To ask how those of us who were smacked

Sorry - I haven't read all of the comments, unfortunately so many, but understand that so may have suffered real abuse, and I am so sorry for those that have - It surely depends so much on what a 'smack' is defined as - a little 'slap' on the leg is a whole different thing to a beating......I only ever once 'smacked' my little boy (aged about 6 then, now 36 - ) when he went off into the woods, near a stream, to play with another older child without me knowing, (I thought he was playing in our next doors garden) & I was on the point of calling the police when I didn't know where he was, I was so scared - it was a 'tap' on his leg when he came home, and 'grounded' for a week - he doesn't even remember it now, but he never, ever did it again - it was NOT abuse, it was a lesson to him never, ever to do that again - and, no, he never did it again.....and as an adult now, he agrees that it was the right thing to do.

And you think being paraded online for likes without your permission doesn't?

With respect, it's not one or the other.

Like would she smack you for serious misbehaving?

My mother used to snack me. She even chased after me with a shoe and beat me with it once. It was a loss of control. It shouldn’t have happened, but it didn’t damage me. We both love each other and have a good relationship.

I 100% agree with you. I remember feeling angry, ashamed, embarrassed and resentful. I was hit with rubber slippers that left patterns from the soles on my legs for days. My mum didn’t care who she whacked me infront of either. Family, friends, boyfriends and strangers were all witnesses. She denies remembering any of the worst incidents.
I did a level 3 essay in college about the effects of smacking children. It’s illegal in so many countries. The UK Gvt allow moderate discipline only apparently.
I’ve recently read that it’s a form of frustration release for the parent.
Apparently kids of today should be disciplined with all the horrible things that go on today. My boys are 20 and 16 and they’ve never been cheeky or abusive to another adult or child. They are respectful and well mannered and I’ve never ever lifted a hand to them in their entire lives. Their dad was never allowed to hit them either.

With respect, it's not the same at all. Being physically abused leaves lifelong damage.

I was born in 1958 and my mother smacked me a lot - and sometimes just in her anger and frustration about situations I was not responsible for (e.g. her inability to find something).

I felt upset, hurt (physically it could hurt quite a bit) and humiliated. To be honest, I never forgave my mother for how badly she treated me as a child/teenager and couldn't leave home fast enough when I went to university.

I think the topic is nuanced - because for every person who was smacked and felt abused or vulnerable, there is someone who felt ok about it.

I was smacked infrequently, usually on the leg when I wasn’t listening or was being intentionally annoying. I used to find it funny most of the time. The times it upset me I didn’t used to get upset about the smack, more the situation. It doesn’t come up in our relationship at all, and whilst I get annoyed with my parents now, it’s not about the smacking.

But it wasn’t frequent and always felt justified. I’m sure I’d feel differently if it felt cruel or was to hurt me (my mum used to do it out of desperation when nothing else worked and it wasn’t hard, was more to shock me I think).

I have another friend who was smacked and he didn’t see anything wrong with it, he feels it was a good way for his mum to set boundaries.

My husband was threatened with a slipper belt by his dad. He laughs about it now. Again, he got smacked infrequently and it doesn’t raise any negative feelings for him.

I think the family situation, how loved the children felt, how caring and rational the parents were etc plays into the response and reaction of the child. Children need to feel loved.

I was smacked, but not regularly and I always deserved it. As another poster said though, I knew I was loved so maybe that makes a difference?

I actually find that quite disturbing. Laughing can be a pain reaction, not because they find it funny.

Both my parents were physically violent with me but not my sister. I remember being slapped across the face by my mother and chased upstairs or around the kitchen table by my father as he tried to hit/beat me. I remember on time he hit me so hard across the thighs his hand print stayed. These two people absolutely sicken me and the amount of damage they have caused me is incredible. I would never, and never have, lay a finger on my children. In my case it’s a narcissistic mother and enabler (but equally sick) father and I count my lucky stars every day that I woke up and recognised that what I experienced is abuse. I’m no contact with my entire family over a year and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done. I’ll be honest, the people that said it did them no harm, it did because now you’re incapable of seeing how cruel and very wrong it is to put your hands on someone more vulnerable than you. It also teaches children that love and violence are connected so it’s very understandable that children then enter into toxic and violent relationships when adults. Adults who hit kids, for whatever reason, are weak cowards, in my opinion.

No. 🤣

However, that will backfire tremendously.

My father is a horrible abusive man who beat my mother black and blue and often hit us (just smacking not the beatings he gave her). I remember only being furious about being smacked not thinking about what I'd done wrong. I also remember once being smacked when he thought I'd hurt my sister but she actually fell.

