To think you don’t do someone a favour and then charge them?

What did you actually agree to?
Originally, your friend was going to watch your daughter. Did she say she would take her out for food and activities or just watch her at home?

Then, when she couldn’t and her mum took over the job, what was agreed? Did she say she was taking the girls out for the day and did you agree to it?

The only time I would ever ask what I owed someone, is if I agreed beforehand that they were going out but usually, I’d give money over beforehand.

Or did you think the girls were just hanging out at home?

If you knew about the day out, then you should really have agreed spending money beforehand but you’re a little stuck now. If you didn’t know anything about them going out for the day then that’s really poor of the mum to spend that much. Maybe send a message to your friend saying you’re a little taken aback as you didn’t know they were going to build a bear and you wouldn’t have spent that much on a teddy/don’t have the money spare etc.

You literally offered to pay, which tbh was weird. Never heard anyone use that as a convo filler.

If your DD has a build a bear box then I would ask now much I owed, as it’s not like you’re offering childcare costs, but reimbursement. Not great she spent that much, maybe she was going to suck it up, but then you asked her what you owed. I wouldn’t have spent that amount in the first place.

I'd never say "how much do I owe you?" Unless I actually thought I owed someone some money so think you're obliged to pay now you've offered.

It's tricky because you didn't know this woman or what she was expecting to happen. I think I would pay up this time to avoid it being awkward for your friend, but avoid accepting free childcare from anyone you don't know personally in future.

Why did you ask how much you owed?

So granny took the girls on a day out and this involved treats and a build a bear.
It's a bit unusual but you don't know what your friend said to gran to do and maybe gran felt like she needed to do something a bit more special givne the circumstances
It doesn't sound like she's wanting you to pay for time but for the costs incurred. If she sends you the bank details you can double check the costs again, maybe saying "how much was bear and food again?"
But you can't refuse or return the bear . You'll have to just accept it and chalk up to experience

As a generally British and polite sentence filler, I said ‘How much do I owe you?’

This is not a "general polite sentence filler", it's a request for the bill. No one asks for a bill if they think someone was doing them a favour.

Sorry this is on you but I think you've been taken advantage of.

I can't get my head round spending £70 of what was effectively someone else's money without any sort of checking in with them/up front agreement. If I had someone else's kids and decided to take them for something nice but unnecessary I'd view that as my choice and my expense.

Give the bloody bear back that's mad. A tenner for lunch. The rest was her choice to spend

Yeah but those people aren't buying build a bears. The princess dresses alone are usually £15.

I'm assuming there was another child there and your child was fitted in with the existing plans.

I wouldn’t pay. If she texts just say that you wasn’t expecting it to be that much and was only offering to reimburse for food. Happy to return the bear but thought friend had offered as a favor due to circumstances some people!

I would never ask a friend ‘how much do I owe you’ if they had voluntarily offered to look after my child in these circumstances.
I wouldn’t expect anyone to be paying me in the same circumstances either.
Mind you, I wouldn’t take that child out and spend £70 without asking either! What a weird thing to do.

I am a bit confused as to why you would ask someone who’s done you a favour, how much you owe them? Unless you knew they were going out for tea, in which case it’s fair enough that you offer to reimburse but if you just thought they were having tea at home and playing, why would you even offer?

edit to add: you should probably pay in this (very awkward) situation. It all seems unusual but you should just pay the £70

Buying your daughter a build a bear is just weird. I’d have questioned why she did that and either told her DD already has lots of toys and handed it back or thanked her for the gift!

I don't think she should have taken your DD to do all that without checking with you first. However, given that she did do it, it's not fair for her to be out of pocket so YABU not to pay her.

Not if you’ve already agreed that it’s a favour, no.
You’ll know better next time, won’t you?
She certainly called your bluff 😬.

I think she was hugely unreasonable to spend so much in build a bear without checking with you first.

Id be curious to know if she would’ve asked for money if you hadn’t offered.

I don’t think it’s that wild that you asked if you owed her anything, but maybe on reflection would’ve been better if youd said “did you need to spend any money on food, do I owe you anything to cover that?” As I truly think anything she did that cost money (other than food) was her choice, so she should pay. But now you’ve asked and she’s given you this bill, I do think you need to pay it.

I always think “this is an unwritten rule on Mumsnet” that I’ve never seen or heard happen in real life.

It was presumptuous of her to do the build a bear thing, then charge you!

First question, why wasn't the daughter in school? I assumed this was just going to be looking for someone to drop her and then mind her until you returned from the appointment in London.

Secondly this does seem like a strange arrangement. What was the friend originally planning on doing with the two children? As a favour I would be thinking they would just be minding them along with their own child, at home.

I think you will have to pay up the money as it does sound like she took the children shopping as you have the bear with it's outfit as evidence and that could easily have cost £50 when adding on accessories.

Can you say something to your friend? I would be mortified if my Mum did this to my one of my friends.
'hi friend, this is a bit awkward and I don't want to sound like a CF but so you know what your Mum did with the kids today? I offered to cover costs (thinking they might have been to maccy D's or something ) and she said it was £70, tbh I wasn't expecting it so didn't know what to say!'

I think it was very odd to ask what you owed. You therefore walked straight into a bill. Pay it, lesson learned. Don’t ask!!

I'm on the fence. She would be unreasonable to charge you for her time if it wasn't clearly agreed before.

She is reasonable to ask you to pay for expenses on the day, but I would be really pissed off if someone had taken my child to something as expensive as Build a Bear without asking me first and then expected me to pay for it!

70 seems like a lot, I do think you have to pay if she send her details but indeed I wouldn't chase her for it either.