To ask how those of us who were smacked

Ps I smacked my son, but it was only once or twice before I realised I hated myself afterwards, it didn't work & it was when I lost control and was hurting the thing in my life which was most precious to me.

I was smacked. Occasionally.
I had a very lovely ,selfless , but also a very depressed (possibly autistic , now I look back as it seems to run down my mum's side of the family looking back , and with hindsight) shout-y mum. The shouting did more harm than the occasional smack . I love her , she isn't abusive in the traditional sense. But up until age 7 , I thought my mum didn't like me.

Same. We got smacked with a wooden spoon as well. Usually just the sound of the drawer opening was enough to make us stop. I don’t think about it, it hasn’t affected me in any way. I’ve never smacked my own kids though.

I was smacked, hit and kicked by my Mother as a child!

I was a remarkably well behaved child! Apparently looking like my Father, or doing well at school was enough to set her off!

Her behaviour was abusive, both physically and emotionally!

I am glad that I barely saw her as an adult!

I have never missed her since she died! It was a relief to know that it was over!

I have never once smacked, tapped or hit my children! I never would!

Hitting children should be banned!

That’s the other issue with smacking, no matter how “light” it is. A lot of kids got smacked (and still are) for perfectly normal behaviours / stages of development, or worse for disabilities/learning difficulties, or not conforming to gender roles or a billion other spurious reasons that boil down to being an inconvenience. Which once again, it’s a complete mindfuck to a child even if the actual act doesn’t hurt.

Same, also had vile teachers, but all behind me.
They were of their time, some more so than others, but forgiveness sets you free.

I did have a friend who wasn't just smacked, but beaten by her dad. Literally rolling his sleeves up and beating her and her siblings.

Another friend and I made the mistake of trying to intervene once, and she got double the beating for us being disrespectful friends.

That would have affected me. Often wonder where she is.

I'm so sorry to read this my mum used to take her anger out on me too and I think it affects you inside . I wasn't even a naughty child but I was so glad to leave home.

My DF smacked me a handful of times, it was an abusive act. He’d lost control of his emotions and it had nothing to do with what I was or was not doing and it didn’t teach me anything other than my DF can be violent when angry.

I think how people feel about it largely depends on how the smacking was done. My Dad for example, only smacked me a handful of times, when I had done something really wrong (and then it was only really a light tap). Though I wouldn't even do that to my kids, I hold no ill will to him over it, it was a common form of punishment then. My Dad is no longer with us, but he was a kind, loving and generous Dad, who would go out of his way for us.

My Mum on the other hand had a really bad temper and smacked regularly and hard. Often it felt I was being smacked because she was in a bad mood and not for anything I'd really done. I had difficulties learning to read as a child (turns out I'm dyslexic). On one occasion, she had me reading next to her and she smacked me every time I didn't say a word quick enough. By the end I was crying so much I couldn't get the words out even if I knew what they were. That night is the only time she ever apologised. Another time as a teenager, I was crouched down looking in the cookery books for a recipe (books were bottom shelf). As I had looked at a book I'd left it on the floor (I was planning to put them back once I'd finished). She came in screaming that I'd made a mess and then hit me hard enough to make me fall backwards (admittedly given I was in a crouched position I wasn't the best balanced, but still). So yes, I feel my Mum was abusive.

I once got smacked because instead of doing my 11+ past paper I spent a few minutes playing with a toy car on the table. I remember now trying to pretend like I was just looking at it, but I got smacked.

This makes no sense . How can you possibly know how you would’ve ended up without being smacked? Or your son?

Have all respectable adults been smacked? It’s not smacking or nothing. It never was.

I’m also a respectable adult and I was beaten. Should I beat DD? Should I advocate beating all children in case they don’t become respectable adults?

Talking of DD, she’s only a teenager and I never smacked. She’s a lovely, kind, polite and well behaved girl and that’s not coming from me, it’s coming from her teachers, peers’ parents and most adults she comes in contact with. Must’ve been magic.🙄

I would be smacked on the bottom if I did something really naughty or dangerous. However, I never felt abused in any way and tbh I most definitely deserved it. I've not had a bad relationship with my mum, we're very close indeed.

I was smacked as a child … and hit with a wooden spoon. I never felt loved because of it. It just felt reactive, angry, abusive and wrong … even as a child.

