Baby showers

Really that's the only two categories that people could fall in to on this....ok
I had quite a few people wanting to organise ones for me, however having been to a few I no how boring and annoying they are and , as a previous poster said, tacky and grabby.

My friends organised mine with my sister. We just had a lovely catch up together at a friend's house and everyone brought something to make up an afternoon tea style buffet and I made it clear no presents as i didn't want anyone feeling obligated since i was also recently married. We just did some of the silly games and then ate and caught up which was lovely to do because it's harder to all get together when baby arrives for the first while. The only thing I needed to do was tell my sister who I wanted there and that I didn't want a lot of fuss or people going to expense.

It was the same type of shower all my friends have had with their pregnancies.

OP a lot of people on MN detest baby showers so don’t take some of your responses personally! Tbh I never did one for myself as it’s really not my thing but I’ve been to loads of friends’ baby showers and they’ve been lovely, all very different.

With the weather warming up you could do something nice outside, create a playlist of “Baby” themed songs, pink or blue cupcakes, decorations, 0% alcohol Prosecco and some nice finger food from M&S. The mother’s mom, sister or best friend usually organises it and takes care of invitations and guests can contribute a tenner or so to cover the cost. If you have a look online there will be loads of inspiration for fun little games to play, I went to one where we did “Pin the dummy on the baby” and each had to try a selection of baby food and guess the flavour! I think they’re quite a nice way to get all the friends together and have some fun before the baby takes over life! They don’t have to be “grabby”, one of my friends asked for a donation to the NSPCC instead of having a gift, and another specified on the invitation that “your presence is the present” so it’s totally up to you. I know when I’ve been I’ve always enjoyed buying a little present so people may really want to, but you definitely don’t need to do all that baby registry gift shit (I do think that’s pretty grabby!)

I also know what you mean about missing out, it’s not the gifts it’s the experience and an extra lovely memory of your pregnancy isn’t it! Again it wasn’t for me personally but I get why my friends have wanted one and I’ve always been happy to go and have some fun, much cheaper, more intimate and fun than a bottomless brunch or lunch out! I hope you have a lovely time and congratulations on your baby!

Celebrated what exactly, you have had sex and are pregnant?

I had a baby shower with my first but it included both me and DH. We did a 'Baby Braai'. Basically a BBQ for everyone to come together to see us before the baby arrived.
It wasn't about presents. Most of our friends didn't bring gifts but did send us something after the baby arrived. It was about coming together with our friends to celebrate a big milestone. We covered the costs of everything and had it at home. It was more just a big party.

Yeah, just don’t.

Great idea, just don't call it a babyshower because that implies that people should bring gifts.

Just don’t make your guests play those dire baby shower games that involve identifying photographs of one another as babies or identifying chocolate bars melted into disposable nappies.

I tend to think they are grabby and quite ridiculous. If you want to see a your friends invite them for some tea and cake. No need to do a show and a dance about it and expecting people to give you gifts which they will do anyway when baby us born.

3 children and no babyshowers. Didn't miss out on anything I guess.

I attend babyshowers if they are 'bring a £10 gift".
I dont lavish out for a babyshower. Sorry.

I didn't have a baby shower for the baby I'm pregnant with. It's just not my vibe personally, but I've enjoyed other people's baby showers I've been to. A lot of people have organised their own baby showers from what I've seen, unlike in America where that never happens. I've paid for my own afternoon tea if out at a restaurant, but not been asked to contribute to events at village halls, or people's houses. I don't think it's cheeky to ask people to turn out for you. Most people will be excited about the baby anyway and if they really hate baby showers, they can decline the invitation.

I also don't think the fact that late pregnancy loss sadly happens, means that people shouldn't be able to celebrate and have a party for their pregnancy if that's what they want. A friend of mine had a late term stillbirth and she is glad that she had a baby shower, and has happy memories of enjoying and celebrating her first baby with family and friends that she never got to do after the baby arrived.

Luncheon sounds the opposite of casual.

They're almost universally hated by anyone invited to them. Don't fall for it.

