To think you don’t do someone a favour and then charge them?

I think this all comes down to norms. I would have expected to reimburse for a cafe stop, maybe transport and soft play entry. But unless you move in very well off circles I think the GM was pretty unreasonable to take them to Build-a-Bear without okaying it first and I wouldn’t chase her to pay that.

However, it was really good of the GM to take her at such short notice when she doesn’t really know you. It sounds like it really helped you out. And in a sense £70 for short notice nannying for a day is probably a pretty good rate (I think - long time since I needed care for my kids). So if she does send you her bank details (and it won’t leave you unable to pay essential bills) then I would pay and make sure not to accept again without mentioning an expenditure cap.

I would ask how much do I owe, with the bear and any treats in mind, not an hourly rate on top.

Good god, why would you ask how much you owe? That’s absolutely mad.

Does she have receipts then?

And definitely speak to your friend.

I'd be disgusted,

I'd usually pay up to save face but in your situation, I would refuse, I'd be prepared for the fall-out.

Maybe pay for the bear..

Not everyone has the manual on unwritten rules, no I would not personally have done what she did but you asked she answered

Sorry I need to add, I think you should pay given you asked not only how much you owe and for the bank account. She also sounds quite generous given what she did (I assume that she only said the payment as you asked). You should've really sent some money with your DD for food, as given the grandmother looked after your DD is was more like babysitting rather than a favour. Perhaps work out what that would've cost if you think it's too expensive. Although I think you should just pay and cut your losses. Lesson learned for next time

You literally asked her what you owe her. This is on you.

I would never think to ask anyone what I owed them for looking after my child as a favour?

It was odd to ask what you owe. You clearly saw in the pics she had spent a fair bit build a bear etc is not cheap. However it is also odd for the gran to have done this did she possibly not know expensive those bears are? I cannot understand why anyone would take a child there without anticipating spending alot or agreeing a limit if she expected reimbursed

I’d pay but I’d give cash to your friend saying - “I didn’t have cash on me the other day to pay your mum, I think she said £70 if that’s wrong do let me know”. That way you’re clear of any debt and your friend knows her mam asked for payment. Never ask them for another favour!

I’d pay it out of politeness and as you did ask how much you owe her but I do think it’s unreasonable to look after someone else’s child when the parent is already in a stressful situation taking their other child to hospital and then to take the children to build a bear expecting it to be paid for

Why on earth did you ask how much do I owe you

It was asking for it!

No I don't think there's any need to expect to owe anything really when the other person has decided off their own back to bring the child out with them.
You didn't get a choice in it did you
And £70 is ridiculous anyway for something not agreed in the first place

Send them a small amount for the food if you want but it's not right saying that

Where do you live? "How much do I owe you" is 100% not a sentence filler round here 😂

She is unreasonable for expecting you to pay for Build A Bear.

I’m assuming this happened after school as you say the girls are in the same class?
I’d be expecting a trip to the park and tea at home for a few hours rather than dinner out and a shopping trip! Extremely costly for a miscommunication error. I’d be annoyed, but maybe she was trying to be extra for your daughter given her sibling was visiting the hospital?

£70 is expensive but its less expensive than an emergency babysitter would have been, even if you had been able to find someone.

Plus it sounds to me like she's spend £70 each on the girls - batshit in my opinion - but I don't think that shes trying to pull a fast one.

So, on that basis, I would pay and definitely don't ask her to do it again!

As a generally British and polite sentence filler, I said ‘How much do I owe you?’

Return it to the granny who had no permission to buy it. And don’t pay her for it.

You are unreasonable because you asked her how much you owe! But she was unreasonable to spend so much money on your dd without checking with you first. The bear alone will have been £40-50

You can’t return a build a bear that’s already been built…
And op has presumably already paid her neighbour’s Mum, so it’s too late to make it her problem.
She should have done this at the time.

Simply give back the bear.

There are three people (four if you count the child) involved in this situation: your friend, her mom and you. And each of one them had their own expectations of how this favour should be played out.
It is bizarre that this woman decided to buy a Build A Bear out of the blue for a child she is supposed to be looking after. Then again, yes, I do think that given that this is a new toy your child now has, you should pay for it.
Another different scenario would be if she demanded money for the time spent looking after the child. That would have been ridiculous.

Tbh the bear could have cost £50

She stepped in to help you out when her daughter was last minute unable so you could still get to the hospital appointment. She took the kids for a nice day out. Build a Bear is a fucking rip off, probably £50 for that by the time they picked dresses and shoes, let alone anything else they did. I doubt she wanted to say no. Expensive as it is, pay up, chalk it up to experience. The grandmother shouldn't end up out of pocket.

She's bumped you. View these people with suspicion