To ask how those of us who were smacked

Born in 1974 and I was smacked by both of my parents just with the palm of their hands. Hard enough to leave a hand mark so must have hurt them too. I knew they loved me and I was materially well cared for but they didn’t show much patience or sympathy over anything. They both had strict upbringings and didn’t know any other way.

When they smacked me I felt furious and it always felt unfair. If it was so effective ad a punishment they wouldn’t have had to do it so often. It didn’t do me much harm but it certainly didn’t do me any good. I learnt to be a good liar and got up to all sorts as a teenager.

I’ve had a good relationship with them as an adult and they’re brilliant grandparents. No concerns that they would hit my children. I know my mum has regrets and admires how my brother and I are doing things differently with our children.

This.

It was abuse then, it's abuse now. I was smacked in the 00s.

I will never, ever do it. I can't teach my daughter that her body is her own and to speak up if anyone does anything without her consent to her body, and then tell her that if she does something I'm unhappy with I can hurt her body and she can't do anything about it.

I have never thought of it as abuse, for me.

I always knew what I'd done wrong. We would be warned and told what to do instead. If we carried on, we got a smack. It taught us to listen and stop pushing boundaries.

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It does not bother me though I understand other's experiences will differ greatly.

I'm in my 60s so I think most children were smacked then. My mum would slap my bottom if I was naughty but it didn't happen very often. A look and the threat of a telling off was enough. Dad never ever smacked us, he was very laid back and tended to joke about things. Grandparents didn't smack us either.
So I can say it didn't do me harm.
However, nearby there was a family with 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy and the boy was actually beaten with a strap, slipper, etc, by his dad and grandad. When he grew up he went off the rails and ended up in prison. The family were farmers and they treated their animals better than their son. Hitting certainly did him some harm.

I wasn't 'smacked' as a child and a teenager, I was hit including in the face and for no reason other than the adult that was supposed to care for me could not manage their emotions/anger.

A big part of why I had very little contact with them as an adult.

@sherbertyellowteddy is it possible you, like me, became an expert people pleaser, learnt how to read situations well and therefore developed a more empathetic nature.

Then, when you parent, your own child can take advantage of that nature without you even realising how it happened. ( Dependant on child's temperament also).

I asked my mother, who was a health visitor in the 80s onwards, if she thought smacking children was wrong. She thought about it and said that mostly smacking was about the adults losing control, not about what a child needed.

I was smacked as a child. I can't say for sure, but I think it stopped when I was about 7/8 when a neighbour found me as I was marching off to the police station to show them the handprint on my leg.

Same here in all honesty. There were lots of things my parents did or didn’t do that wouldn’t happen now. No seatbelts in cars, smoking around children, open coal fires, No parties at the latest soft play, no holidays abroad, we even had no indoor bathroom until I was 7!
But I knew my parents loved me, until the day they died.

I suspect some of this boils down to how much violence , and how fair or otherwise it seemed at the time. There seems to be a world of difference between the occasional smack and being repeated and regularly hit in anger and with string firce in how it affects people in later life

however even without smacking it’s quite possible you would have had a bad upbringing and relationship - that may have been a symptom not the cause

I was smacked too (early 40s). I also used to get smacked on the hand with a ruler by a teacher (primary school aged) if I/or any student wanted to use the toilet.
as you said it’s wrong. I don’t smack my kids. I also have a difficult relationship with my DM and it’s not because of the smacking as there are other issues but it certainly didn’t help.

My mum was a smacker. I was never smacked as I behaved, due to not wanting a smack. I'd never speak to my mum out of turn, answer back or even lay my hands on her. My daughter on the other hand, has physically assaulted me, occasionally speaks to me like shit and doesn't do anything I ask. She has consequences that never seem to bother her, (sent to room, phone taken away etc) thats probably because she's not in fear of ever having a smack I suppose.

I was smacked as a child. Not loads, I don't think, but I can remember it happening so it obviously made an impact on me.
My mum used to work in education and I remember her being part of an anti-smacking campaign when I was in my 20s and that made me angry. When I spoke to her about it she said my childhood was "a different time" and that's what the discipline advice was back then. But no apology or an admission of being wrong.
I know it wasn't always a measured response and it happened out of frustration or anger.

I don't know how much it has affected me. I have horribly low self esteem but I was also bullied relentlessly by my sister growing up so that might be part of it too.

My main take away is I cannot imagine wanting to smack my own children. I cannot imagine deciding that is a good way to discipline. And that makes me think my parents didn't have enough love for me to stop them doing it. I just cannot get into the head space of someone who thinks, my child has done something I didn't want them to do, now I have to hit them. I have never, ever wanted to hurt my children. And I guess I'm kinda sad that my parents didn't have those same strong feelings of love and protection for me.

I was smacked, soap in mouth one time for swearing ffs. Parents both highly reactive, very young, poorly parented themselves.

I have nothing but understanding, forgiveness and compassion after seeing how hard I've found parenting at times.

What I find difficult and a problem, is when bad behaviour still continues ( my family is dysfunctional, coercive and absolutely a narcissist and even sociopathic tendency in members). So, I can forgive history and smacking which was rife in the 80s every time.

Zero accountability and repeated behaviour that is very manipulative and what I call dark - no, not ok. That makes me think about the whole history and feel sad at times. Also angry. I'm in 15 years of therapy.

I had to cut a sibling off because of the above; e.g no change or growth from abusive behaviour in any way.

Same, I was a little shit at times 😂

i was smacked occasionally at home and school. Never smacked my own. Probably because my life was generally easier rather than a policy to be truthful. But otherwise no noticeable impacts.

Don't even think about it unless I see a thread about it or it mentioned in the papers.

I was smacked a few times but not regularly. It was either for poor behaviour, significant rudeness, or as a result of doing something dangerous.
Doesnt bother me at all, and I dont think of it as abusive. In fact i look back on a couple of occasions and think "fair play".

I don’t think about being smacked much. Systematic emotional blackmail has left a far more profound legacy, though. I don’t do either to my kids.

I remember being smacked it wasn't very often, would never dream of smaking my DD but I don't think any less of my parents for doing it

This.

I was smacked (not beaten) im sure on occasion and it's not something I think about to be honest. I probably deserved it and It's had no adverse impact on me as an adult. That said, I'd not smack my own kids.