To ask how those of us who were smacked

I was smacked once or twice that I can remember. I don't remember what I did but I remember my parents being so angry they were pushed to the point of exploding and the smacking was not a calm and collected punishment. It was the actions of people pushed to the brink and losing their minds. Forgiven but not forgotten.

My child is 8 and I've never wanted to hit him, the idea seems alien to me. I have absolutely shouted and been driven mad by him at times but never had an urge to hit him in my life.

Smacking would have been mild in comparison with being belted around the head and called abusive names. It was immensely damaging.

I still have the book somewhere and will try and dig it out, but it was a pre war book about being a mother. It was something like "a single strike on the hand that will smart but not leave a lasting mark" and it said that discipline should only be carried out in a calm state of mind. I remember it because of the "calm state of mind" phrase, as that was not something my mother ever did.

I would say I agree with that.

ETA, I agree with the description of a smack, not smacking.

I was smacked. I think my parents hadn't done the work on themselves as people that we are encouraged to now and were often overcome with their emotions and thought it was OK to hit me out of anger. It was always done as a punishment but also in anger, not as a premeditated thing.

This is why smacking is banned. I was smacked no lasting issues but ONLY when I had done something wrong leading me to follow the rules so it was a rarity. People sadly can’t stop themselves from taking their anger or frustration out on those more vulnerable and that’s not what it’s about it’s an abuse of power. I honestly believe that older generations had horrible teachers and again used the belt as a way to show their power and let out some anger and frustration often undeserved.

I agree with you entirely. However, I think their parents would likely have described it as “smacking” (both at the time and now).

Both incidents I witnessed took place in the 80’s and I am not able to say if they were representative of “smacking” in other households at the time. Both mums would have been considered nice & friendly mums. Even the Dad I only saw as repulsive because I witnessed him “battering” his daughter. Otherwise, he appeared a normal dad for the time.

I suspect a lot of severe physical abuse has sheltered under the umbrella of smacking. I certainly told my (non-smacking) parents about both incidents and - although they agreed what the parents had done was very wrong - there was no question that they would have been able to intervene in any way.

Define smacking fully in an unambiguous way?

I think there are levels to it. My father smacked me. Repeatedly and quite horribly, it was probably more of a beating. He would count out the number of smacks based on what I had done. It left welts on me that were visible for hours. He used to deny it to my mother. One of the last times was when he used a wooden spoon and smacked me so hard he broke it. My mum once lightly smacked me in a moment of anger. My father’s ‘smacking’ was traumatising, very painful, and the detail and how I felt and thought at the time stays with me to this day, and I very much hold it against him. He has shown no remorse in the present day, and made very callous remarks about it. I think it’s completely wrong and have never and would never smack my own children. My mother’s one smack doesn’t bother me at all. It comes down to severity, intention, impact and the child’s temperament.

Same here

I had the occasional slap across the back of the legs if I pushed my mother to the limits. I have a good relationship with her, wasn't afraid of her and have always known I was loved. I have grown up to be a well balanced, non aggressive person. I don't feel it has impacted me negatively.

The thing is , for a lot us it was “smacking” , that’s what it was called. And we were also told everyone else did it, and it was normal, and not that bad, and our parents had it worse and how lucky we were and so on. And since no fucker gave a shit about my screams or my mum’s it just reinforced that.

I knew it was wrong, I didn’t realise just how wrong or that I was beaten and not smacked or that there was a difference between my smacks and some of my friends’ smacks until much much older.

Smacked at home, no real affect I think because I put it down to the times. And it was smacking not beating.
at primary school we were hit and there was definitely an element of power/control/ humiliation there but I was really hit myself so… the fear was there but I experienced it less.
the huge revelation of secondary school was - no corporal punishment of any kind - and my confidence flourished because I knew if I made a mistake no one was going to drag me up in front of my friends and slap or hit me

I was smacked. Born in the seventies. In fact I distinctly remember my infant school teacher smacking me for being naughty but I adored her. I don’t think it’s affected me in any way.

