Should DH add me on the mortgage?

He is financially abusing you. You are looking after your child and doing all the housework, cooking etc but you have no access to any personal money. Are you in the UK? If so, financial abuse is illegal here.

I would definitely try and find some part-time work.

I haven’t read the full thread but just to correct a misconception.

you are are not entitled to “half the house” after a marriage of a few years.

After a marriage of a few years (a short marriage), both parties should leave with what they brought to the relationship. However you have a child so this with change matters.

When you quit work and move to a new city to live with a man in his house without a job it instantly created a power imbalance. I’m sorry to say he has played in your naiveties.

seek legal advice, get a jobs and divorce him.

Are you not understanding?

WHY didn't you discuss all this before marriage?
WHY can't you sit him down and ask for financial transparency now?

He is keeping you down - verging towards financial abuse as you have no access to money

Who gets the child benefit?

It’s possible you may not be able to go on the mortgage because you don’t have an income. What would you use to pay the mortgage every month if you aren’t earning?

That said, you (a) need to have a conversation about finances, and (b) need to think practically about your future and your financial security. It sounds like your Dh doesn’t really want to be carrying the full burden financially. Together, you need to sort out childcare and you need to consider how you’ll contribute. For some people, the arrangement you have works, sure. But personally, I wouldn’t expect my Dh to pay for me to get my hair done or go out with friends. If I wanted to do that, I’d make sure I made my own money and had my own independence.

The mortgage is a debt - so no need to be on the mortgage - however you should have a conversation about being on the deeds of the property.

You will also need a household bill with your name on it as proof of address, you new job will ask for it.

But I agree with others you need to be aware of what your finances are and he should be giving you money each week for a hair cut or new shoes as you provide a lot in the house.

Iw old also discuss what happens when you are back at work and how the household and childcare chores are to be split.

It's the DEEDS of the house you need to be listed on. That is what denotes ownership of the house. The mortgage is just the debt, and opens you up to financial liability which at present you have no means to service.

You are married to a financially abusive arsehole. Contact Women's Aid with a view to making an exit plan.

How much does he earn?
What are the household costs?
Savings, investments, assets, pensions, will?
If you get a job how many hours, how will household chores be divided, childcare, free time, who will cover sick days?
What are your future family plans, more kids, holidays, bigger house, different careers, how will these be financed?

Going on the mortgage only makes you liable to pay, it doesn’t give you any security, and considering you don’t have an income you would be a dependent and reduce the borrowing capacity anyway

As others have said, you’re married so have rights anyhow.

But, as others have said quite rightly, this sounds like he’s hiding finances from you. It always surprises me that people are willing to combine their genes to produce a human, but aren’t willing to combine their bank accounts. If it were me, I’d be insisting that you combine finances as you’re married. If he refuses, that would be a deal breaker for me.

how old are you? I’m very concerned that you don’t even know what you should be discussing with him. I mean this should have all been discussed prior to getting married and definitely before having kids!

How much does he earn? Why can’t you set up joint account so you can pay for stuff? Does he have a private pension, does he have shares / savings. What life insurance does he have.

When I wasn’t working and on maternity leave (I have 3 kids) my husband paid into private pension for me to ensure it continued to grow.

Wow. Please ensure you have wills, as well, and complete transparency regarding anything financial. You need to sit down together regularly and discuss family finances.

Sadly this .

I find it utterly mind blowing that people get married / have children before talking about money!!! My partner and I had a joint account prior to getting married to pay for stuff as he earns way more than me - we paid a proportionate amount for everything. For a holiday I’d at 25% and he’d paid 75%. After having kids when u wasn’t working and even now when I am part-time I just use the joint account to pay for what we / I need. It’s our money. We are family. He works more / earns more but I do more at home. It’s a partnership.

This is a highly abusive relationship

Husband sounds controling . And loads more .
Financial abuse ?
Have you lost yourself since getting with him rather then having your child.

If you worked would everything still fall to you ?
Dies he ever cook clean it look after your child?

OP can you move back for support . Apply for jobs and take half what he is hiding in the divorce the twat.
He doesn’t sound like a nice man

OP how certain are you that you are legally married? The whole thing just sounds odd, why would you marry someone without having some of these discussions. If you aren't on any paperwork, how much did you involve yourself with the legal aspects of wedding arrangements? Being a 'homemaker' is a very vulnerable position to be in and I'm concerned you sound quite naive to have got to the point of marriage and having a child with a man without having had these more serious discussions. How certain are you that you are legally married? Did you go and give notice of your intention to marry etc at the register office?

The good news is that you're married, so you have rights.

The bad news is that you're being financially abused.

You'd be better off getting divorced.

You don't want to be on the mortgage and liable for payments. But you do want to be on the deeds so that he cannot make you homeless. He won't add you though.

I don't know how you have got yourself into this position of being completely reliant on someone else financially.

Give Women’s Aid a call and seek some advice. You are being abused financially in your marriage.

You don't need joint accounts, but you absolutely need to be named on the deeds of the house. Otherwise you'd have nothing if your husband chucked you out.
And if you're not earning, he needs to transfer you an agreed - & significant - amount of money every month.
Plus, make sure you are claiming any relevant benefits.

Personally, I'd be looking for a job ASAP.

The job is the key thing. You have zero leverage at present.

I'm going to go slightly against the grain here, if the agreement was that you'd get a new job and haven't, he's probably annoyed about that.

Having said that, the lack of transparency around finances is not good.

You need to talk to him properly. What does your expected take home pay look like compared to his? Let's say you start working again, same salary as him, same hours.

At that point, you'd both need to be paying 50% and doing 50% as a starting point.

Talk to him! You're married, you should be transparent with each other.

Not giving you any access to family money is financial abuse. Its really not normal for one party to the marriage to have a decent amount of the disposable income and the other to have nothing above food and shelter. Really not OK. Adding you to the mortgage just means the debt is yours, which won't help.

Is he willing to pay for childcare and do half of pick ups drop offs sick days etc to support you getting a job? As getting a kid settled into childcare whilst you settle into work is tricky, lots of nursery bugs etc

Don't worry about being on the mortgage, as his wife and especially having a child with him you'll be entitled to a share of the house and his pension.

Firstly, and most importantly, start claiming child benefit NOW so you get years towards your state pension. Tell him if he earns over £60K he'll need to declare it on his self assessment but it's really important you get credit for the years you're not working so you don't end up in poverty in old age.

Secondly, tell him you want him to start paying into a pension for you, since you're not earning he can put £2,880 in per year. There are tax benefits if he does this so if he doesn't that will tell you all you need to know about how financially abusive he is.

Thirdly, start looking for a full time job in earnest, ideally you want to be completely financially independent of him. You had a good job before, you will be able to find one again x. You should start investigating childcare options as well. If your DH doesn't want to pay for childcare remind him he effectively gets a tax rebate (this will help you gauge his income, on a very high salary he won't be eligible for tax free childcare but you should apply anyway and get him to provide any evidence if he's not eligible).

Fourthly, if he doesn't buck up his ideas and start providing gor you adequately then you need to divorce him for financial abuse. Hopefully when you start talking about it with him he'll come to his senses but if he doesn't you need independence and a court to decide how much he has to give you.

Your husband is being financially controlling, which is actually a criminal offence now!
if you left him, you’d be entitled to at least half the equity in the house, half of all savings, half of any pension he has. Plus you’d be entitled to child maintenance.