To ask how those of us who were smacked

I was not smacked by my mother but she sometimes told me how disappointed she was with my behaviour and that really made me upset and want to behave more kindly.

My Dad smacked me three times that I can remember.
I was very naughty - flicking something in my brother's eyes, breaking off newly planted roses and calling my mother a horrible mother.
I was very young the first two smacks and they happened right there and then, near the brother and near the roses.
I was a young teenager when I spoke terribly to Mum. I was warned that I would get a smack if I spoke to Mum like that - so I called her a horrible mother again and was asked to step outside to receive a smack on the back porch.
It stung and I knew I deserved it. I was nicer to Mum afterwards and I apologised but was still a pretty mouthy kid at home as a teenager.
I remember always being proud to behave well in public, I enjoyed being good. It was comfortable and I felt like an equal member of society when I followed protocol.
All of my siblings also received about three or four smacks and we discuss them, still. No one was ever sent to their room or given long discussions. We knew the rules; the smacks were fair. We were a large family and we socialised with our parents and other families quite regularly. Sunday School, Brownies, Netball, Gala Parades, Flower Shows, Pony Club.
No kids were smacked by their parents in public. Some naughty children were told that they would get a smack but I never saw one.

Kids were formally smacked at school in the 1970s and 1980s. I earnt one smack once for climbing onto the school roof. The waiting in the headmasters office and being told that my parents would be informed was worse than the smack on the hand with the ruler, to be honest.

Same here.

I think there is a big difference between smacked and beaten, I was smacked quite a number of times, quite happy to admit I fully deserved it. Didn't do me any harm.

I’m 71 and reading this thread is incredibly painful; my mother regularly hit me using her hand, a clothes brush or a cane. I was terrified of her. I would constantly ask if I’d been a good girl and she wouldn’t answer so I lived in fear of her.
My father never touched me or my younger siblings, he seemed to just ignore her behaviour towards us.
I would get hit for something my younger sister had done, she was a great liar, of her twin and I would get hit because of something she’d done (she was the golden girl until the day my mother died in her 90’s)
I never did anything right in my mother’s eyes, and I never grieved when my parents died.

I has affected me greatly. Also my relationship with my parents. I see why they did it, but it is unforgivable.

What I don’t understand about smacking is that yes, on paper smacking looks like terrible parenting and setting a bad example. So why are children not only so badly behaved but so miserable/anxious since smacking was made illegal? I was smacked, I don’t really care, I’ve never smacked my own children or even raised a hand to them as I’ve never needed to. I haven’t grown up to be a violent person yet there are many more violent kids in school since we stopped ‘setting a bad example’? Why?

At one point in time it was also illegal to be gay and domestic abuse was acceptable. We can still acknowledge it was wrong and an abuse of power.

This isn’t a thread about if people hit their kids it’s about if they were hit as a child. I agree with smacking. It does not bother or upset me and I feel nothing about it as an adult.

This.
It's not remotely negatively affected my life.

Do you hit your kids if you think it’s ok? If not why not?

it is more than possible to “discipline” kids without physical violence. I have never needed to use punishment or fear based discipline, simple reinforcement of boundaries and modelling acceptable behaviour appears to have been effective enough.

i deliberately did not raise my kids to accept “my word is law, don’t question”. As girls I wanted them to have the confidence to voice their opinions and expect to be heard. Not to be conditioned into accepting authority whether that authority is right or wrong. I taught them to ask questions and stand up for themselves and others if needed.

my motto has always been doesn’t matter what the problem is, I will help you fix it. Not I will punish you for your mistake.

I'm in my early 70's - born mid 50's - and it was standard practice to discipline children, both at home and in school, with smacking or similar in the home and even caning or hitting on hands/legs with a ruler in school.

My personal experience of this is that it was proportional and I actually consider myself a better person as an adult for having very clear discipline, clearly laid down rules and a clear idea of what was right and wrong. I fully acknowledge that other kids of my era had parent and teachers who over-stepped boundaries on this issue.

I do not consider that I was abused as a child because I was smacked occasionally to reinforce parental discipline.

