Should DH add me on the mortgage?

Although, being married, you may be entitled to half the house if you split up, not being named on the deeds makes it easier for your DH to sell it or take out a second mortgage on it without your knowledge, if he is so minded.

Is he abusive in other ways or just financially?

You’ve only been married 2 years which is a short marriage and may not result in a 50/50 asset split in divorce, especially if the assets were obtained prior to the marriage.

OP, your ‘D’H is being financially abusive, you gave up work to parent your shared child, he knew that as a result you would have no income and the only money would be what he earned, you are entirely reliant on his salary and if he had a problem with sharing that then he should have made it clear before you left employment, although you should also have made sure that an agreement on splitting of finances was in place.

so now you are where you are, I personally couldn’t stay married to someone who was financially abusive, but if you can then you need a firm agreement with him this. If he is not willing to support you and ensure that you both have equal spending money then you need to get a job and you need to split money in a structured was so you both fully understand who pays for what and you end up with equal spends.

About what? You were asked a question

https://refuge.org.uk/i-need-help-now/how-we-can-help-you/economic-abuse/

Have a look at this and see if any of it rings a bell...not all of it probably. But the not having money for a hair cut just sounds well...not right.

Errr, the fact you’ve said you have no financial independence, that your DH hides his earnings from you, that he thinks you shouldn’t be allowed to have any money to spend on yourself and your needs are no higher than “food and shelter”, that he describes you as a financial liability…. you know - basically your whole post.

You’ve essentially described him as financially abusive, seeing you as some kind of oppressed household slave, but you think your only issue is whether you’re on the mortgage?!

If you’re married the house is half yours anyway. Being on the mortgage or not literally makes not one jot of difference. It just means the bank can come after both of you for the debt.

Are you a person?

Whatever he thinks, half the assets are yours. He has no value for you or what you do, certainly doesn't love you. He's a grade 1 prick.

As soon as you get a job, if you intend to stay with this bellend, you need to sit down and cut each set of household and childcare tasks in half, at the moment he is an absolute freeloader getting all your labour for such tiny contribution.

Assuming this is the uk being added to the deeds / mortgage will make no difference to your rights, and would probably be very difficult if you have no income. He is financially abusing you, you need to work out an exit plan. The best option really would be to take advantage of having your rent, bills and childcare paid and find a job so that you can be independent again. Then leave, you’ll almost certainly be better off with child maintenance than you are now.

I can't understand personally why PPs are saying that you shouldn't be named on the mortgage. You should also be named on the title deeds as co-owner of the house.

This sounds a terrible set-up financially. Not even allowed money for a haircut? That's financial abuse.

You say elsewhere you would “never work a day in your life if you could”, so maybe he thinks you’re taking advantage of him.

You have allowed yourself to become dependent and vulnerable to this self centred man who shows no indication that he has any regard or affection for you. So now you need to get a job, seek legal advice, connect to your own RL support from your friends and family and work out a plan to get back your independent life. Take back control. Then look at how and why you allowed this situation to come about, so that you can avoid it happening again.

You’re in an abusive relationship.

Is there someone you can talk to in real life?

Yeah - you need to get a job - and make sure you dont pick up all the child care or the housework

You’ve married a sexist pig, for one.

@Mooselooseinmyhoose

Going "on the mortgage" only gives you a liability. It doesn't offer you security. The fact that you're married means half of everything is yours.

Saved me typing it. THIS! ^ You are entitled to half of everything anyway @Rorymyers even if you are not 'on the mortgage.'

That said, you don't sound like a very close and solid couple sorry..... I can't imagine living in an 'owned' home with my husband/the father of my children, with his name on the deeds of the house, and not mine. Why is the house only in his name?

Odd. I hope you're OK.

You talk about daycare - if you're in America, they will have their own rules regarding marriage etc.

He is financially abusing you and this is not how healthy marriages work. You need to find a job and then look to leave.

If you have any savings you need to find yourself a solicitor and start divorce proceedings.

Your husband (he's certainly not a 'dear' one, is treating you as a lodger who provides sex, childcare and housework instead of an equal partner.

You made assumptions that he would change and incorporate you into his life as an equal partner. He hasn't and won't.

So you need to leave and start a new life with your child, being your own financially secure person. You will never be one if you stay with that man.