To ask how those of us who were smacked

My dad used to hit me. It stopped at 16 when I hit him back. We have no relationship. Would never hit children. It is abuse, a larger adult hitting a smaller vulnerable child. Anyone who can't discipline any other way needs parenting classes imo.

My brother was incredibly violent as a teen and I have no doubt this contributed to it as he hit people who he thought had done wrong

I was smacked constantly but I preferred that to the name calling and shouting in my face. I never smacked my two sons because I never wanted to hurt them in any way.

my mother died a few months ago and I never shed a tear because I never felt loved by her. Smacking was an outlet for her anger - she was brought up in an abusive home and carried on her own parents behaviour. My best revenge was breaking the cycle.

I am a seventies child and was smacked by my parents, hit with a wooden spoon on my legs and bum and my dad once took his belt to me on one occasion.

The time my dad took his belt to me was when I took my sister to a friends and never told anyone where we were going and everyone was terrified and panicking looking for us both. I was 8 she was 6. He only hit me once with it and afterwards he was so upset and apologised to me. My mum was horrified he did it, but they had both been beside themselves with worry.

I never really questioned it in those days, as that's what everyone did and how I and my siblings were brought up. My friends were also brought up this way.

It wasn't a regular event and I was in no way abused, but I was made aware that I had done wrong and my behaviour was out of order. It was of it's time to a certain extent.

I have a daughter and I have never smacked, hit her or treated her in that way, and I am glad that it is now frowned upon, however I don't have any long lasting trauma or bad impression of my parents.
Mind you I still remember my dad hitting me with the belt across my legs, so maybe I am traumatised, but I never did it again!

I was smacked as a teenager. And sometimes with the belt or slipper. By my Mom.

It was for disciplining purposes only.

I’ve had conversations with my mom about it since. I never disagreed with being smacked, I just disagreed with the use of the slipper/belt as I didn’t feel the punishment fitted the crime (I was a fairly well behaved kid, it was my mouth that got me into trouble). I didn’t feel that being lippy with my Mom deserved the belt/slipper.

However, I have an amazing relationship with my mom. Always have had. We’re best friends and I’ve never ever felt I was ‘abused’. I was just disciplined, sometimes harshly in my eyes, but disciplined nonetheless.

It’s so wrong, back in the 70’s and 80’s when most of these stories occur, men generally didnt get involved in the day-to/day childcare - it was all the women.

But it seems that the point that men(dads, uncles, brothers) stepped in was to hit a tiny child on their bottom in a way that overpowered, frightened and shamed them. Why? Even if you thought there had to be physical punishment (which I never agree with myself) - why is it delivered by the man?

Id be really interested to hear the thought process of any mothers who allowed a man to hit their child.

I think this is understandable

Yeah this didn't feel like I deserved this.

Thankyou.

I knew I deserved to be punished but I always knew violating my body integrity in this way was wrong.

Inflicting pain on kids to make them learn is so clearly wrong I don't see how anyone can defend it.

My 30 year old uncle did that to 6 year old me. At my grandma's house. Nobody stopped him.

I remember being smacked but not what for.

She was proud of the marks she left.

I was scared of my mother from childhood until the day she died. Not just from the smacking, she did other things.

Not really
I’m 53
we’ve had a fractured relationship
my mum died when I was ten
I now have a narcissist step monster who never let me a part of the family and they paint me as crazy and unhinged. I’ve actually seen emails from them to friends and heard friends tell me what they’ve said.
I finally drew a line before Xmas.
I’ve spent years wondering what to do. I’ve taken police advice from family in police who detest him to counselling advice etc.
He used to take naked pictures of me too that I have some of now, pictures of me showing my knickers as a small kid and he used to masturbate in bed next to me. I never knew why they bed shook till I was older with someone who would do the same and then I realised.
There was physical abuse more so after my mum died let alone emotional abuse.
I tried telling school as a teen but they told him and I got beaten more. Even my nan told them.
I was kicked out at 16 when I became pregnant by an older man. It was my escape.
I had a job set up when I left school (in the 80s) so I could save to leave home but then he told me I’d have to have my wages paid into his bank account and he would allow me travel money to work etc but I had to pay him back all the money he had spent on me as a child.
I have tried to confront him with this but he denied it and gaslights me.
I got him a gift of ancestry dna test few years back as he does family tree etc…did not tell him I did it too. No match!!
I have never let my kids be left around him and when my brother had his daughter I tried telling him but he did not want to hear and we fell out for nine years. He let his daughter stay over etc and he’s a police officer!!
Police have said to me that it’s all very hard to prove and I’ve gone through so much in life I am not sure if I have the strength to go through something like that…six year legal case in the high court after my son was left brain damaged by hospital negligence broke me!!

It's disgusting. I'm so sorry you went through that.

I cannot comprehend how someone "calm" could inflict that level of pain or humiliation on any child, nevermind theirs.

