To ask how those of us who were smacked

I was smacked occasionally. Once by a teacher at Primary school who left a red handprint on my leg.
But, though it would never be something I would do, it wasn't the smacking, it was the shouting.

I loved my Stepdad, still do, but he was a shouter. Didn't take much to trigger his temper. I hated it. I hate raised voices even now. Somebody at work a few years ago shouted at me and I just dissolved.

Apart from the teacher one (she was my favourite teacher and I think it was the shock, more than anything). I don't remember the smacks like I do the shouting. The stuff I lied about, the 'crimes' I would hide to not be yelled at.

Why would you hit someone having a meltdown? Sorry, “meltdown”.

This. I was a relatively obedient girl but I was also caned in anger when I was disobedient, enough to raise big welts.

I thought it hadn't affected me and I even thought a little smack to the hand to reinforce a lesson, like running across a road, was ok.

But when I had my own baby I completely changed my mind. That's not too say I am perfect - my child has SEN and is way more difficult behaviour than I had. There are so many times I wanted to lose it. But I try to remember the horrible impact it can have on them. Maybe some kids can brush if off. But some can't and it has a terrible effect on them and it's all they can remember of their childhood.

My parents did it probably because their parents did it, and they were brought up in a time when parents are supposed to be obeyed and respected, and questioning this earned a smack. And they probably did what the thought was best and best for me. (Apart from when they smacked and caned me in anger.) So I sort of understand. But I also hate them for it.

I don't want my children to fear and hate me, and I would never want to cause them pain, so I would never do it to them.

One day at 17, i thought it would be a sterling idea to turn around to my mother and tell her to fuck off in a sneering and disgraceful tone knowing fine well that I was bigger than she was.
The slap that landed me on my arse was wholly deserved, and I respected her for it.
She gave me a hand up and we were fine.
We had a great relationship but in that moment I was absolutely pushing the boundaries and got what i deserved.

I was smacked, had the belt and the slipper was never a bad kid though and no it doesn't affect me.

Not arsed. Navel gazing doesn't do anyone any good.

There's a difference between thinking about it and doing it though isn't there. What stops you from smacking an adult is fear of the consequences. That's the point. The absolute injustice of not having to deal with any repercussions of hitting a child.

Self defence is an entirely different situation, if you were being attacked by an adult, of course the appropriate response would be to fight back. Children aren't exactly a fair match now are they?

Autistic children who have "meltdowns"

I was smacked and spanked with wooden spoons, slippers etc. and soap in the mouth if I ‘talked back’ or similar.

I feel a mixture of disgust and compassion towards my parents. I needed to move away from our hometown as soon as I could. We now have a surface-level ‘good’ relationship but I don’t love them.

I don’t agree with smacking kids but my being smacked has no impact on me now and it’s not something from my past that bothers me.

In my mind there is a difference between smacking for discipline and hitting out of rage. The latter for me is abuse and is what I was subjected to as a child by my narcissistic mother. It had nothing to do with teaching me a lesson and everything to do with hurting me in order to belittle, humiliate and therefore silence me. And it worked. She also used to slam my head against the wall and dig her nails into my flesh until I bled. I entered adulthood with severe self esteem issues that I have never truly overcome. And I still occasionally flinch if I am standing near her and she moves her arm. Tbh the emotional abuse was as harmful as the physical abuse and I have gone low contact with my parents, who still try to pick fights with me out of nothing.

I once tapped my own DC on the back of the hand when they bit me hard on the finger at the age of 4, but other than that have always found alternative methods of discipline that worked and have not needed to resort to smacking.

Having said that, I also find it completely astounding back in the day how accepted it was for other adults - teachers for example - to dish out physical punishments to children.
When I started at my high school, there was a teacher there who’d also taught my dad. Back then, he was an RE teacher and I’ll never forget my dad telling me about “the incident”.
My dad had been a bit too chatty with his friends. He’d been told once to be quiet, but carried on. This teacher came up behind him, with one of those giant church bibles, opened to the middle page, and slammed it closed around my dad’s head 😳😳😳🫣🫣🫣

I was smacked very occasionally, smacking was reserved for especially bad behaviour/rudeness. I don't give it a second thought now and I don't believe it has affected me in the slightest. Have a very close relationship with both my parents.

