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Original poster

I don't understand men

44 replies

Isitme27 · 17/03/2025 20:19

Had a good date. He said he wanted to see me again. Sent a very enthusiastic message about meeting again. But he's going away for 2 weeks in 10 days and says he won't be free until he gets back. Surely if you were interested you would make time in those 10 days?? Makes me think of the old "he's just not that into you"

OP posts:
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Userengage · 18/03/2025 11:02

Maybe he has a life. You should keep dating/doing your own thing/getting on with your life and if he contacts you when he gets back, you can decide if you want to see him again.

It was just one, good date, don’t set too much store by it.

Lungwort · 18/03/2025 10:33

offmynut · 18/03/2025 10:14

Women don`t understand men men dont understand women.

Only if you think sex roles construct entirely different modes of relating to the world, which they don’t.

SerafinasGoose · 18/03/2025 10:31

I'd simply ride this one out, see what happens, and not be waiting around for him in the meantime. Date others, if you've a mind to.

Certainly don't send any begging messages saying you'd like to see him before he goes.

Arraminta · 18/03/2025 10:27

offmynut · 18/03/2025 10:14

Women don`t understand men men dont understand women.

I wouldn't agree with this, at all. I understand men implicitly, they are very simple, straightforward creatures (thankfully).

ForRealCat · 18/03/2025 10:25

offmynut · 18/03/2025 10:14

Women don`t understand men men dont understand women.

Men understand well enough when they really like you.

offmynut · 18/03/2025 10:14

Women don`t understand men men dont understand women.

Arraminta · 18/03/2025 10:12

BlondiePortz · 18/03/2025 09:59

Does it work the same if women act the same?

Show quote history

Yes, I would have thought so?

Kulwinder54 · 18/03/2025 10:11

Maybe he has plans or family/friends arrangements before ge goes on hols? Just go on dates in the meanwhile and see what happens when he comes back. You're taking this too seriously

Mercedes45 · 18/03/2025 10:06

Yup, it's very simple. If a man is into you, you will know!

ForRealCat · 18/03/2025 10:02

Good luck

ForRealCat · 18/03/2025 10:00

I'd move on, if he contacts you respond, and see how things are when he gets back, but in the meantime I'd still be dating and trying to meet someone else.

I dated because I wanted to meet someone to spend my time with, if they didn't have time to spend with me then they aren't fulfilling that role.

I also think in the early days you put your best foot forward, and it sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. He could find time one morning to meet you for coffee, or something-not seeing someone for 24 days when you are in the trying to impress them stage is just shitty.

BlondiePortz · 18/03/2025 09:59

Arraminta · 18/03/2025 09:57

One of the very best pieces of advice I have ever heard is this 'If he makes you feel uncertain or confused or doubtful, then he's just not in to you.'

He's not in to you.

Does it work the same if women act the same?

Arraminta · 18/03/2025 09:57

One of the very best pieces of advice I have ever heard is this 'If he makes you feel uncertain or confused or doubtful, then he's just not in to you.'

He's not in to you.

PointsSouth · 18/03/2025 09:53

What I don't quite understand is why you seem to need to somehow divine what he's doing, thinking, intending in order to decide what you're going to do.

Don't.

Just do whatever it is you want to do.

TheHerboriste · 18/03/2025 09:51

Chromaover · 17/03/2025 22:53

Hm depends. So let's think. 10 days. He might not want to do something the night before he goes away - fair. He might not be ready to do something tomorrow. That leaves eight days (nights?) to play with. If I look at the eight days I have after tomorrow I have plans on six of those days/evenings. Maybe he's factoring in some down/chores time?

As a woman I would not be bending over backwards to see a man if I already had a fairly busy schedule who id only met once. I would however say I'd really like to see him once I came back.

I'd see. Not everyone has endless free time and if they're anything like me they plan lots of stuff in in advance especially if they're free and single, which he is.

Early days.

Exactly.

Not everyone is in a mad rush either. Some people want to date and get to know others as part of a well-rounded life, not as a mission to pair off with the first passable specimen.

It’s a journey, not a destination.

TheHerboriste · 18/03/2025 09:46

What is the rush? He’s essentially a stranger. He’s not a friend yet let alone a lover. Rational people don’t revolve their schedules around strangers or pine for strangers.
When I’m preparing to go on holiday I have a great deal to do at work to prepare, then there’s shopping, packing, giving an extra clean to the house because the pet sitter will be living in. Usually I have the car serviced before a journey and am just generally preoccupied the week before. A new acquaintance would have to be back burnered.

The fact that he’s not behaving dateless and desperate is a good sign, not a negative. He’s secure and has a busy life. Would you rather get to know someone like him or an aimless loser staring at his phone awaiting the next text from someone he barely knows?

PurpleBandZ · 18/03/2025 09:38

Chromaover · 17/03/2025 23:02

You see for me I would not expect regular contact from a date I had met ONCE especially if they've told you they're busy and then going away.

I hate this expectation and find it deeply odd putting.

Op see how things go. If you start seeing each other regularly you can have a conversation about the kind of contact that works for you both.

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I agree

YourBestFriend · 18/03/2025 09:37

He's not that into you.

MayaPinion · 18/03/2025 09:30

Men aren’t that complicated. If he wanted to he would. OLD is a numbers game. He’ll have three or four dates on the go and you should too.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/03/2025 09:24

Sorry, being a bit thick. If he’s going away for 2 weeks, how can he see you unless he comes back especially?

user2848502016 · 18/03/2025 09:21

I think you’re right, 10 days is a long time! I’d cool things and see if he contacts you after his holiday, but assume he won’t

Lungwort · 18/03/2025 09:20

If I were busy and leaving the country for a fortnight in ten days, I wouldn’t rearrange pre-arranged plans during those ten days for the sake of someone I’d met once, no matter how much I liked them.

Swiftie1878 · 18/03/2025 09:17

He probably already has other dates lined up, which is not unusual or unfair when you’re in the dating game.
I suggest you do the same, and come back to him if you’re still thinking of him after meeting others.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 18/03/2025 09:13

LoztWorld · 17/03/2025 23:50

I don’t think this is a man thing. Would you wait 3+ weeks for a second date with someone you were really excited about? Well neither would a man.

I know how rubbish it feels, though - been there, done that (plenty). It’s a numbers game though, so if you can find the will to keep going, then do.

Depends on whether I’m going away for work and am super busy or not.

I personally think if he were not interested, he wouldn’t have bothered to tell OP he’s extremely busy and then going away for 2 weeks. You don’t forewarn someone you’re meh about and want to cut loose that you’ll be out of pocket.

If you can’t wait a few weeks because a potential partner happens to have a life then maybe you’re not that interested in him.

Honestly, in this day and age a man who has all the free time in the world to date is a red flag to me. They’re either jobless and living in their parents basement, they’re on the sick and looking for a carer not a partner, or they’re romance scammers.

Ace56 · 18/03/2025 09:00

Chromaover · 17/03/2025 23:02

You see for me I would not expect regular contact from a date I had met ONCE especially if they've told you they're busy and then going away.

I hate this expectation and find it deeply odd putting.

Op see how things go. If you start seeing each other regularly you can have a conversation about the kind of contact that works for you both.

Show quote history

But regular contact doesn’t have to mean all day every day. It could be one message a day. If someone is interested/likes you then they’ll want to keep up a connection, even when they’re away. If a man can go 3 weeks without contacting you once, sorry but they’re not interested.