I have three children and didn't have a baby shower for any of them. The one's I have been to have been work colleagues where there are many colleagues wanting to give them a send off/leaving do......whatever.

They have usually been in restaurants and you choose to go or not - I don't actually know if it was the Mum, or other work colleagues who arranged them - I went anyway because it was another opportunity to have fun with my work colleagues, I suppose.

I think if you want one, just have one. If you're not that bothered, then don't. I don't think it makes any difference to gifts - work colleagues often club together - and that's what happened with the ones I went to - there wasn't an additional gift after the baby was born.

Alternatively, if you're superstitious and want to wait until the baby has safely arrived, then have a party/christening/naming ceremony then

I'm American. Usually the shower gift is the baby gift. When the baby is born, flowers, a bottle of wine or just a card is perfectly fine.

Traditionally, the etiquette was that the mom-to-be's friends, sisters or sils gave the shower, not the m-t-b's mother or mother-in-law, but these days that rule has been thrown out of the window.

They are chavvy and grabby and only exist as people in America do it. Don't put people through it. Also, I have personally known a few people whose babies died shortly before or during birth. Much more sensible to wait until after the safe arrival and people give a card and gift, just as has always been done before this American crap kicked in.

I think you get a mix of people who are jealous that none wanted to organize one for them probably because there a Scrooge and people who loved them.

I didn't like attending most of them when single as no booze and the games like guess how big the bump is are mind numbingly boring. Please don't put your guests through that!

If you host it you must feed people and things like advice for parents to be or for the babysat future are nice.

Hopefully a friend or family will host for you though

@Moonnstars A wishlist for a baby shower!!! I didn't even think they were a thing for wedding now 😬

OP- If you really want a get together pre-baby, then organise one yourself and/or ask family to help. A casual luncheon at home, sandwiches a cake etc. OR, have something after baby has arrived.

Personally, I can’t see the appeal of a baby shower. It’s all just a bit “look at me” for me! I am aware that many of my friends have experienced loss and fertility issues, so it would have felt quite insensitive to have a party to celebrate my pregnancies.

Would it be possible to have a small get together after baby is born? Feels less superstitious, plus it’s harder to begrudge anyone celebrating a baby.

I was pregnant at the same time as a work friend so our other friends from work organised a get together (I guess it would be a baby shower but it was more just a meal out with workmates which is something we would normally do). We both got given a collection as neither of us did a wish list as I think baby showers were still relatively new at this point.
With my second everyone had moved on and no one organised anything and neither did I.

I have been to two others. One being a meal with friends of the mum to be. Everyone paid for their own meal including the mum to be but we all chipped in for decorations and activities to play.
Another was an afternoon tea, again everyone paid for the afternoon tea and covered the cost of the mum to be plus money for decorations and games. This mum had a wishlist so some of us put money together to buy a bigger item of her list, and then when the baby was born only gave a token gesture.

I really think you can do whatever you want.

Small gathering with friends where gifts aren’t expected = fine.

Big gathering where the very obvious purpose is to show off all of the expensive stuff it was made clear was expected + cringey games = no.

I’ve been to many of the latter and very few of the former. Probably why I just see them as super-grabby, sorry.

I had meet the baby/eat cake gatherings a few weeks after both of mine. Babies safely arrived, I was recovering by then, people got a cuddle, over in 90 mins type of thing.

You won’t miss out on things if you don’t have a shower. But it sounds like you really want one. Don’t bother saying no gifts, people will bring gifts, you may as well get things you’ll use.

They can be lovely and you can do whatever you want for it. Ignore the haters.

If it’s an afternoon tea sort of thing at a venue it’s normal to ask people to pay for themselves (no-one’s forcing anyone to come). Just say this is the amount if you want to join us.

If you want to do it in your house, put some food on, a few decorations and ask a family member to do a few games, and say you don’t expect gifts. Job done.

I’ve been to a couple not through choice and they were so cringeworthy.

I am pregnant due quite soon and wouldn’t dream of having one. I do find them so Americanised and grabby. Plus I’m not the first person to get pregnant and give birth. I’d rather people donated to a charity.