No. I've never been scared to discipline my kids. A parent has to discipline kids because kids need to understand what's acceptable and what's not.

And what's not is hitting people so that they will do what you tell them.

Doesn’t bother me at all. I think my mum was right. Parents are scared to discipline their kids these days and parents are more scared of their kids.

I hit my dad age 17 before he had the chance to hit me. He never did it again. He was still a miserable sod though.

I was smacked, usually on the leg sometimes in the 60s. It had no effect on me whatsoever and I couldn’t care less about it. I wouldn’t give it a moment’s thought!

I was smacked by my mother / doesn't bother me now. My father beat me once with a rubber tube and broke the skin - i never forgot that but he died shortly afterwards so there were no repeat opportunities ( he used to beat my mother)

Yes smacked and I was terrified of my mum and her temper. We've actually talked about it like adults and she has apologised. It was "normal" then and yes even teachers smacked children. I asked her if she would smack her grandchildren (my children) and she said absolutely not.

I have no feelings about it tbh. It happened and I've accepted it and moved on.

I was only smacked a few times. I’ve never thought about it.
I have smacked my daughter a couple of times she’s 35. She said it hasn’t ever bothered her. She doesn’t smack her child.
I think it’s a thing that used to happen, like driving without seatbelts.

We got one smack, only if we ignored all warnings. I have no doubt it was absolutely justified by my behaviour. I’ve met loads of kids who could do with a smack. And I think lack of discipline is a massive problem today. My parents were not particularly strict but we knew how to behave, especially in public.

I recall being threatened with a smacked bottom but don't actually recall anything ever being done or having big feelings about it. My dad doles it out as a cheerful threat, and he's the "big softy" of the family - I think my sister says he only did it once as a tap.

My mum was a bit more insidious - she would threaten to take away favourite toys forever, would ban us from parties etc (as an aside, for offences that were either not our fault or rather spuriously connected to the offence).

It wasn't effective, it just drove us to lie and avoid her.

I was smacked by both parents, not that often and I can say it didn't harm me in the sense that it isn't something I dwell on or even think about.

Like I said I was smacked by my mum and dad a couple of times and I always knew exactly why they did it. It was mainly for doing something unsafe. It was never done in anger or frustration.

I have a lot of respect for my parents and never felt terrified growing up. They just put boundaries in place very early on and there were consequences for your actions and because of that we hardly ever overstepped our boundaries. I grew up in a house filled with fun, laughter, respect and love.

I got punished way more at school than at home 🫣 (eg late homework, uniform not up to standard or someone in class misbehaving and whole class gets punished). I went to a very conservative secondary school.

I think one of my biggest issues with being smacked is I never got chance to defend myself. Not physically, but I was never spoken to about it. I remember the indignation a lot of the time for receiving what I considered an unjustified punishment, and thinking if only they’d listen to me…

I agree with pp is well. It led to me hiding a lot of my problems and never discussing anything. My mum in my teenage years would get frustrated because I “never talked to her” but why would I? I never knew what would trigger punishment or disapproval, often with no actual discussion.

Mid 60’s, so yes I got the occasional smack (with a hand) as a child, from my Dad and once at school from a teacher. I was a mischievous, at times naughty child, usually when I was a bit bored, and looking back possibly did give my (very loving parents) some grief at times. The school smack was misjudged, I was tall, had long legs and strode out walking our class “snake” into the back of another class. Deemed a school crime, me the girl got a smack on the legs, the boy I was with got the cane. Different world. Did it ruin my life? Not at all. Did it spoil my relationship with my parents, not at all. Having said that, it was very occasional, one smack on the legs, and not that painful. I recognise that some children were traumatised by ongoing parental discipline, probably proper abuse. What I did get out of mild chastisement, was never to repeat the same behaviour. Vocal bullying would have been far worse. Personal response obviously.

For those who say perhaps knowing they were loved reduced the effects of the slap, I never questioned my mum loved me. She was my no.1 advocate, but what she didn't realise was she was also my no.1 adversary and the person who did me the most harm. Really ironic. It messes with your head to be so fearful of someone you love and to know that they love you whilst they beat you. It sets you up for normalising abuse in the future.