To ask how those of us who were smacked

I think what jumps out of this thread is the sheer variety of acts that we're talking about- from taps to full-on beating.

And that's the problem, isn't it? As long as physical punishment is legal (the law says it has to "reasonable", which will mean wildly different things to different people), it's impossible to have a shared understanding of what is and isn't OK. Some pps are trying hard to make a distinction between discipline and abuse but it's honestly sounding pretty fuzzy to me- being hit often is abuse (how often is often?), being hit with an implement is abuse (but what if someone is hit so hard and repeatedly with an open hand that it does more damage?) etc.

People are entitled to their own views about their own childhood but the point for me is this: as long as there's ambiguity about whether it's acceptable to hit children, we're choosing to make it harder to protect the ones who really need it. For that reason alone, I'd ban it tomorrow.

Yes I was smacked and it was abusive. I know my mum is ashamed of it but would never talk about or would try to brush it under the carpet/ pretend it didn’t happen.

i vividly remember being in the toilet as I’d ran in from horse riding, desperate for a pee. My mum flung open the toilet door a whipped me across the legs with my riding crop - the reason; because I’d left my riding crop on the kitchen table. I had purple bruises across my legs for over a week.

Yes I was smacked a reasonable number of times as a kid. Those times make up the large proportion of my early memories. I’ll never understand why it was considered helpful or appropriate or the anger behind it. I’ve never once hit my child and never will. My mother died recently - I talked to her before she died about one day she smacked me and she blamed it on me as she’d said I wouldn’t get ready for school and she’d had to put my screaming brother down to deal with me - I said that I was 5 and maybe I’d just needed my Mum to help me - she was speechless and had nothing to say. I loved my mum but just don’t think people had the emotional intelligence then to realise any of this was wrong, as everyone did it and schools belted kids then too, it was all normalised behaviour.

I’ve also read that physical punishment like that just leads to anxiety stricken adults and I would agree with that.

I still vividly remember a particular occasion being smacked by my mum. She was blazing with anger, and chased me up the stairs, hitting my legs.

I also remember absolutely knowing that this wasn’t justified. This was her loss of control, and whatever minor thing I had done was just the trigger.

I have never hit my children. And yes, it did affect my relationship with her.

I was only ever smacked by other people's parents, when my parents weren't present.
It was very upsetting and traumatic. It just made me scared of people from a very young age. And distrustful of adults.

There is a lot of research now that tells us that physical punishment doesn't actually reduce poor behaviour. But it can reinforce the notion that if someone does something you don't want them to then hitting them is ok. Which is obviously not ok. I look at my children and even at their most annoying or thoughtless or rude (which in fairness is never that bad), I can't imagine ever lifting a hand to them. I didn't realise how angry and sad I was about my own mother's behaviour until I had children of my own.

Why ask a question if you’ve already made up your mind?

I was raised in a fundamentalist religious setting / cult. We were smacked frequently. I was actually well behaved. It was part of the hyper religious culture: all the families kept a special stick above a doorway to use on their kids.
It was truly awful and, yes, it’s definitely affected me.

I was born in 1980 and was smacked a small handful of time apparently, though I only actually remember one occasion and not in a traumatic way.

I don’t feel in any way abused, I have a great relationship with my parent.

The fact you would even contemplate smacking shows it did damage you as a child. Those who were never smacked are probably much more likely to not use it.

I was smacked. Not just with hands but belts and other implements, often very hard. I think my mother wasn't coping and took out her frustration on us. I know she's ashamed of it now and I otherwise had a wonderful childhood.
We have a great relationship now and I love her deeply.
If you had asked me a couple of years ago, I'd have said I hated it but understood and I'd reconciled with it.
But after some therapy on other issues, I think it has had a profound effect on my life and personality. I'm a people pleaser. For years, I felt huge anxiety at the possibility of getting anything wrong, couldn't say no to anyone or speak up for myself. I think now that is a holdover from childhood when even a minor infraction might mean getting hit. I even remember a couple of occasions where I did my best at something and got hit anyway.
It's taken a lot of work and reflection to get into a better place.

