To ask how those of us who were smacked

Having read 10 pages it’s quite clear there is a difference between being hit occasionally and being hit frequently. It seems those who had an occasional smack seem ok with it, some even saying they deserved it.

Then there are those who were hit frequently and not just with a parent’s hand. Those individuals feel much more affected. It isn’t surprising I guess.

As a family we went on a holiday of a lifetime when I was maybe 10. Old enough to remember it. I can’t. The only thing I remember from that holiday was being smacked because I dropped my drink. I can’t remember the journey, the accommodation, the pools. I just remember being hit. I can’t remember a lot from my childhood but I do remember being hit.

The last time my mother hit me I hit her back. I was 16.

I was occasionally smacked, for very naughty behaviour. My mum would get really upset afterwards and regret it. It couldn’t have happened more than a handful of times.

I don’t think about it. It has no lasting impact on me. I know I was loved by them.

My sister retaliated as a teenager, she had been slapped round the face and she booted my mom in the leg with her doc martins.

I couldn’t believe she had done it!!

My parents were totally appalled and shocked but in truth what foundation could an objection rest on? Should not use violence? Should not act on lost temper?

My mom def backed off at that point.

At the time I was in awe and didn’t know how to feel.
I love my mom but the memory makes me smile a little vindictively now 🤷

My mum occasionally smacked me but never very hard and I think only about 3 times.

My dad never smacked any of us - he's massive and very strong (rugby player) but an absolute gentle giant.

He taught my brothers to never hit or even touch a girl and to only fight if in self defence.

As a result I grew up with a strong sense of self respect and felt incredibly protected, loved and looked after. I'm so grateful to my lovely dad as he really set me up to expect nothing less than he was as a man - kind, gentle and honourable.

My mum is also lovely but had 3 boisterous kids and was occasionally run ragged. I think if she were a parent nowadays, she wouldn't smack but it was only gently and not very often.

I will never smack my child.

I was smacked as was my brother. Both parents had no control over their tempers and my mother was also emotionally abusive. I look back now in horror. Since i had my own children, who i have "gentle parented" (ie firm and authoritative but always kind and understanding and never ever make them feel bad or unloved), Ive really struggled with how my parents treated us.

Like other PPs, my mother now sometimes comes out with gems like "theres never an excuse to hit a child, that just shows youve lost control", and i think WTAF?! Like shes rewritten our childhoods.

There were many other harsh treatments and when i look back i think "we were good kids". We really were. None of it was ever deserved. And i cant forgive that. Because it took me until about 32 to realise i wasnt the bad, lazy, selfish person id always been told i was. And i wonder how much easier life might have been if someone had actually shown me
compassion.

Its affected everything. My relationships, my mental health, my physical health. And as my own DC get older im finding it harder and harder. Because i can see them happily thriving and really knowing themselves and i feel so angry and upset i didnt get that chance. And my relationship with my parents isnt great now. I think my dad knows and feels remorse because he is very generous with money (im a skint single mum) and i often think hes trying to make it up to me.

I was but not regularly. I don't feel it was abuse, just a poor parenting choice, done in desperation mostly.
I wouldn't do it to my kids. It isn't productive, and I wouldn't want my kids to be even a bit afraid of being hit by me.
But tbh, what I remember more is my dad getting angry. When he's in a mood or cross (and that hasn't changed) he radiates stress and anger in a way that makes my stomach turn and I'd just want to shut down and not engage.
He'd never have 'hit' and when we were smacked (which was rare, and probably not past like 8ish?) It wasn't in a rage. But the anger and shouting and aggression is much worse.
Not something I give any thought to and isn't relevant or have any impact on our relationship today.

I was born in 1962. I think our parents had some real genuine challenges back then and I'm not surprised they 'went to town' sometimes.

I look back at what my parents had to deal with and how they got through, I have no clue.

theres only one time I was smacked and remember it. It was at school for something I didn’t do and it’s the injustice I remember more than anything.

This reminds me, I did retaliate once and pulled my mums hair so hard she cried, and the memory of her tears is very painful, I loved my mum and she loved me but my thoughts as a child was you hit me I will hurt you back.