I don't know what you're projecting here but all I've done is ask questions – what can I possibly be 'getting mixed up' when I haven't stated a position?

Incidentally, I'm sure if you'd asked my mother she would have said she had excellent reason for what she did. She might even have made a strong enough case for it that you believed her. I certainly believed her, for years.

I was smacked a lot as a child. Never beaten. But a lot of smacked bottom, slap across the cheek etc. mostly when my Mum was frustrated or agitated.

Honestly - it made me feel deep embarrassment, shame, frustration and mostly anger towards my Mum. As I grew older it just made me dislike my Mum more every time she did it. I grew up scared of her and how she might react. I felt in fear of her and unloved. I remember as a young child and my brothers were play fighting - my mum walked in and smacked them both for fighting 🤷🏼‍♀️ and even as a young child I remember thinking WTF why is she hitting them as a punishment for hitting each other, makes zero sense!

We are not close now, at all. There are 4 of us siblings and only 1 really has a relationship with her.

I kind of understand that it was just how it was in the 80s, many parents smacked their kids then, it wasn’t frowned upon. But I also can’t imagine ever physically hurting my children. My children and 7 - 13 now and I’ve always found ways to communicate with them calmly, reward good behaviour and give consequences for bad behaviour. All three are well behaved and polite children who have never been in trouble at school. Smacking is just so unnecessary.

Same here. Smacked once or twice in Infant School, and quite a few times by DM. Not by DF though. It was a thing in my DM’s family that smacking was done by mums. My DGF’s father beat him badly when he was a three year old - before WW1. His DM made all her sons promise that when they had DC they would leave ‘physical chastisement’ to their wife. My DGF never smacked his DC.

Every kid in my class was smacked. No one thought anything of it at the time.

That's like reading my own feelings - I was so terrified of my mum that I'd have a lump in my throat and would even physically shake if I was going to be left alone with her.
She had this way of looking at me or saying "I want to have a word with you later" and I'd be so petrified I'd be close to throwing up, because I knew it would lead to being screamed at (sometimes right into my face), being slapped and hit and sometimes kicked and mentally dragged down.
Even now I can remember that pure fear.

People are definitely conflating 2 different things here. Being slapped around the face or hit so hard you cannot sit down for days it's quite clearly abusive and not the same as a short sharp shock type of smack, with an explanation for why it happened, followed by a hug.
The commonly quoted reasoning that says we would not hit an adult so why a poor defenceless child is silly training.
Would you tell Ann adult they had to go to bed at a certain time, or that they had to finish what is on their plate before pudding. Would you say they were not allowed screenwriting until they had studied for an hour.
We are not responsible for ensuring that adults grow up into decent human beings but we are responsible for trying to ensure our own children know how to to behave and be kind and considerate and listen to advice when wise and well meant. We do not treat children in the same way as we treat adults

The back of his hand was my dad’s answer to everything- a typical part of his shitty, unintelligent character. I hated and still do hate him for it.

I have never hit my own children because, whatever pseudo-science bullshit name or excuse you want to call it, it’s violence.

No, smacking was not abuse.

I was smacked (born early 70s). Sometimes it was because I'd been naughty, so I could kind of understand it (not justifying it, just saying it made sense to my child brain), but other times I was smacked because my parent was frustrated or angry and that just seemed incredibly unfair. As soon as I was big enough I hit back, harder. The smacking stopped after that and my parent lost all power over me.

It took me a long time to realise that anger and aggression and violence are not appropriate or constructive ways to deal with a disagreement. I'm now the opposite and would never physically hurt my child.

I once watched a Supernanny episode where the parents or at least the mum smacked the children when they disobeyed her. Quite hard repeated smacks and she said “I love you” to them as she hit them. 3-5 times. And they cried. What sort of message does that give a child? And it clearly didn’t work did it because they called in Jo bloody Frost.

The times my mum was spiteful with her tongue, or passively aggressive with me hurt me far more than when she smacked me. Those are the times that still burn in my memory.

I didn’t smack my kids, but nor did I try to punish them emotionally.

I was smacked, and I think it affected me negatively TBH.