I was smacked. It taught me to lie to get out of trouble and be wary.

Was once told to take my younger sister with me when I was going out with friends to do a paid activity.
But my dm insisted I take my younger dsis with me. I refused and then she said I had to take her. Again I said no, then she smacked me.
My response was, well you can smack me all you want, but I am not taking my sis with me. I’ll just not go, so you will have to look after both of us.
She was not amused, but I didn’t go….

I was smacked when I did something wrong. Mainly fighting with my sister's or arguing with my mam. I think a lot of people were in the 2000s which is why there is very little discipline now. I remember feeling so helpless and will never hit my children. I won't even shout at them.

I was smacked a bit but not often. I do remember them still when happy memories are not easy to remember.

I am close to my mum though. We definitely weren’t hit a lot.

I agree with the posters who have said it was a different time then. However there is a smack and then there is a beating. We were smacked as children but I always felt very loved and secure and I have a great relationship with my parents now. In fact sometimes as kids we knew we would get a slipper in our direction if we did something rebellious and it was almost exciting. I never recall feeling physical pain and most of the time my mum would threaten to “smack them teef off your face!” 🤣

I was smacked as a child and would get a proper beating in my early years. Yes I very much view it as abusive looking back.

Looking back now there is a frustration and sadness around it - it’s impacted my own ability to regulate my emotions, and I’m sad for my younger self that I was disciplined with anger rather than with love. At the same time however I can see that I was disciplined in the only way my mum knew how, it reflected her own upbringing and her own inability to properly regulate her own emotions. She used to beat us until one day she beat us really badly, and it shocked her enough to stop. I’m proud of her that she did, but I’m sad for myself that I experienced it. There’s also a bit of anger there that I even have to experience these confusing emotions of feeling sorry for her when I wish she’d maybe tried harder, but it is what it is. She worked hard to break generational issues, and she did her best. Now I do my best, and I’d never lift my hands to my own kids. I’d never dream of hitting another adult, why on earth would I hit a kid who I’m supposed to be guiding into adulthood?

A lot of people followed on from their parents, my DF & DM would have had canes used on them in the 60's. Whenever we were smacked in the 80's it was followed by an explanation and then asked if we were okay.

The threat worked.

There is a huge difference between a smacked bottom in the 80's from a loving parent, versus a violent physical attack by a cruel parent

That is unforgivable. Smacking today, is unacceptable.

I was smacked as a child, by my mother and stepfather. My mother was struggling mentally and my stepfather was sexually abusing me and my sister. We were smacked for different reasons by each but much more by my stepfather. The emotional impact of having an emotional abused mother and being sexually and emotionally abused by my stepfather was worse.

I was smacked, usually because I had been told several times and didn't stop whatever it was! It wasn't abuse, I just pushed boundaries until I got a smack and I knew they meant business!
There is definitely a difference between getting a smacked backside and being beaten, especially when you have been warned repeatedly as a child and still carried on!

Father used belt often for little reason. My Mother didn’t try to stop him. Flashbacks to this day.

I work in child protection and have done for nearly 20 years. I am also just about old enough to remember the head master in primary school being able to use 'the slipper' on occasion. I was never smacked, this did not mean I had a sunny and care free childhood, my mother's poor mental health and mood swings on reflection now an adult were a different form of punishment/control.

I really believe the smacking children should be made illegal in England (as it is in other parts of the UK and the world). Essentially it is an adult loosing control, does not work and there is a massive power imbalance. For all those saying 'it did not hurt me', well there are thousands of children it did.

As an adult, if I resulted to settling an arguement with physical violence towards another adult I would quite rightly be prosecuted. So how can it be right that someone much larger, with much more power and having adult comprehension of right and wrong can legally assult a minor? It is a loss of control by someone who should have the maturity and life experience to do better. In the longer term, the message this gives out to children with developing minds and without adult comprehension is wrong on so many levels. The behavior children learn is modelled by the adults and society they grow up with.

I was smacked as a child, and as a result I have grown up to be a harworking, respectable adult. I dont think about it, and it certanly hasnt caused any mental health issues or ptsd. I have smacked my kids (on the bum). They to are respected hard working adults. When I say to my children that I am sorry that I hit them, they say that they know I would of only done it because they were being really naughty and thank me for caring so much to do it. Otherwise my son says, he might of grown up a brat with no respect for anything like kids do today.