My Dad never raised his hand (nor his voice), he was and still is a gentle soul 😊
My Mum would smack us occasionally. As others have said, it was the go to method of discipline in the 80's. I was scared of my Mum's wrath, not in an anxious way, scared because she'd follow through on consequences - if she said I was grounded for a week, she meant it. She never caved, I had to serve my time 😂 I would've preferred a clip round the ear than a week grounded!
I can't remember exactly what age I was when she stopped hitting, what I do remember is I lifted my hand to hit her back - and she never hit again.
Looking back, my Mum's temper was verging on unreasonable. I don't bear any malice though, she dealt with a lot (acute loss at too young an age, amongst other things) and we had an amazing relationship as adults. I lost her 5 years ago, and I miss her dearly.

I got hit all the time as a child. For the smallest things. I still remember the fear, running away from my parents and trying to hide.

One of my earliest memories is trying to escape from it- running out the front door and down the stairs, around the side of the house. I ran and ran but I tripped on a bush or something and fell over and my mother caught me and hit me. I must have only been 2 or 3.

It was mainly my Mum, sometimes my Dad. Rarely with just hand, it was usually with a plastic spatula or kitchen implement. Never one hit either, always multiple. Left marks. They were red and stung.

They did it until I was in year 9. Then I left home to get away. I remember feeling so embarrassed and ashamed.

I was born in the 90s. My parents would say it was normal in these times.

I have poor mental health, low self esteem, constantly walk around thinking I’m a terrible person and someone will find out.

I have never hit my kids.

I was smacked as a child. I don’t think too much about it, I understand it was the norm back then and my parents didn’t know any different. Not an excuse, but a reason.

I feared my parents, and as a result hid things from them and we weren’t close when I was a teen. I wouldn’t have spoken to them about anything of importance.

I have never smacked my children, a teen and pre-teen, and like to think I have a great relationship with both. We talk, they confide in me, my home isn’t ruled by fear. I would have liked to have been a bit less shouty sometimes as they grew up, but I’m not pretending to be perfect.

I have only one memory of being smacked, I was born in 1965 so of the generation when smacking was considered part of parenting. I remember being very naughty and running up the stairs away from my mum who smacked me hard against the back of my thighs. My dad was so upset at the time and later told me it hurt him to see the red marks left on my legs. The thing is my mum was normally a very gentle and kind person who I considered my best friend, I don't think she abused me, but that she lashed out as I was probably being awful, I know I was hard work as a child, but what saddens me is my dads reaction and how much seeing this upset him as he didn't believe in smacking at all, and my dad was 10 years older than my mum, he was born in 1928 so I would have thought he would have been stricter of the 2 of them. Its the only time I remember being smacked too

I was smacked and beaten (with slipper/shoe) frequently, by both parents, sometimes leaving bad bruising. I wasn't an intentionally naughty child; I was a high academic achiever and never got hit at school although others did.

I was eventually (in my 40s) diagnosed as autistic and it's clear much of my childhood behaviour that 'earned' smacks and beatings was a facet of that - being unable to do certain things due to what we'd now call sensory issues, having meltdowns because something was 'wrong' in my world and I couldn't put it right, or being seen as rude/cheeky due to tone of voice and being precocious in my vocabulary.

My parents have never said (in later life) that their behaviour was wrong, in their view it was what everyone was doing at the time, including schools. I do accept this to a certain extent but I think the severity and frequency of what happened to me was wrong and beyond what can be excused by 'the times'. This is why I am strongly in favour of banning smacking - then there can be no excuse, no crossing of a line between a 'token' smack and a beating.

I do feel this has affected me in adult life, for example, finding it difficult to recognise and extricate myself from abusive relationships.

My parents are now elderly and mentally and physically enfeebled; my mum in particular has become very 'childlike', it is hard to believe what they were like back in the 70s and 80s. My sister and I do our best for them. In some respects, they were good parents - I can think of many times they went to great efforts to do nice things for us - so I try to remember that side of my childhood, not the 'dark side'.

I don't have children of my own, but based on my childhood experiences, I don't apologise for having an opinion on smacking; that it should without question be banned.