I was smacked, and would have said it didn't do me any harm. The verbal aggression and name calling I got from my Dad did far more damage. I thought I would smack my DC. Until one day when DS was small, and I gave him the gentlest tap on the hand. He looked at me, with his little lip wobbling, and said "You shouldn't hit, Mummy" I never considered doing it again.

I was hit by my mother with a rubber bottomed slipper that really hurt and left marks that were still there the next day. It was abusive and done out of anger. It makes me feel sick when thinking about it

It normalises negative physical interaction doesn’t it?

I don't actually have kids, so I've never had to make that call. I don't know if I would have resorted to smacking or not. Considering that DH probably wouldn't like it (he wasn't smacked), we probably wouldn't have. If I had decided to use smacking as a punishment, it would probably have been because it's how I was raised/what I know. Also because I think it didn't damage me. But again, if I had, it would have been a last resort (if other methods weren't proving effective) and a rarity. It wouldn't be a pleasant experience for me, either.

Temper lol not temperature!

I was smacked, fairly often, and in temperature, with objects eg rulers. But I don't feel any bitterness or anger about it because I know my mother loved me to the moon and I know she was parenting a lot better than she had been parented. I don't think it was abuse, at all, I just think life was a lot harder for a lot of people back then.
I do think authoritarian parenting has limited my self confidence - but I know they did the absolute best they could in their circumstances. I do find it very hard work though to undo that temper in me when parenting, but I'm getting better all the time - helped by my mum who, though she will never ever say it (and I would never hurt her by asking) - clearly wishes she had known a better way when we were little.

I was smacked with hands, slippers, hair brushes, wooden spoons and sticks. It was for anything I had done to annoy them that day. I can honestly say I was not a naughty child. I talked to much but that was it.

I tapped my children’s hand - not hard to leave a mark or even that they cried when they went to touch the hob. I’m ashamed of that now.

It absolutely affects me now and is something I have spoken to a counsellor about. I could understand more if it was a slap there and then but they would go downstairs to get a cane from the garden to walk back up the stairs to hit me with. That I don’t get. That was not done in a quick fit of rage that was thought about. and that is what I can’t forgive. They consciously made a decision to cane their child.

This is me. I only got smacked a few times and it was generally when I'd been naughty and I knew full well i had been 🤣🤣

It doesn't bother me in the slightest as an adult, I don't feel I was abused and have a lovely relationship with my parents who were great parents.

Me and my siblings grew up with good healthy discipline and have become happy, successful independent adults with happy families of our own.

Times and attitudes were different then.

I'm sorry you went through that, I went through the same with my dad, zero contact. My heart goes out to you x

I was smacked, as a child of the 60/70s so it wasn’t unusual. My parents were loving but the smacking achieved nothing good. I wasn’t even a naughty child, the smacks were for behaving like a child (for some reason parents thought you should act like an adult even if you were only eight). It turned me into a terrible people pleaser and afraid to have a different opinion to others. It took me decades to move away from that. My children weren't smacked and they were always allowed a voice, and the difference in their demeanour and self esteem as kids to mine at the same age was massive.

I'm sorry you felt humiliated, this wasn't my experience though and my DM does remember each of the three times as we've discussed it a few times over the years

I was smacked occasionally and I can’t say I have very given it a moments thought.

I was smacked a few times as a child. My parents were very against smacking by the time I had my own dc, I think most parents did it. My school was still giving the cane whilst I was there which was around 1988 which I think is much worse.

I was also smacked 3 times as a child/ tween and I remember each one and the absolute humiliation very clearly. I doubt my parents remember the times I was smacked. As a result of that my teenagers have never felt that from me or their dad and are both well behaved, respectful young people. I don’t think there’s ever a time that putting hands on a child for punishment is acceptable, there is always an alternative.