To ask how those of us who were smacked

It all dependes whether you deserved it or not.
I do believe there are exceptional circumstances that warrant a smack.

Similar, though I wasn't in fear of it - I rarely thought about the possibility of getting smacked, just vague awareness that it was a "last resort" option available to them if nothing else worked. And it wasn't a big deal - more embarrassing than painful.

@SwedishEdith By that logic, how does anyone know anything about themselves?
I never think about it, have no residual trauma that I'm in any way aware of, and harbour no negative feelings in any way towards anyone about it - and think my parents weren't unreasonable by the standards of the time.
So in what way do you think it might have harmed me?
I'm perfectly happy to agree that others may have been harmed by being smacked in their particular circumstances, but for me in my life, no, I don't think it did me any harm in any way.

I was never routinely smacked but my mum did slap me round the head once when I was a teenager. I deserved it!

yes it sounds inconsistent- although o admit that smacking was never ruled out as an option in my head

i think it’s because partly I can see that hitting in anger , excess force, and regular hitting is most definitely harmful for a child so if you can avoid it you avoid any potential problems

life was easier in many ways than my parents so things didn’t ever get to the stage where a smack might have been traditionally / historically used to save time and move on

i didnt have the financial stress but I did have children tv

and there is a lot more information ( cheers MN ) about alternative approaches - taking a child away from a situation , distraction

so lots of things worked together

I was smacked, but to be honest it was the least of my worries growing up. I do think it’s abusive, but it was considered normal back then so many parents didn’t do it to be abusive (some did).

It just doesn't have any bearing on how I look back on my childhood at all. Nor do I think it had any material difference to my life. It was just part and parcel of growing up and wasn't at all unusual for my time and area.

I know you aren't meant to say this but I think I preferred the odd smack here and there when I got caught being naughty than the ever present surveillance and rewards chart that followed on from it. At least it was over and done with in short order.

Saying that, I didn't smack my kids. I just don't personally begrudge it.

I was smacked by both parents for "bad behaviour" ie childhood misdemeanours. This was the 90s. Though it was "normal" for the time, I do consider it abusive. My dad used to leave a hand print that would smart.

Getting children to comply out of fear is a pathetic way to maintain authority to be honest.

I would never do it, I can't imagine seeing the fear or betrayal in my kids' eyes and being OK with that. I also wouldn't want them to grow up thinking that's the way you resolve a problem.

Me too. Older millennial. Barely think about it. I don’t smack my kids. We need to let go of the victim mindset.

I was smacked occasionally by my mum, never by my dad. It was done in anger but it was never excessively hard to leave marks or anything and I would say it was infrequent. I don't consider it abuse but I also don't think it's a particularly useful or effective method of discipline. I'm glad that things have moved on and most people don't consider smacking acceptable any more. In fact, living in Wales, physical punishment of children is illegal and I think that's right. Children deserve the same protections in law that adults have.

No damage here and I would smack my children if I thought it necessary.

I was smacked (often very hard) on the bottom by both parents from quite small until around the age of 8 or 9. I guess my parents were hit by their parents so assumed it was normal. I have never smacked or hit my children and have a very much better relationship with them for it. Dreadful to hit little ones, bullying and abusive.

I was smacked (in the 90s). To be honest I don’t really think anything about it, and ultimately I don’t really think it did me any lasting damage (that’s not to say I don’t think it can do lasting damage to other people).
I have never and would never smack my children though, because I think it’s bad parenting.

I was hit by my Mother often, all through my childhood, she didn’t love me and I was scared of her.
It has affected me all my life, I have never hit my kids and I always defend anyone/thing weaker than me….but I have anger issues when I feel threatened and completely lose my shit… to a scary degree, the anger I feel is beyond belief.
My adult children have occasionally seen this behaviour towards feeling threatened and say it’s such a shame as it’s just not me.
I’m sure with a different Mother I wouldn’t be like this…

I was "smacked". Although my definition of smacking was beaten repeatedly around the head, arms and legs. My mum would also pin me to a wall and dig her nails into my cheeks and tell me through gritted teeth that she hated me.
This would be due to some very minor infraction such as forgetting to do homework, failing my driving test, being fatter than my good looking cousin etc. It affected me immensely, I'm in my 30s now and I still get tearful when I think about it. I don't know why she didn't love me.

I was smacked but tbh it's the last thing that worries me about my childhood!
What's past is past.
I think that my parents did the best they could with the resources available to them- be that emotional, financial, whatever.

