To ask how those of us who were smacked

Same. I think I got 2 smacks during my childhood on the back of my legs/bottom. It didn't affect me and I never give it a thought. It was what happened to naughty DC in the days of my childhood.

My parents did smack but I don't recall it being excessive, not that I agree with it as a form of discipline. In fact the only incident I can actually recall is being slapped on the thigh when we were on holiday. We were in a caravan and my mother was trying to cook. I think I remember it as I felt it was unfair. I was colouring or something and probably talking loudly, and she was irritated and stressed by whatever she was doing, and I'm left with the feeling that she was taking that out on me. I remembered her moods more than the smacking.

I guess there is some resentment but overall she was usually a good parent, just a bit highly strung. And smacking was common place then.

I was smacked. Had a belt a few times, mouth washed out with soap, hit in the mouth once. Born mid 70s. Not an excuse but my dad was badly beaten as a lad to the point he was put into convalescence.

I would never do this to my precious DC
No matter what.

I was smacked in the 80s/90s. I do think it affected me. Im still a bit afraid of my parents

I was smacked as a kid, more than my siblings, because I was a little shit who used to test boundaries constantly. I remember my mum chasing me with her slipper, and it flying past my head as I legged it 😂 Do I judge her - no. My dad was often away and she was managing 3 children alone the best way she knew how, and I was never bruised or actually injured: it was only ever a short, sharp shock-type smack. I know I made her life hard when I was young. I hope that by nursing her during her illness, and being with her when she died, I gave back some of the love she gave me. And I always knew I was loved. She was a wonderful woman.

What caused me permanent physical and psychological damage was being attacked by strangers as an adult. As in, I feared (and fought) for my life. To compare the ‘violence’ in the different scenarios is totally ludicrous, it’s incomparable.

I was smacked a lot, by both parents but mostly by my mother who had a very nasty temper, she never apologised to me for doing it but always said sorry and made up to my siblings if she hurt them. She had a nasty spiteful streak, would break my toys out of spite and thrash the living daylights of me when in one of her bad moods and one time she threw my brothers action man on the fire, he was devastated. It still affects me when I think about it, but she wouldn't address it ever when we were older she would just roll her eyes and say "yes I was a terrible mother, but you're still here aren't you! ". I went no contact 30 years ago

Your post brought tears to my eyes (and I am not usually a weepy person) because I remember feeling exactly like this, just wanting some comfort.

Smacked a lot, yes. No that doesn’t really bother me. It’s just how it was. The being shouted at though. That has damaged me. I react quite strongly to being shouted at now. I was labelled naughty but actually I was just struggling with my parents’ toxic marriage, my father’s autism, my mother’s alcoholism, my own ADHD. Of course none of that was recognised back then. I was just told I was naughty and shouted at and hit a lot. I don’t think the hitting has done the damage. It’s all the rest of it which has probably had the biggest impact.

I also knew I was loved. I get that it was a different time etc. I just don't understand how they could justify it, especially for the things I was being punished for. I was a really normal kid, who sometimes made mistakes or got angry. Only I didn't hit them when I got angry, but they could hit me?!

I was smacked twice as a kid. I vividly remember the second time because it felt very unfair at the time, and looking back on it, both my mum and I agree that she resorted to smacking me because she was extremely stressed at that time and that I wasn't being purposefully 'naughty'

I don't blame her and I'm not angry with her as an adult. I can completely empathise with how frustrated she felt at that moment. But I was raised in a home where I felt loved and safe and my parents weren't often angry. If my home life was more like the OP describes, I think I'd feel differently. Physical punishment where you're scared of a parent must feel very different.

I haven't ever smacked my kids, and I wouldn't. But I have
shouted in frustration and anger and that makes me ashamed. I'm not sure if that's very much different than being smacked.

Your mother and mine sound identical. I too got the shouting and screaming for ages. And now, the gaslighting and denial. She says that we make things up and lie to make her look bad and to be honest I dont think that she does remember most of it. I suspect that its not to hide from it but it really wasnt important enough to her to remember! Which is a double insult when you think about it.

1974 baby here. I was smacked as a child, not a lot but when I deserved it. It didn‘t impact me beyond a few minutes and did not impact on my relationship with my parents.

I guess the flip side to being smacked when I was naughty is that I was always loved and my parents showed that every day. I never doubted that I was loved. I just knew the days I had been naughty.

I was smacked occasionally. I wasn't a particularly difficult kid either, my sister was a bit of a handful and she got smacked more often. It didn't help either of us in any way, I think it was just our parents venting their frustration in the moment. I felt anger when they did it, and it felt unfair although I couldn't figure out why til I was an adult myself. I don't smack my own kids, it wouldn't help them at all. I get on ok with my parents now but smacking us was wrong, no excuses.

