To ask how those of us who were smacked

I wasn't smacked a lot, but I was smacked for things in anger and I did live in fear of my dad. So yeah, it was shit and everyone that says 'well I'm fine!!!' is small minded (imo).

I was born in 1966, my sister in 1970. Our mother smacked us with with hairbrushes, acrylic/ hard

Smacked twice by my mum. When I say smacked it was a light slap/tap. It didn’t hurt but was the shock value. I’ve never really given that a second thought,

My dad - he would wallop, not smack. It would leave a hand print (red) and a bruise would form in shape of his hand,

On one of the occasions my mum slapped me he then battered her because she’d dared to do that to me (to be fair I know exactly why she did that to me and I agree I needed a harsh punishment, but it was in the seventies, I was about four, and I’d just crayoned all over a newly painted wall at a time she had little money and had struggled to afford paint).

My dad was an abusive POS and they stayed together (for my sake) for far too many years.

I swore I’d never raise a hand to my kids and I didn’t, save for once when I tapped my DD hand when she was about five and tried to stick her hand into a gas fire. I hated myself for that. Never raised my hand since.

Fair point I think. Same way you can't know it did any harm? Would you say it's it's really all guessing, either way?

Exactly there is a whole body of evidence that physical punishment aka abuse of children can have very serious long term consequences - physical as well as emotional. I'd suggest anyone interested has a look at the work around Adverse Childhood Experiences. It's an eye opener.

My mum smacked me once when I was about 4 years old. (In the 90’s).

I suddenly ran straight across a main road without looking and was almost ran over. So my mum ran after me and smacked me. She immediately burst into tears afterwards. She said it was a mixture of fear I would get ran over and killed and guilt from smacking me.

It was one of my earliest memories and even though I was only 4, I remember it so clearly. I never did it again. And she never smacked me again.

I do feel a sense of sadness reading the experiences of people who were regularly smacked by both parents and they “don’t think about it now” or that it “doesn’t affect” them.

I very much doubt I would flinch any time someone put their arm up, for starters...

Just because you can't tell how it shapes your brain (which it does) doesn't mean it hasn't changed the way you behave. Plenty of studies show it damages children mentally as well as physically.

I was more than smacked e.g. hit, objects thrown, clothes shredded etc. I’m a fearful, anxious person with very low self-esteem. I have a child now and sometimes she does something that makes rage bubble up inside me so I can see where my father’s anger came from but I don’t then lose control the way he did. I have a close and loving relationship with my daughter and I never want her to be the sad, frightened and angry child that I was.

80s child. Smacked occasionally. As far as I remember I understood what I'd done wrong as my parents were pretty consistent about what was and wasn't allowed. I saw it as a sign I'd been naughty. It doesn't particularly bother me. I just see it as outdated parenting, a bit like not having seatbelts for all children in the car when giving lifts. So things that I'd judge much more harshly now because societal standards have changed.

My dc ran in front of a lorry once. I told her off, explained the danger, she never did it again. There is no need to hit anybody.

No more stupid than the 'it ruined my life' responses, how do they know how their life would have been had they not been smacked?

I was smacked a few times but I think I was always more afraid of disappointing my parents than of being smacked. Haven’t given it a thought since and has not impacted me.

I was terrified of my mum when I was a kid, I used to be scared to get out of bed if I could hear her in a bad mood downstairs.

She used to scream and shout as she slapped you and when it hurt her to hit you she just used another tool. I've been hit with wooden spoons, other cooking utensils, walking sticks, hair brush anything that hurt always whilst been screamed at and often for some perceived slight that I didn't understand. I've been left with bruises and it didn't stop until I threatened to leave home when I was 14 if she layed another finger on me. My earliest memory of being hit I would have been about 3. Very confusingly, she would later give you a cuddle and tell you that she only hit you because she loved you. I left home as soon I was able to at 19, because whilst I was never hit after the age of 14 I was subjected to verbal abuse and threatening behaviour until I left home.

Yes it was abuse. As an adult I realised that I got hit because of her frustrations in her life. She had absolutely no control and took it out on her kids. I still find it very hard to forgive and I have definitely never forgotten.

I am ultra independent. I learned at a very early age that I could not trust my mum, I could not rely on her for anything and whilst my dad didn't hit me, he deliberately threw me under the bus so he could have a quiet life, definitely a distant and absent person.

The birth of my son brought a lot of the old feelings back. I did not understand how you could carry this baby for 9 months, go through birth and then think that hitting and screaming at them made any sense. My son got one smack on the back of his hand when he was 4 or 5 for being an absolute little shit, but I was not out of control, he had received several warnings and given the chance to stop whatever he was doing and still continued. I cried afterwards, it never happened again. We talked everything through and I did not resort to violence to get my way. If I ever had a parenting dilemma I used to ask myself what my mum would have done and then did the exact opposite.

