To ask how those of us who were smacked

There's a big difference between being smacked and beaten.

I was smacked once off my Mum, out of pure fear I had put myself in danger and once by my Dad when I went too far. They both didn't like it either.

I don't remember any pain, just a bit of humiliation. Oh and I learnt from those couple of incidents, thinking it could happen again but it never did as I realised a sense of respect, not fear.

Depends entirely on the severity and the regularity. I probably got a tap on the hand when I was very young...but don't remember. Other than that I can only remember my DM doing it once and my DF the same (though that was mostly fear).
I don't think it negatively affected me. Always surprised how honest I was with my parents compared with some I know, so it didn't effect the relationship.
If kids are of an age you can have a decent 2 way discussion with them I don't see the need for smacking.
Often,eg SILs, kids are appalling but then she never followed through, let them do whatever they wanted when little and was constantly saying the opposite of her partner which is basically the what not to do guide (she also smacked in temper but with or without that they didn't stand much chance....1/3 of SILs DCs turned it around.

I don't think, hitting a child in anger is ever discipline but in fact someone losing their temper.

If someone is going to choose to smack (I wouldn't) it needs to not be when the parent is angry and potentially out of control

I was smacked by my mum. My dad never smacked me.
I loved my mum more than my dad because I always knew she loved me and parented the best way she knew how.
The fear of being smacked also ensured I tried to behave myself because kids can be feral and it did help to ensure I didn’t get into trouble.

I was never scared of my mum, I was scared of being smacked by her for doing something I shouldn’t do.
This has also helped me take accountability, she wasn’t a raging lunatic and being smacked was a consequence of my own behaviour and not anyone else’s.
as I got older, smacking was pointless as I got less scared of it, there were other consequences like talking to me about something I’d done which made me feel awful and in some cases, I’d rather she just smacked me. 😂but I was generally a good kid anyways.

I was smacked occasionally and I'm really close to my parents. I was also an absolute shit head si it was probably deserved 😂I have smacked my eldest twice (she's 15 now) but never the younger 2. I didnit when she ran in the road, and touched the fire(not switched on) , so 2 things that could have serious consequences for her. The younger 2 never did anything i deemed naughty "enough" and also times change (i certainly have) and i learned better ways to deal with things.

I feel sad, mainly. I was so scared all the time of doing something ‘wrong’ and giving my mum the excuse to lose it. Even using my eraser on my maths homework, leaving rubber bits on the breakfast bar, was enough to catch it. It resulted in me being sneaky, trying to hide mistakes and desperately doing everything to keep my mum as happy as possible while simmering with resentment inside. Classic people pleaser behaviour.

So much to unpack and unlearn as an adult. I’m just sad at how long it took me to get over being smacked as a kid. To everyone who still maintains that it’s useful for discipline…erm, nope. It just makes grown ups with the instincts of scared, confused kids.

I was smacked (quite a lot as I was the ‘naughty’ child in our family apparently) - I hated it at the time, but I don’t think it’s done me any long term damage. It’s just what it was like back then in the 80s / early 90s. I think what I have noticed far more since I have had my own children is the lack of expression and love in my childhood family setting. I tell my children I love them all the time, and while we obviously fall out occasionally or they get fed up with us when we have to discipline them (never by smacking or other physical means though), they almost always say “love you” casually back to me as they leave the car in the morning at school, or when I go up to say goodnight etc. I can’t recall a single time when my parents have ever said “I love you” to me, nor have I ever said it to them. It simply wasn’t the done thing back then and being very stiff upper lip-ish is just engrained in me now with how I deal with my parents. Even when I was diagnosed with cancer, my mother sent me a card that had “get well soon, best wishes, Mum and Dad” written in it, and then we never spoke of my illness again. Families are funny, I have no doubt that my parents must be fond of me in their own way, but they just would never say it. I can recall being highly delighted on the one occasion my sibling was smacked, so maybe I am a psycho after all (or I was just sick of him always getting away with everything because I was the scapegoat and he was the golden child)!

I was smacked in the ‘80’s. Not often and always with a warning beforehand. I’ve never really given it much thought although I wouldn’t smack my kids. Things change.

I was smacked with alarming regularity all over but especially the face I used to wonder how my head didn’t fall off because she would gear up like she was fighting an adult not a tiny toddler.

in response to the question I despise my mother and I have very low contact if at all she knows nothing about me and life.

not only has it left me with emotional wounds such as C-PTSD, low self esteem etc it’s also left me open to abusive relationships with partners as I assumed I was to be treated poorly.

I’ve never hit my children this cycle ends with me, I’m not a perfect parent no one is but I want my children to have a childhood they don’t need to recover from.

I got a smacked bottom from time to
time when I was in primary school. Never thought much of it at the time nor do I now. Middle class parents, nice house, good schooling etc- early 90s and lots of parents did it ( friends’ accounts).Wouldn’t do it to mine but harbour no ill will.