It affected me badly. Not a smack on the bum for an obvious misdemeanor but the fact that as smacking was socially acceptable my mother would use it as an excuse for a proper slap fest. She would hit over and over and over in a total rage.

She had hormone problems, she was VILE, but that didnt excuse her beating a small child. Stopped when I screamed in her face and belted her one back across the face when I was about 15. Then it became verbal and emotional, I was a slut, a lazy bitch....you name it. The slapping was better.

I was smacked. I remember feeling hatred towards my mother and it had the opposite effect - it made me see her as wholly irrational and erratic and meant I had 0 respect for her or her opinions.

In fact it made me actively antagonistic towards her and I would try and gain some sense of control via small acts of rebellion and underhanded naughtiness to make her life a little more miserable without her being able to pin the blame on me.

I feel weird about my relationship with her now. She always tries to justify herself or deny things happened so I see no point ij rehashing the past. We've forged a better relationship but I can't forget how she treated me as a child and she has slipped up at times over the years since I've become an adult and the same rage and anger seep out of her. She smacked me in the face in public once for daring to speak to a family member whose mother she had fallen out with.

I think the smackers fall into a range of categories, from those who didn't like doing it but knew no better and genuinely thought this was how you parent a child to those who actively enjoyed harming their children. This affects how you feel about having been smacked. (As a side note, she also was a yeller and would spend up to an hour shouting at us for any perceived slight so this also affects how I view her)

Was smacked and physically abused as a child. Dragged across the room by my hair, hit in the face with a hairbrush until it broke, had nails dug into my hand so strongly it left marks and bled, etc. Recently I was travelling with my mother, and she hit me across the face on the plane after an argument. Some people just shouldn’t have kids.

It’s had dire consequences. Lack of self confidence, severe anxiety, depression etc. I get scared at loud noises for example. I used to idolise friends parents and always wondered what it would be like to not fear your own. Even now, I’m closer to others parents and feel they have more genuine care for me. However it’s given me the motivation to become a more caring and nurturing parent, and go over and beyond for the children I interact at work (education setting).

I have never laid a hand on my children, and work in an education setting where the thought doesn’t even cross my mind. I know the impacts of hitting/smacking and wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

I think that’s a very normal reaction borne out of fear, shock, and heightened emotions of what could have happened in that situation. Honestly, let that one go. I’ve done the same in a similar situation from a fear driven response.

Your mum sounded very ahead of her time, you were very lucky!

Yes that makes sense. I guess for some people, the smacking they received didn't make them fear their parents as they knew they were being corrected? It's probably different for people who felt they were abused by their parents and not loved perhaps? Either way, I suspect in 30 years time, all our kids will contribute to a thread about how "abusive" we were by talking to them when they were wrong 😥

I was smacked. Mostly for stupid stuff and “to set an example” to my younger sibling who wasn’t smacked. I’d be hit for asking “why”, I’d be hit for using too much shampoo, I’d be hit for not being able to sleep.

It was only by one parent and it was, categorically, abuse. It was targeted and excessive. I was a teenager in the 2000s and parent decided appropriate legal punishment was to whack me across the face. I was petrified of said parent, I never knew which flavour of them I was going to encounter.

I got into trouble at school for wearing make up to cover the marks. A teacher made me scrub it off and they realised what it was covering.

Violence is not discipline. It’s violence. The ban can’t come soon enough because “legal punishment” is too rough a definition.

No adverse effect means that it didn't impact me negatively in any way, as it may have for some people. It did me absolutely no harm. I don't understand your reply. Did you misread my post? I do think I probably deserved a smack on the bum on occasion as a kid. It wasn't a regular thing a different time and usually if I'd done something dangerous. As I said id never smack my own kids.

It is illogical and unfair to judge the people of the past by today's morals, we have developed and learnt that the things that happened in the 60s/70s/80s are not necessarily right in today’s society.
Of course smacking was wrong and in today’s world it is certainly abuse . But I don’t believe that my DM was an abuser , she and most other parents of the time thought they were disciplining their kids correctly .

I was very occasionally smacked. It wasnt very often and I really don’t even think about it now. Defo didn’t affect me at all. I do think if it’s the default discipline method though it might have more of an effect. I don’t smack my kids, wouldn’t even think to, but I don’t think being smacked occasionally did me any lasting damage.

Oh apparently that's quite common, in fact it was an official thing for upper class kids to have a "whipping boy" to take all their punishments.
Therapy is available to try to heal from this kind of thing. It's abusive of the golden child as well by the parents.

I was born in the 1970s and I was smacked by my mum - just using her hand not an implement. I think it was wrong but it's not something I'm bothered by now, and I'm very close to my mum as a adult.