I smacked one of my kids when they were little and was absolutely horrified with myself so never did it again.

Having said that, some of the appalling behaviour that is being tolerated by parents now would never have happened in the past when it would have been nipped in the bud with a sma ck on the back of the legs so maybe it wasn't as terrible a thing as we think?

My Mum used to smack us with her hand, wooden spoon, horse whip and a cane.
I don't really like the woman but I do still have a cordial relationship with her.

What you experienced was absolutely physical abuse. Smacking with a hand and smacking with an object are two completely different things. I was smacked as a child but only with a hand. And it really doesn't bother me now. If I'd have been through what you did then it definitely would bother me. So sorry you had to deal with that as a child 💐

Mine used to smack me in public to humiliate me into behaving- bare bum, always. It had the desired effect- compliance through humiliation. Shit parenting. I hate any physical contact with my mother, have done for as long as I can remember, maybe this is why.

I was born in 60s. Smacked as young child. Rarely. Across palm of hand with palm of their hand. Sometimes I was grabbed by hand or arm to stop me doing something which wasn’t gentle. Smacks were Obviously not hard as it would have hurt them too. I don’t think anything of it . Frankly. Nor do my siblings. Nor do friends I still hav3 that grew up same. Smacking stopped once we were old enough to be reasoned with, talked too, and was always because we were doing something potentially dangerous. I never even considered it as an issue until years later in my mid/late twenties when smacking started to get frowned upon.

yep, law is changing and culture has changed. I didn’t smack mine in early 90s. But I don’t hold with it being automatically abusive, which is not something id be prepared to admit in public now fac3 to face.

i was also still of generation when corporal punishment was used at schools. Never got slipper myself . But knew kids that did and were caned. I do remember a liberal use of rulers being whacked on desk just in front of your hands, and board rubbers/chalk being hurled at kids who wouldn’t stop tlaking. Didn’t usually hit . Have to say, whatever damage it did to kids, classrooms were disciplined. People didn’t back chat teachers . Hey ho.

however, I WAS abused by a neighbour giving us lifts to school. He’d slap and grope my bum every time I got in and out the car. In front of my siblings . They thought it was the game and laugh he made it to be. I didn’t know anything other than I hated it, I felt humiliated and embarrassed. And I couldn’t say anything to my parents and my mum was dependant on this guy giving us lifts. Didn’t realise till years later, as an adult, what it was. Took till my late 40s to realise it was abuse.

I think we all know when slaps, hits, smacks etc are wrong when it is being done to us. Mightn’t be able to articulate it as abuse, but we all can know as a child when it feels wrong. The issue is legislating for it. So, yes, it makes way more sense to criminalise it outright to protect those of you who were hit in anger, and kids like me with a jerk getting off on it.

i think you reflect a lot on your own childhood when you become a parent and your kids reach the age you had certain experiences. In the 80s my DF used to hit us with his leather belt! I could never dream of hurting my children this way. I never realised until I was older that he only ever did it when my DM wasn’t home and she never knew.

I was occasionally put across the knee and spanked - from what I remember it was for temper tantrums or defiance.

It was a pretty common form of discipline where I grew up in the early 1980s. I don't feel it's had an obviously negative effect on me, but who's to tell? I have a good and warm relationship with my parents, but I've never been particularly open with them emotionally. I'm ND though, so maybe that accounts for the emotional guardedness.

I didn't smack my own children and have put a lot of effort into talking about emotions with them.

I think you have deeper issues than some people who were smacked.

My mum used to smack me, bloody hard too I’d have a perfect red handprint on me. I was so afraid of her as a child, more so as a teenager and never went to her when I was in trouble etc as I was just so scared of her reactions. She once cornered me and kicked me, over me not turning the television off.
To ask her about it now it was just ‘normal’ at the time apparently but I vividly remember dialling childline once and then immediately hanging up so I was frightened.

Saying all of this, as adults we’re close. I have kids now and tell her I’d never lay a finger on them and she agrees and is glad ‘things have changed’. I’ll never understand why she was quite as angry and violent towards me as she was, though. It was always over such minor stuff too - cutting my dolls hair, or something.

Agree with this.

If I’m being honest, social stigma is one of the biggest reasons I don’t smack my DC. My relationship with it hasn’t been a negative but I believe in striving for ‘better’ and clearly less physical punishment is definitely in a child’s interest. That said, it may just be rose tinted glasses but I do believe there are more disruptive children in my DC’s classes than I can recall.