My mother never laid a hand on me. She would screw up her face and give me the silent treatment for days.
My weak father enabled her.
It hurt like hell and affected my life.
I am so sorry for all of you who also had cruel parents.

I was smacked, but not too often. The threat of it was often enough. It’s not something I particularly focus on, there was a lot of emotional abuse in my childhood which has stayed with me.

I knew where I was with smacking. I got smacked and it was over and done with. The mind games, etc not so clear cut.

I was smacked (not beaten) by my mother. It was very normal in the sixties/seventies. My father was a very gentle man, I don’t remember him ever smacking us. I think we were very accepting about smacking because it was the standard form of discipline. I feel much more damaged by the shouting, I found that very stressful and still do to this day. I think that’s much more abusive to be honest.

I was smacked and It certainly never left a lasting negative effect on me. I really don't give it a lot of thought. If I do, I accept it for what it was, discipline. It certainly was not abuse. There was/is a vast difference between abuse and the occasional disciplinary light smack.

I’m mid sixties and autistic, that means (to me) that I can remember things clearly. I remember being chased along the hall being beaten and smacked all the way, and so much more. My mother has a dx of narcissistic personality disorder. Nobody is allowed to be better than her. I slapped her back when I was sixteen and told her I’d tell her father. It stopped then, although there were other equally abusive punishments.
I left at sixteen and a half.
I tried very hard to keep calm with my children and they will all tell you I am patient, I’ve slipped a couple of times, no excuses. I have apologised.
I haven’t spoken to my mother for years, but it still affects me now.

I was smacked occasionally, mainly by my mother and always out of her frustration and anger. She has a short fuse and can lash out. It was usually over bad behaviour or me being thoughtless and damaging things (I remember mixing up my paints with her wooden spoon - that led to some smacking) but I was sometimes smacked for things like wetting myself, which I don’t think were really my fault. Or at least it wasn’t a helpful response.

My dad is a much gentler character and I can only remember him slapping me once, on the back of the legs, over some misbehaviour in church. I remember him threatening to smack occasionally but I always knew it was a pretty empty threat.

I don’t remember any pain or marks and don’t think I was ever hit particularly hard but I do remember the feelings of fear and shame.

It seemed to stop around the age of 8. I guess I was just better able to regulate my behaviour by then and was overall a very good kid. I was born in the mid 1970s.

I don’t think it did me any serious or long-term harm and it’s not something I think about much. My relationship with my parents is pretty warm although I know my mum feels tremendous guilt and she sometimes brings it up.

Yes, I do.

I was a '70s kid and every kid that I knew got smacked now and then, it was a working / lower middle class environment and normal to be sometimes smacked on the bottom a couple of times - through clothes - if we were especially naughty, probably between ages 6 - 11 ish. It wasn't normal to be hit, or slapped on the face, or dragged, or sworn at - parents doing that would have been considered abusive.

I think it must have been a different experience for some children depending on family environment and how it was done - if you had a stable, loving home and felt loved and it was occasional, it was not the same as being hurt or frightened.

It didn't feel abusive in my case, it was rare, it didn't hurt, more like a kind of theatre to mark the level of naughtiness. It was meant to be shaming - I got my bottom smacked when I bullied a little kid to tears with my best mate e.g.

I went to a 'modern' primary where teachers didn't smack but it wasn't illegal. I was once smacked hard on the legs by a teacher there when I was 11 and was outraged. She was near retirement and I suppose felt smacking was legitimate but interestingly she was very abusive in other ways in the classroom - verbally and psychologically, especially towards kids who didn't do schoolwork well or came from poor homes. I utterly despised her and gave her as hard a time as was in my power after that.

Reading through some of these comments breaks my heart x

I was smacked by both my parents but they weren’t cruel with it, I had been up to no good / naughty. The same for my Brother. Same for all the kids I grew up with. I don’t give it any thought at all. I feel like that’s how it was back then as all the kids where I grew up had the same type of parents as we did.

But it was never for nothing. It was never to humiliate me, it wasn’t abuse. By what so many of you are describing is just that. Child
abuse.

We were loved fiercely and I never felt unsafe.