it's kind of understandable a neighbour categorised that as screaming for help, even though it's not the same sentiment.

I don't think it hugely matters who it is, does it? Are you going to give them a talking-to if you found out? I agree it probably feels nasty but it was well-meant.

I've witnessed something with neighbours and child where I really didn't know what was happening, if someone had been hurt or if the adult was trying to protect them. If you aren't sure, you always ask for help.

If SS do get involved, you could use it as an opportunity to try to get some extra help or respite, if that exists anymore?
I feel for you, OP, you sound really tired. Go easy on yourself x

Your neighbour almost certainly meant well, and no doubt if your child ever was in distress and his parents unable to help immediately for some reason, that person would again take action quickly instead of dithering around wondering whether to interfere. It's upsetting but it sounds as if DS has learnt from the policeman telling him to listen to his mum.

I very much doubt that whoever called the police intentionally gave false information. In the heat of the moment, their heart racing, blood rushing in their ears, trying to decide whether to take the big step of making the call, thinking time was of the essence and most importantly that a child was coming to harm, it would be unlikely that they would recount to the call handler a perfectly accurate description of what was being said. Panic makes everyone vulnerable to making mistakes. I think your neighbour is probably a decent person, who would most probably be understanding of your situation if you chose to inform them.

it’s more common neighbours hear nothing at all when abuse is happening, just as it was Sara.

I am sorry, that sounds horrible.

For what it's worth, people are terrible at remembering precisely. The sense that a child was calling for help could have easily registered as the child called help. He might even have done so, or said something vocally similar, that hasn't registered with you at that moment as such.

Don't focus on that to convince yourself there were bad intention. There very likely weren't.

OP I know how you feel as have been in a similar situation myself with my adult autistic learning disabled son. The police were always kind and supportive once I explained the situation. They also made a note of our address as being the residence of a vulnerable adult in case of further reports.

Please don't take this incident as a judgement on your parenting. It was someone acting out of genuine concern and that's a good thing. Much better for the police to check and find everything OK than not to check and a child could possibly be being abused. We have all seen the sickening news stories 😢

You need to look after yourself lovely - do you have any support/respite? You are doing a tough job taking care of your lovely son, it can be lonely and isolating and only another SEN parent really understands.

I hope you managed to have a soak in the bath and relax a bit after such a stressful evening and that you get some sleep 💐

I can only imagine how upsetting this was for you. Hopefully though the next time your son is difficult for you, it may help him to remember the police were called and temper him a bit.

I cant help but think though that if only more neighbours did this, more really abused children could be helped.

You don't know it was a complete lie.

They heard the commotion through walls so it's quite easy to mishear.

Try not to think of their intentions as anything other than good.

Is there any chance your phone called 999?
my son who is also SEN, non verbal but very vocal over the smallest things. I’ve found my phone dozens of times on call to emergency services and only realise as I hear a voice from it as he’s pressed buttons multiple times or trying to unlock it he’s pressed the ‘ call emergency services’ highlighted part.
I’ve had many occasions out when I’ve had to put him in a bear hug to keep him safe to stop him running into the road etc just like you described and at home as it does help comfort him and make him feel safe but I worry it doesn’t look like that to others who don’t understand the situation.