You didn't deserve it. It wasn't good or Godly or anything remotely reasonable.

I manage Sue. Sue was giving me right attitude yesterday. She was warned that if she didn't start behaving in line with the respect at work policy then she would be disciplined. Unfortunately, she was unbelievably rude to a customer. I took her to one side and said "I told you there would be consequences if you continued. You were warned". Then I gave her 3 hard smacks on the bum. Not hard but hard enough to feel for a minute or so. Now she'll know what rude behaviour gets.
It's the best way to learn. I don't know how else I could get the message across.

I was born late 90s and was hit regularly. I do view it as abuse. It wasn’t done always as punishment just if they felt like it or if they perceived you’d done something wrong even if you hadn’t and they didn’t bother checking first. It definitely negatively impacted our relationship and I don’t let them near my children as I know they’d do the same to them.

I am so sorry.

Is this what people are referring to as ‘beating’ ?

This is what happened to me, it was called spanking.
I really struggle with it and hate the word.
I think I am scared to say the word beat as it’s so obviously unforgivable.

I could have written this myself. I have a strained relationship with my mother, and I’ve also been examining why. I was smacked frequently by her; she told me I was awkward, difficult and she wished I’d never been born. Ironic when she tried for children for ten years. My younger sister was never smacked or treated like this.

Mother is now elderly (80 this year) and wonders why we are not close. Our lovely dad died a few years ago, and although we visit out of duty, there’s not the same love now that dad has gone.

On my 40th birthday, as a sort of excuse for the way she treated me, she told me that I’m likely autistic, and have dyspraxia and ADHD. This is an excuse for the way she treated me, and the closest to an apology I’ll ever get.

I’ve never smacked my children, or spoken to them the way she did me. As a parent I cannot imagine laying a finger on my children; those beautiful beings that I chose to create. Anyone who hits their child, whatever excuse they use, is vile. A snack does so much long lasting harm.

That thing about ‘didn’t do me any harm’ is patently nonsense. It obviously did: it turned that person into someone who thinks it’s okay to deliberately hurt children.

I resent it hugely and I have a very distant relationship with my parents as a result. It’s assault. Adults should learn to regulate their emotions instead of physically abusing their children.

I used to get smacked. My mother would wait til she'd calmed down, tell me how she wasn't doing it in anger. Then make me come into the bathroom, take down my pants, lie over her lap, then she would hit me very hard with a wooden ladle a couple of times. Telling me she did it because she loved me. I was asked by my teachers after pe about the bruises it left.
I have a very strong memory not of the pain, although it must have hurt, but of the absolute fury and hatred and humiliation I felt at being exposed and having something done to my body against my will.
I have a terrible relationship with my mother now. Not just because of this. I don't think of it often but I knew it was wrong then and I know it's wrong now. I'd beg her not to do it as it was making me hate her. She said I deserved it, quoted Bible verses at me, and sadly went ahead.

I was smacked a bit. But I also grew up with very loving parents who were supportive and encouraging. I am pretty close to them both now (probably closer to the smacker than the non smacker) and don’t really think about it. Being smacked was not ideal but nor was it formative for me. I appreciate that isn’t the case for everyone and so you’re not wrong to feel the way you do.

I was smacked but not a lot. I don’t have many thoughts about it now as it was a sign of the times (80’s). The one time I remember was with a belt and it’s never left me. That said, I’ve never spat again so I guess it worked!

I did snack the hands if my children a few times. I never felt good about it and know it was always in frustration and lack of control so I stopped. I should ask them if they remember.

I turned on my mother when I was 14 when I suddenly realised that I was bigger than her.
I had just come through the door and she was accusing me of something and started to hit me around the head.
I beat her to the floor and told her if she ever touched me again I would kill her.
She never touched me again but I still hated her till the day she died.

I was smacked, my mother was a teacher, I got ruler over knuckles as well. I never thought anything more about it. Short sharp is better than banished to sulk with no tea, isn’t it?

This is so repulsive on your dad’s part and so sad for you.

I’ve always suspected that men who smack their children on their bottoms are getting some kind of revolting thrill out of it. It is in no way normal behaviour.

It’s totally different to the frazzled mum losing her cool and giving a quick swat or parents who give their child a slap on the hand. I don’t agree with either of these personally and wouldn’t do it myself - but I can understand how it happens .

What you describe is a man who should never be around children.

And this is exactly why smacking needs to be illegal - so men like this can be prosecuted rather than being allowed to dress up their perversions and power play as discipline.

I hope you’ve managed to put it behind you and have a happy life

My dad didn’t smack me
he beat me
he would put me over his knee pull my knickers down and prolonged spanking for trivial things
when I was a teen and found his Janus magazines about spanking, it really repulsed me even more.
I have a four year old granddaughter now and the thought of a man doing that to her makes me feel murderous.
my dad is still alive and a narcissist who thinks he’s never done anything wrong but omg so much more.