Baby showers

I didn't have one, neither did any of my friends. I'm not sure if they're that common, maybe more just an American export mostly seen on TV.

I agree. That’s why I said for her to do her own thing.

*no such mortality risks (reduced) in pregnancy I meant.

There are mortality risks of pregnancy, blood clots being the number one cause of maternal death in this country. But that’s besides the point- the OP can have a baby shower if she wishes without being judged by people who think it’s tacky, or tempting fate, everyone likes to do things differently.

They're tacky. You're "inviting" people to give you a present.

I had awful anxiety in my pregnancy thanks. The point I'm trying to make is that just because that was your experience and how you processed it - it's very unfair to talk to another woman about tempting fate and mortality risks and suggesting that if she had a baby shower she should think about tempting fate.

That’s your opinion if is “BS” or not. We all know the mortality risks of childbirth are higher, there are no mortality risks of a pregnancy so that speaks for itself. This isn’t a competition of who’s pregnancy was harder than another, it all has its challenges of course but childbirth and recovery is harder…. Known fact! I’m not saying pregnancy is easy either.

As someone who has had high risk pregnancies and fertility issues TOO I’m speaking from own experiences of “tempting fate”. Good for you that you didn’t suffer anxiety. Not everyone is like that and that is often their reasons for not having a baby shower and/or avoiding them. I don’t think Im the only person here thinking this.

This

My friends organise mine but v low key. They brought food and games and we hung out and drank nosecco it was perfect.

What utter BS "you haven't done the hard work yet"

My pregnancy was harder than the birth and the parenting so far. I was on bed rest for most of it, regular hemorrhaging, I lost 3 stone due to the sickness and then developed diabetes and by the end I couldn't walk due to PGP.

Every womans experience is different and quite frankly that type of mentality is why people expect pregnant women to just chin up and get on with it like it's nothing.

And as someone who struggled with infertility and then a high risk pregnancy I think telling someone who's had that experience they are tempting fate is actually disgusting and cruel.

Op I'm so glad you're enjoying and celebrating your pregnancy, doing what you need to to promote good mental health and not letting the anxiety win.

Have one if you want, you don't need everyone on here to agree with the idea of a baby shower. But people are entitled to their opinions. If I could offer any advice it is best to have someone " officially" in charge. I was at one recently it was like a wake, everyone just sat round, no one mingled , no music ,no games. If there had been a sister or best pal who took charge it might have been more fun. I don't like them personally but just what I've noticed for one Ive been too

Having a low key one
In our garden
Couple of simple games / activities
Bit of food ..nice sandwiches ,crisps kinda thing
Sister and best friend organising
Asking for £5 donation to go towards food etc
About 10 people

I think it varies by friendship group as none of my friends or I had one. I personally don’t like them and think it’s better to celebrate when the baby has safely arrived.

It’s not just tempting fate. People have a different perception of what is being celebrated. You can see from most of the comments that most people find you haven’t done anything significant yet, you havent done the “hard work” yet- you have the birth to get through and then have to tackle motherhood which no book can tell
you. That’s where the real celebration is needed. Once you have given birth you will
understand these point of views.

But each to their own. Sounds like you want one so you “don’t miss out”!

How it usually works is the mum to be, pretends she has no idea that her best friend/sister/mother is organising it, whilst helping them plan every single detail down to the 'suggested' gift list.

Then when the baby eventually arrives, people will visit with even more gifts/flowers.

Yes we had fertility issues too so it was more of a reason to not have one. I shudder at the idea of it tempting fate. And even after going through successful pregnancies after losses, you know no one really cares apart from your
other half and close family. You do you though.

Everyone on Mumsnet gets very sniffy about baby showers. I've been to plenty in the UK and also Canada. I know some people think that because they are American that there couldn't possibly be etiquette but there absolutely is. First rule of baby showers is you never, ever, ever host your own. A friend or relative does the hosting. Also a baby shower is a one off event for the first baby only, not subsequent babies. There's absolutely no expectation for them to be held in restaurants etc and in fact the nicest ones I have been to have been in the home of the host. It's generally a nice excuse to get together for tea and cakes and play some silly games if you like.

This sums it pretty well from a North American perspective. I would add that in my neck of the woods (Deep South US), it's not even acceptable for close family to host the shower as that is seen as grabby. Usually close friends do it or perhaps work colleagues. And most of the ones I have attended were in the home of one of the hosts, not in restaurants, because it's the custom for the hosts to pay, and it can get very pricey in restaurants these days.

"Co-ed" showers are also often an option in the US, with men invited. The dad gets gifts as well, his own "manly" diaper bag, for example.

I think it was just a new baby wishlist so I guess could have been used once the baby was born when people generally give gifts. Maybe it sounds grabby but it seems like it is a good idea as at least people don't just buy clothes or blankets. Between us I think we bought a jumperoo which is surely more useful than people spending a tenner on something not needed.

So celebrate with your husband? Instead of being grabby

People will bring presents no matter how you word it. Either for mum or baby.

Awful chavvy events. Avoid at all costs.

Yes, a baby shower is for the express purpose of people providing you with things for the expected baby, hence the name. People ‘shower’ you with gifts. If what you actually want is a tea party to celebrate your pregnancy, just do that. Send an invitation to your friends saying ‘Come around for tea on Saturday the 21st — 4 pm till whenever. There will be cake and nibbles etc. NOT a baby shower. NB No presents.’