To ask how those of us who were smacked

Born in the late 60’s. I was smacked by my mother, often slapped across the face. Never hit by my father who was a gentle soul.

Mother was physically and emotionally abusive, she had a temper. I knew from an early age I would never have children for fear of treating them the way she treated me.

And yes I still think about it occasionally, the sheer injustice of it. I was a quiet, well behaved child, my mother behaved like a psychopath.

Same.

We were never smacked as kids 70/80s childhood but my dad would pile me and my friends in the back of his van to go to parks,no seatbelts just 10+ kids in back 😳

I was smacked and it made me mistrust my mother. I still do. I think she was stressed and under a lot of pressure, but hitting a child was not the solution. Yes, it made me do as she said more often. But there's a little part of me that still disdains her. I feared being hit but it never felt just.

What some people aren't seeing is that, while perhaps they personally consider themselves unharmed - particularly if smacking was light, rare, and for an identifiable reason - this still contributed to the societal belief that corporal punishment was OK and left an open door to physical punishment that would be considered a serious assault in modern times.

I was smacked - but it must have been a rare occurrence because I only remember one time and my mum was definitely in the wrong then as it was unfair. However, because of the 'I tell you once. I tell you twice. The third time you will have a smack' rule, I knew the ball was in my court. I could choose to behave badly and have a smack or behave well and not have a smack. And I was never beaten or abused and am amazed that so many people seem to think that a quick smack after warnings is child abuse. I had a great relationship with my mum until the day she died because I knew she loved me. I still miss her.

My father never touched me. My mother beat the shit out of me. (1960s).

I wasn't an easy child and my father was a charmer. And a complete waste of space and mostly absent. She was on her own, had no support and I think she couldn't cope. It's no excuse but it was a different era.

We had a difficult relationship, not because of that but we had very different personalities.

I was smacked by both parents as a child. Wouldn't say I'm traumatised by it but I remember 2 occasions where I was wrongly punished. I don't smack my DD and can't imagine that I ever would. My dad (and recently passed mother)would never put a hand on their grandchildren.

I was smacked for misbehaving not beaten.

Father was the disciplinarian, we were never as close to Dad as we were to our mother, she was the softie.

I don't think I feel any resentment. It did scald ATT, hard male hand, we weren't as close for other reasons.

I can count the amount of times and technically was misbehaving 4 out of the 6 times.

I was smacked very very rarely and only for doing something dangerous. I don't think about it as an adult. I have never smacked DS (now 8).

My earliest memory is holding my arms up to my face to defend myself, as I knew I was about to be smacked. I must have been four or five.

I remember standing next to our dining table when this happened, looking up at my Dad who seemed enormous, and waiting to feel pain.

This experience feels far more prominent in my mind than any other from my childhood.

I wasn’t smacked and don’t hit my own kids but tend to think other people’s assessment of their damage or lack of tends to be pretty reliable? My husband was smacked and I would quanitify his not having been harmed as… mentally healthy, good relationship with parents, good dad. He seems pretty fine and says he’s fine so… why doubt that?

This ^ - what my father did to me in the name of punishment would be called GBH today - I have physical and mental scars. I wasn't a naughty child, in fact I did my very best to stay out of trouble out of fear, but his moods would change and what he wanted previously would also change and if I didn't / couldn't follow or anticipate his new wishes, I would be punished severely.

I'm heading towards retirement age, it still affects me. My mother did nothing to protect me, as an adult I realise it was because it meant she got a break from his violent behaviour while he was punishing me, but I have never forgiven her.

Misguided rather than abusive, and highly ineffective. I remember being 6 and my dad smacked me because I stuck my tongue out at him. I remember thinking what an idiot being so upset at my tongue poking out.

I absolutely don’t smack my kids.

I was smacked and I can remember the exact scenarios it happened in and it felt very illogical at the time, and when I look back the smacking still feels illogical.

I think that paired with the being treated with contempt at times made it feel bigger than perhaps it was? I mean I look at my kids when they frustrate the hell out of me, and I never feel the urge to smack them, I take a deep breath I parent myself first then I deal with them calmly. How I do this I don’t know at the behaviour wasn’t modelled to me. The desire for my children never to feel how I felt as a child is my overall driver, but I don’t know why that wasn’t enough for my parents.

That's great that it had little impact on you, but please don't dismiss other people's experience as making a fuss

Smacked with enough force to leave marks underwear and trousers pulled down around my ankles and face grabbed while shouting an inch from my face was common. This was in the 90s and 00s . I think it was a loss of control and more about my mums emotions than me actually doing anything very bad . Mouth washed out with soap was also a fairly common punishment.
I dont feel that it really has ruined my adult relationship with her . I did leave home as soon as i finished school . Im also a massive people pleaser so maybe im just frightened to be honest about the impact it has had .
I don't smack my kids . She agrees that you shouldn't but believes it was a different time and my children dont deserve what i did... Almost like not being aggressive/ hitting them has been a better way of parenting !

Same. I was smacked with a slipper or a wooden spoon. Or slapped round the face. I couldn't imagine doing that to my kids 😱

I would add that this was always a smack on the arm or bottom not being hit round the head or punched etc.

Wow.

Possibly it did limit your empathy levels?

Yes I see this in myself

I was a pretty compliant child, largely through fear. And took a long time to develop self esteem and resilience

I know my parents loved me, and accept they didn't know any better, but even as an adult, there's a part of me that's just a little bit frightened of them. And that makes me v sad indeed

Not bothered by it at all. Obviously it wasnt fun at the time but I expect I drove my parents mad on occasion.

My mum didn't hesitate to hit us herself, but the phrase 'wait till your father gets home' was in common currency in the 80s and earlier, so this must have happened in some households.

I was smacked. I can honestly say I would never have given it a second thought if it wasn't for people here on MN making a fuss. It's not affected me in any way at all.