However my Mum also smacked us in anger when we were naughty and although I hated it at the time I know we were often very naughty and I don't really blame her!

I’m so torn over what to do
sadly he acts like a perfect grandfather to my brothers children and also my step sisters kids, plus they’ve all had the I’m evil and deranged story all these years!!

I wonder of this Will be the equivalent of future kids complaining about their photos being posted on social media without their approval.

I am remembering my friend's son who would punch her in his autistic rage when younger. This didn't stop until he was around 17 years old. Sometimes she was black and blue and definitely traumatised. I don't believe she ever hit him and I don't think it would have helped but I do think it's a good example of a parent needing to defend themselves against their child.

My son has just turned 13 years old and is already taller than me and has a longer reach. I am grateful that his autistic rage has always been limited to shouting and pacing (although that can be pretty wearing) as I don't know how I could defend myself if he became physically violent.

We have never used smacking as part of our discipline with our DS but then he talked early, his autism causes him to be quite rule-abiding and we have generally been able to reason with him. Smacking? Just no real need, fortunately. With a different child, it might have been a different story. Who knows?

I sympathise, hugely, with people who have described lasting damage caused to them by parents who abused them regularly in anger. I feel there is no excuse for this type of abuse.

However, I can also relate to people who experienced smacking as a rare disciplinary measure that they feel caused them no harm.

I also think that many of today's children (my DS, for sure) would envy them their opportunity to learn effectively in well managed classrooms but how to have good discipline without the possibility of abuse?

Yes, the alternatives could be more damaging!

i feel the issue is not whether a child is smacked per se but whether the punishment is part of a loving and supportive parenting approach.

If parents are not loving, then many punishments are worse than smacking imo eg emotional blackmail etc.

My mum didn’t just allow it, she used to try and goad my dad into doing it. He’d get home and she’d be in bed all teary eyed, migraine she feels sick etc because how horrible I had been.

He only did it a couple of times (he was more the talk it out type , probably because he was beaten as a child himself) and the last time he left a mark with his ring and felt so guilty he never did it again. He did still shout or tell me off but never raised his hand again. Funnily enough mum’s dramatic episodes had massively decreased after that.

He should be in prison. His behaviour was physically abusive with an element of sexual abuse as well. I hope he dies alone.

My Mum (and my Dad) couldn't get their heads around why I thought it was such a big deal that I was smacked as a child. Thankfully it had no lasting effects as I got older. They did the same to my brother and for the same reasons. I think as a parent, I could understand more why they might have reacted, for example a child whining all the way home would cause a parent to snap and I would be the same (the amount of times I have got cross with my youngest for crying when I've told her no or when she hasn't been listening).

I think I was smacked , difficult to remember. My mum was a teacher in the 60s/70s/80s and certainly wasn't against it.

At our school the head teacher and deputy head used to cane and slipper kids.

I remember one kid coming back to class with huge welts on his hands , tears silently running down his face. That headteacher must have had a cruel and abusive streak..probably went home to his family thinking he done a good job.

I think back now that he was lucky the child's parent didn't take revenge on him..can you imagine now your child coming home from school having been physically assaulted by an adult in charge of them? You would be phoning the police.

Maybe your 7-year old self fixated on the smacking because it was a big deal for you as a child (even if it’s not now)?

Did your mum try to understand your feelings around it or just tell you she was “hurt”?

Well done to you (and all the other people on this thread) who managed to break the cycle for their own children

I was smacked if I pushed my parents to the limit but never for minor infractions. One time it was for persistent whining when out, and another time my parents had got a new bed and me and my brother snuck behind the old one when we were told not to, my Dad smacked us both as it was dangerous. When I was about 7 I used to fixate on being smacked and exaggerated it, wrote about it in a story at school etc but looking back it didn't happen very often and my Mum was hurt that I seemed to make such a big thing of it.

I've never smacked my own children, though I have physically intervened when they have done something dangerous such as running into the road.

I’m also of this age too and it has never bothered me as an adult . My mum was the one who dished out the smacks , but when I was a teenager I remember her getting ready to smack me after an argument and I just got her hands and held them down and told her not to hit me ever again, which strangely enough she didn’t. Felt quite empowering.

My mum smacked me throughout my childhood. She now denies it, or rather says it didn't count, but she does admit to smacking my brother, including as a baby and toddler. I often wondered whether having been smacked myself would mean that, when I got cross with my own children, I'd feel the urge to smack them. I am pleased to say that the answer to that is a clear no.