Me either. It probably kept me on the straight and narrow

I was smacked as a last resort by my mum . Never felt it was abuse as used very rarely and to be honest I deserved it most of the time . Nowadays I just feel that parents try to be friends with their children instead of parenting

I think it entirely depends on the circumstances. I was smacked by both of my (separated) parents. My dad it was very rarely, never particularly hard and only ever when I had done something very bad/dangerous and repeated warnings hadn't helped. I actually only remember it happening twice, though he admits it was more than that. I don't feel any resentment or fear of him and honestly don't feel that it harmed me or our relationship. My mother was very different. I was smacked for being bad, but also for being tired, for being slow, for talking, for simply existing when she was in a bad mood. I was threatened with a studded belt, hit with objects, humiliated in public, called disgusting names, generally neglected and underfed. So honestly I find it rather upsetting when otherwise loving, decent parents are tarred with the same brush as actual abusers for simply following typical parenting methods of their time.

I was smacked and beaten. Several times a week. Sometimes with her hands/fists, other times with implements such as wooden breadboards with a handle, shoes/slippers, feather dusters. Whatever was close to hand. We weren’t naughty kids but would be beaten for the slightest thing. I was often beaten/hit for the crime of not controlling my younger siblings when they were naughty/squabbling.

When my sister challenged her about it many years later she denied it! Didn’t remember any of it! I’ve been NC with her for almost 10 years now for many many reasons. And I never hit/beat my kids.

I get annoyed/upset about it sometimes. I often wonder why neighbours never reported it. They must have heard the screams and shouts. She gave my sister one hell of a hiding at a caravan park one summer, all the doors open and families about. No one said a thing!

I remember reading that the year after corporal punishment was banned in schools, assaults on teachers by students halved. I remember more big playground fights in my own primary school than in my dcs'. Smacking has been illegal in Sweden since the 70s, but I'm not aware that it's a particularly violent country.
You said you don't smack your own kids. Are they violent? My dc fought a lot less than me and my sister did as violence was normalised in my family.

I was smacked by both parents. I think it's lazy parenting because it's discipline through fear rather than appropriate consequences.

Having said that it was quite common and of its time. Most of our friends, cousins etc got smacked too.

The times I must remember and feel angry and aggrieved about however are the times my parents lashed out and smacked before establishing the position (i.e. that a different child had committed the "offence" or something had broken/ fallen accidentally; we weren't allowed to explain as that was "answering back" and resulted in more smacks). Or, even worse, when the parent just seemed to be hitting out of pure anger to make themselves feel better. Those are the times that seemed so unjust and make me feel upset even now, decades later.

The answering back thing was unfair and ridiculous. I used to think even a criminal in a dock is allowed to defend themselves but I am not.

70s baby here - v v regular smacking: hands / wooden spoon (leaving marks)
looking back it’s strange because I was a v quiet child not at all ‘naughty’

Parents have little recollection of this and if I have ever brought it up they would change the subject

I don’t think you can blame the rise in violence on banning smacking as it’s only illegal in Scotland and Wales so England should have well behaved young people by that standard. You say you don’t smack so how are your children? Mine have never been smacked and are not violent or aggressive and that goes for most of my friendship group.

The issues with young people and violence is probably due to many factors including social media and internet access, having both parents who work, permissive parents, poverty, decline in opportunities for young people… it will never be down to just 1 factor.

Ditto.

but once again people can’t differentiate between a slap on the back of the leg and being beaten with a slipper, belt, cane etc.

I was smacked (rarely though) but my next door neighbours (similar ages) were hit with a belt. That absolutely horrified me. There are always limits.

If you got smacked did you also get beaten up at school?

There’s a smack and there’s abuse. Different things. Quite frankly I think a smack today would do some bratty children good.

how do you feel about it now?
That DM chose to use me as her own personal stress ball when I was little continues to inform my view of and relationship with her (it's not the only thing though). I don't think smacking was that acceptable - my friends witnessed (and commented on) DM hitting me but it was my normal, not theirs.

I was smacked the odd time, and it didn't do me any harm that I'm aware of. It was only when I did something really stupid/dangerous. OP, your mother was an abuser. I have cousins who were most likely messed up by their mother. They lived in terror of her. Their father was no saint either, but she was a demon when she was in a bad mood.

I would never smack a child as I think it's wrong.

To all those posters that are suggesting the demise of snacking is the cause of poor discipline in schools (and elsewhere): correlation is not cause. Other things that could be contributing to this include, but are not limited to: a lack of outdoor play (both in and out of school, for all sorts of reasons, most of which aren’t within the power of individual parents to control); a lack of physical play (obviously linked to the former); a lack of unstructured, unsupervised play (again, for complex, societal reasons); starting formal education far too young; a one-size fits all curriculum with failure deliberately built in for the least-academically able third - and few opportunities for dignified, rewarding work beyond school for said third . . . I could go on, but the point is, it’s not that simple, and anyone who claims it is, is not really interested in finding the true cause (s) and fixing it (them): they’re just indulging in a bit of parent-bashing, because, well, it’s what we’re all do, isn’t it, blame rather than seek to understand. It’s more fun/satisfying.

I was smacked, although not often. On balance my parents were good parents trying to do their best. There are a number of things they did badly in my opinion that I've tried not to repeat with my own children. They parented in the 80s which was a very different time and culture. They are good people and having acknowledged the things that were particularly impactful on me, I've let it go.

I think it's useful to acknowledge when any unhelpful voices in our head are their voices and where any patterns in our behaviour that stem from childhood no longer serve us and we can replace them with our own thoughts and behaviour. Their values don't have to be our values etc. But I also think the pendulum has the potential to swing too far and we can lose our sense of perspective a bit.