Yes but this is the problem - there is no firm, singular definition of a “smack”. It’s “legal punishment” which covers a multitude. And there are, sadly, far too many people who consider physical abuse to be appropriate and legitimate.
My parent thinks I was given the odd “smacked bum” for “being naughty”, they conveniently gloss over belting me in the face in my teens amongst other things.

I was smacked a few times. I don’t believe my parents were evil, but I think they couldn’t control their own temper. My dad hit my brother a lot more than he hit me.
I think generally I was more obedient.

what I think is really wrong is smacking a child on the bare bottom: especially in a setting where anyone else can see it. Even threatening to do so is evil and humiliating to the child

I totally agree with you, and used the word "beaten" myself.

The problem most of us who suffered that have is that if you ask our parents if they beat us they would say no, they smacked us.

That they totally lost control and hit us over and over, but crucially with an open hand, to them meant that they smacked us. I know it does to my mother. She once said, when I said that she beat me as a child, that I was a liar. She never punched me, how could I say she beat me......

But it was legal wouldnt not have raised an eyebrow so it was easy for abusers to abuse under the guise of discipline.

Basically the same answer.
Teachers were also allowed to smack us and it didn’t affect me. At least I had the privilege of learning in a quiet disciplined environment.

I was hit regularly by my mum and it was certainly abuse.

Sometimes it was as punishment for misbehaving but not always. I remember once it was because I had written that I hated her in my diary. I was 14 and she hit me until I couldn't walk.

She was abused by her own mother and after beatings she would tell me that what she had done to me wasn't as bad as what her mother had done to her, as if this was somehow justifying her behaviour.

I am NC with my mother now and don't think there is any reason to hit child ever.

@wfhwfh they were not smacked by your describe . They were beaten.
There is about million level difference

This....Verbal abuse is SO wrong!

I think that the moment you smack a child is the moment as an adult that you lose self control. My parents smacked me regularly as a youngster for really minor misdeeds. I remember being held against a wall and hit. It has had a lasting psychological impact on me and I have vowed never to do the same to my children.

I was never smacked myself but I heard 2 children friends being smacked by their parents (different households) and I remember to a child’s eyes it seeming absolutely brutal.

The first was a mum I really admired as she was a “cool mum” who let my friend eat junk food and stay up late whereas my parents were very strict (although never violent). I heard her totally lose it with my friend over something silly like her wanting to wear a different outfit. There was screaming, crying and slapping in the next room and I remember being utterly amazed at how this laid-back woman had transformed into a raging monster (to my eyes) over a trivial incident. The mum obviously had no ability to emotionally regulate as I think she was very embarrassed afterwards that I’d been there.

The other incident was worse. I was at the house of a new school friend. She had an annoying little brother who, that day, was repeatingly trying to join in with what we were doing and threatening to “tell” on us if we didn’t let him. My friend started to get nervous that her dad would “batter her” for not letting her brother join in. I didn’t really appreciate the situation as the brother was 5 years younger and I couldn’t understand why the parents weren’t looking after him (they were in the house). Anyway, the brother got frustrated and told on us to the dad who did proceed to batter my friend. It was utterly humiliating for her and I didn’t really ever talk to her again. I guess I felt guilty and I never wanted to be in that house again. I remember really despising her dad as a cowardly bully of a man. And despising her mum too for being with him. He looked so repulsive repeatedly taking out his aggression on a small 8-year old girl.

Both of those incidents made me appreciate my parents. They were strict and consistent (with bed-times, food, homework, pocket money, etc) but I respected them rather than feared them.

I just want to pint out that what many people on here are deacribing as "smacking" was actually a beating and child abuse.
I am sorry you wwnt rhrought this. You weren't smacked. You were beaten.

I distinctly remember being about 7 and being sent to get my mum's belt so she could hit me with it and saying to myself, "Do not cry. Do not cry". She used to get so pissed off that I wouldn't cry. My siblings would wail and I'd be sat there with a mardy face. She hated it.

My father smacked me once lightly and not in anger - I think he figured after that it didn’t really feel productive. I was still upset about it but I would never call it abusive - I just think he was confused and he thought that was what he was supposed to do in those circumstances.