To think you don’t do someone a favour and then charge them?

It was supposed to be a favour? So why did you ask how much you owed? Would you have asked your friend the same? I find that quite bizarre.
I'm sorry, I'd send a token payment to cover the food but not for the bear. She was a CF to do that! She's in effect spent your money for you! On something you hadn't agreed beforehand! No way she'd get paid back for that!

No, in that very post she says she expected any suggestion of payment to be handwaved away.

I’m sympathetic to the OP, but sometimes social conventions bite back.

If she was ‘pressed into it’ she could have parked the child infront of a film on the sofa. It was fully her choice to go to build a bear! I have a child treated at gosh and it costs a bloody fortune in parking etc every time we go so it’s already an expensive day

Exactly!

It’s possible of course that grandma charges her own daughter for days out. Not unheard of!

But still… Op asked what she owed the other woman, presumably having already clocked the bear her child was holding.
Maybe the woman thought op’s pride wouldn’t have allowed her to accept it as a gift, or something.
Immediately asking what she was owed is very strange, it obviously put the other woman on the back foot.
Nothing excuses buying the build a bear in the first place, though.
Totally excessive.
But op practically insisted on being given the bill 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not everyone has £70 to give. That £70 could be coming out of the rent/mortgage or bill. The op said if her a say this loosely friend didn't offer then she wouldn't have taken her son to the appointment. The op isn't the bank of England she isn't rolling in money. I would have been pissed if I got a bill for £70 when there could have been cheaper alternatives. The granny decided to spoil them she made that choice she could have done it another day with her grandchild only.

What if the op doesn't have £70 to give. I would be mortified if someone went out of their way to spoil my child and I didn't agree to it. I would wonder what they were thinking.

Ah I see we are on
"Don't read the op properly and make up a completely different, in fact entirely contradictory account of events" territory.

She wasn't "pressed into service" for heavens sake, she offered, and then op double checked and she confirmed again she was completely willing to look after her, all without ever asking for money.

If you offer to do something without asking for reimbursement first its ridiculous (and very rude) to then try and claim it back.

Even if she had been unwillingly pressed into it (which she wasnt) things like build a bear are a TREAT not a completely normal part of routine childcare. If money was an issue she could have taken them to cinema or soft play and McDonald's for a tenner each, or to the park with tea at home for free.

There was no need at all to spend seventy pounds, it might not be much to you but for the vast majority of people (heard of the COL crisis?) that is an expensive and entirely unnecessary day out - and very cheeky and rude to be the person who gets all the gratitude for being "miss generous benefactor" to the children then sneakily reclaims it afterwards from a stressed mother with an ill child!

If she was only willing to look after the dc if she got paid she should have said that upfront. If she'd said "ill do it for seventy quid" op would have been better off paying for a kids club or registered childminder, who would have been qualified and cheaper!

Exactly this. Surely it was a favour - or you thought so - so why on earth would you ask this.

Exactly, normal people say thank you.

So you are fine not paying her lunch?
I would pay. Lesson learnt.

I would message the mum and say “think we had some crossed wires with granny. I hadn’t realised she was planning an expensive activity. Thanks so much for the favour, it’s much appreciated. I’ll bring £30 (or whatever that costs) at pick for the cost of the bear as I wouldn’t want her to be out of pocket”

Well, considering that the woman was pressed into service to care for a five year old for the better part of a day, at the last minute, I’d say the OP was indeed in her debt.

The bear shopping showed poor judgment on the carer’s part but OP was right to raise the subject of reimbursement. There was lunch, softplay and possibly bus fare involved.

£70 for a childcare, lunch and a bear isn’t horrific. I would ask for the receipt for the bear in case it breaks but overall this family did exert themselves to find a solution for OP.

My mum and dad used to have a friend like this they used to call him ‘Do You A Favour Percy’. He offered to tow a boat on his trailer for my dad and drove under a love bridge and completely destroyed it. I used to love stories about Do You A Favour Percy lol

I agree with the majority, why on earth did you ask her how much you owed her if you didn't think you owed her anything?

If you hadn't said anything she would have been in the wrong to expect or ask for £70 and I'd have had no qualms in saying no if she asked for it. Who takes a child to build a bear without checking with their parent first if they don't expect to pay? That's ridiculous! At most you should have said "can I give you a tenner for her dinner," if it had been agreed beforehand they'd be eating out.

But the moment you asked "how much do I owe you?" you established that you considered that you were in her debt and wanted to repay it - you didn't word it as an offer "do I owe you anything?" but as a fact!

She could equally come on here and say "AIBU to think that you don't agree you owe someone money and then refuse to pay them?"

It wasn't on of the grandma to take your daughter to two expensive activities without asking you first...

Then again, Why did you say "how much do I owe you"?! Weird question, that makes it awkward and opens the door for her to say "well actually..."

In normal circumstances I'd say you shouldn't have to pay anything, but you did offer, and your daughter does now have a build-a-bear...

"As a generally British and polite sentence filler, I said ‘How much do I owe you?’"

Clearly this "Polite sentance filler" is where you went wrong OP. It's also the MOST annoying "British" trait around.

Saying that, to take someone elses child to look after for a few hours and then spend £70 on them without asking the parents first is bonkers.

Thing is - had you not said how much do I owe should she have chased it! She volunteered to have child, then took her to the most expensive kids shop there is in build a bear! All of her own doing, yes you asked out of politeness but most people would say don’t worry about it! It was gm choice to shell out a fortune!

“Why did you ask her how much you owed?” probably because the child walked out with a brand new build a bear and it was bloody awkward. I would have asked the same too in that situation.

She’s a CF taking your child to build a bear and letting her pick an outfit for it too. If she must have taken her granddaughter surely she could have picked up a “pay your age” bear for your daughter and blagged it was her birthday!
But the damage was already done when she took it up on herself to assume you had the funds for all this.

Where on earth did they eat? I’d be internally very pissed off too OP. The favour has turned in to more hassle than it’s worth. Nothing you can say now though really as she did you a “favour”.

She's a cheeky bastard but to save any awkwardness just pay the £70 chalk it up as an exspensive mistake and never accept a "favour" from here ever again, if it were me and I offered to take someone's child out I'd just pay for them, but then again I probably wouldn't take them to build a bear. 😂 I feel for you OP what a shit situation to find yourself in.

What do you expect the friend to do with the bear? She had nothing to do with it.

Did you have any idea that they were going out to BaB, soft play and lunch before you dropped DD off? (or generally going out somewhere- where you'd presumably expect to be paying for any expenses your DD incurred).

If you were told, "it's OK, my mum is taking her grandaughter to BaB soft play and lunch - your DD is welcome to join", then I would have absolutely expected to pay, and I would have budgeted accordingly.

If there was no mention of any activities, then I can see why the £70 came as a shock.

Fundamentally, I think it's far more cheeky to expect the person doing you a favour to pay out £70 to entertain your daughter than it is for you to cover the costs of your daughter's activities. And £70 for a full day's childcare, including BaB for your child is still a pretty good deal.

The issue is whether an expensive activity was reasonable for person doing you a favour to decide to do. In the absence of any discussion, I guess not. But it's possible that was lost in translation as this all seems to have been organised via a third party.

But overall, you had a day's childcare, your child had lunch out and went to soft play and BaB and has her bear to bring home with her - so £70 seems pretty good value. The childcarer will only be covering her costs, not making money out of this.

I would also do this.

I graciously accepted

I love this. I’m going to graciously accept favours all week now.

This is bizarre! A bunch of flowers would do it for me!