I have a very superficial relationship with my parents, The hitting and verbal abuse made it very hard for me to trust people and everyone in my life is held at arms length because of this. If anyone raises their voice around me I become extremely anxious. So yes it has affected me as an adult. I try to forgive, but it's not easy.

Pretty much this. It wasn't a regular occurrence but it was an occurrence. I've no strong feelings about it really.

But honestly, the emotional abuse cut much deeper

I remember just feeling so afraid of my parents sometimes because I never knew when one of them might lash out. Worst time was when I was a teenager and my dad smacked me across the face but also hit my ear, which started to bleed. I think all I had done was backchat... That was always my worst crime!

One of my mantras I have as a parent is to never take my frustration out on my kids.

I think you’ve got to differentiate between those who were smacked very occasionally and for those who it was an everyday thing. It also matters a lot if children and loved and respected too. It happened only less than a handful of times for me when I’d been a complete little shit and it was deserved (I remember smacking and kicking my mum on the house steps as I didn’t want to go out to collect my brother and put my coat and shoes on) or when my parents were overworked, coming home and dealing with shit behaviour and clearly stressed to the max. I don’t blame that or them at all. That’s a very different scenario to kids who get constantly clipped around the ear for next to nothing or hit badly with belts or equivalent.

I’ve smacked my own children for once deliberately running off into a road and running into the path of a passing car (had to be grabbed so they didn’t get run over and I’m afraid they got a smack on the pavement) or when they have repeatedly tried hitting me despite being told to knock it off. Both situations have never ever happened again. If they want to call me a monster later in life then so be it, but for the time being they are both very happy and respectful children and we have a great relationship. I’m afraid there are some incredibly spoilt/ feral/ entitled and overindulged kids about nowadays and many of them could have done with a smack or being told bluntly to shut up at one point or another.

Yes it was abusive and done when they had run out of constructive ways to parent or, more often, were drunk.

Just a side but I was smacked by someone who was being smacked about by their partner. So it wasn't something bred out of love, but following on from behaviours in a very dysfunctional family dynamic.

That's not smacking OP, that is abusive and terrifying. Terrible for you.

Yes my underwear was always pulled down for a “smack” too, right up until the age of 15 when I left home. So humiliating.

I was smacked, it did me no harm and I never think about it, I was probably being naughty and so got a smack on the legs, It happened, it taught me to behave myself and I have not been harmed mentally because of it.

I was hit by both parents but mostly my dad. He used a belt sometimes. Hit us around the head too. It was abuse then just as it would be now and it forever damaged my relationship with both of them. Maybe my biggest sadness is that my mum stood by and allowed it and never said a word. I don’t think I love her. I do the things I have to do for her out of duty. I feel sorry she’s old and lonely. But our relationship was forever broken when she hit me and when she allowed my dad to hit me.

I was smacked as a child and slapped with wooden spoon (basically one time my mother injured herself slapping my brother so switched to a wooden spoon) and a belt by my dad on a particularly memorable (painful) occasion. My parents hit both in anger and in a planned, that's five slaps for you when we get home type way.

I was hit for everything deemed an infringement, not tidying up, talking back, wetting my bed, breaking toys, talking over the tele, fighting / arguing with my brother, muddy shoes etc etc.

There was no scale, no real sense of how bad anything was. There were never rewards. Basically it was a countdown to being able to leave "home".

It doesn't really achieve anything, basically do it wrong, get hurt. No framework, no clues as to the better choice. Just whack and they'd move on. It didn't teach me to reflect on my behaviour. Just decide if something was worth getting caught.

Its a form of punishment used by adults with little ability to rationalise nor able to have clear boundaries. Genuinely disgusted by anyone that has to resort to violence as a "lesson", you'd have to have very weak emotional intelligence and zero skills in motivating or leading others.

I was smacked by my mum, usually just a “tap” on the hand or bum, etc. Even now she refers to it as giving someone “a clip.”

My dad was violent and abusive.

As an adult I differentiate between the two, and don’t hold any resentment to my mum at all. I don’t feel like she abused her kids, she used the behaviour management “skills” she’d learned from her parents.

I think at the time, it was how people raised their kids. My grandma had 10 kids and was a fan of a leather belt, I believe, so in some ways in the 80s/90s when we were growing up - I think it was normalised.

Neither me or my sister have ever smacked, clipped, tapped our kids. We’ve never used physical discipline at all. It’s just not the done thing now, we’ve all moved on, and I’d judge someone if they did.

I don't feel anything. It's a complete non issue for me.
I used to get strapped at school. I don't feel any resentment or anger over it. I'd forgotten about it by the end of the day.I
Neither being smacked at school or home affected my self esteem or confidence in any way.
It never affected my relationship with my parents.