Should DH add me on the mortgage?

How do you pay for groceries?

At this stage I would get any job, even minimum wage, rather than waiting for your niche/professional area, so you have some of your own money.

And save a chunk of it as an 'escape fund'. As others have said, this man seems from what you have written, to be controlling, misogynistic, brings you down rather than building you up as a true partner should. I personally wouldnt want my child, boy or girl, growing up with this example of how a man treats a woman. He should nurture and respect you as his wife and mother of your child.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but now is time to make positive changes, for you and your child.

Do you have a Job Centre or Employment Bureau near you? Have got any qualifications or skills? Search online for local Job Centre - you go there and ask about any work or put name down for anything that turns up. You can go to Citizens Advice Bureau for your area. They can help you. Phone them for a 20 min. appointment. They give legal information etc, There is also Woman's Aid. Prepare your questions in advance because they are very busy.

So you’re just a free housekeeper/nanny/maid /cleaner?

The worry in your situation is that you have no access to money. You sound like you are being kept like a slave, responsible for childcare, food preparation and keeping the home.

You say his money covers the bills. However he won't give you money for things like a haircut and you have no money to go for coffee for friends. This is not ok. You should have access to the joint account and be able to do these things. Some people have set budgets where after bills each person gets a certain amount of spending money to do as they please, others it's just a shared pot and take what is needed.

You don't have access to money? Do you at least get child benefit?

That's financial abuse OP. You've got real problems and need a come to jesus conversation with your husband about separating if this is going to be your lives.

A SIPP is a private pension. You are at huge risk of an impoverished old age. I appreciate you are probably still quite young, but the sooner you start, the better it is, that's the way investing works. As a non earner, if you put in £2880 in per year, you get an extra 20% from the government. If you do one lot now, you'll get into the current tax year, then put the next lot in after 6th April.

You can claim child benefit, but then you ask to not receive the actual payment. What that does is keep your NI record complete. The information you need is here: https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit. This is basic stuff, you really need to take charge of your financial situation to ensure you are not disadvantaged.

You need to contact Women's aid for advice and support.

This is financially abusing you and is Coercive control as he is keeping you penniless.

This is a crime.

Do not get pregnant again whatever you do.
Does he force you to have sex in any way?

This often tends to be a part of Coercive control too.

You probably should've had this conversation prior to getting married and having a child! Your money should be joint. Perhaps suggest you move out and then he's welcome to do everything himself or he can pay someone to raise his child, cook and clean. Better yet, send him an invoice for your services. Disgusting.

I moved in with my husband, when we got engaged. Automatically, I was added to the mortgage and the deeds of the house. At the time I worked full-time, and I helped out financially. I couldn't contribute 50/50 because he earns way more than me. Our son was born, and I became a SAHM. Yes, I took on more of caring for our son, cooking, cleaning etc because he worked full-time. We have a joint account and a savings account each. Our finances are transparent, I know my husband's salary etc. You have married a man, who's never ever shared any financially information with you, sees no value on you being on the mortgage or deeds and doesn't share his money with you. You are essentially having to ask him for money, and he won't give you money for having your hair cut etc, as he sees it as unimportant. Of course he's done this deliberately. He's financially isolating you and controlling all the finances. He may think in the event of you splitting, he won't have to share HIS assets, but he'd be wrong, you're married, so it's shared assets. Honestly, you do need to find work, to gain some financial security away from your husband. He's treating you like crap.

What's your cultural background (if there is a polite/PC way to ask that...)? It may have a bearing on your situation.

This man is financially abusive and your life could get a whole lot worse

Will he expect you to cover the nursery bill? Probably and you’ll be left with a few hundred a month

A man who won’t pay for his wife to have coffee is no man in my eyes - scum or lower

I think a normal set up would be that all his income goes into one account, bills and house savings and family expenses are removed and then you divide the pot in two. Spending money for him and spending money for you. This is made slightly difficult now as your little one goes to nursery so he has taken that barrier away for you able to work. How old are they and when did they start? Before they were at nursery and you couldn't work what was he like?

For example when you do get a job is going to continue to pay everything and yours is just leisure money?

If not, what does he expect you to pay?

Do you have the same earning power?

Excellent point.

I’d hate to hold my breath till he actually pays. OP if you get a job, he’ll make you finance the childcare.

The money coming into the house is family money, it should fo into one pot to pay bills and stuff for the children and then you both have the same amount to spend

When you get a job, your money will go into at pot as well.

It's called being a team

https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/what-is-economic-abuse/

I agree with all of this.

Sorry, OP, but your husband is not a good guy, and you'd be better off without him.

So if you go to work he will pay a full time childminder

In the meantime why isn’t he paying this to you? Seeing as you are doing the childminding.

You need to get a job and see a solicitor

He is unkind to you in a very subtle "i am doing it for your own good do not question me but I pay for everything. You are lucky to have me" way.

Buy gift cards on the credit card and save them up for your escape fund

You need to talk to a solicitor. You aren't automatically entitled to half of everything as this sounds like a short marriage. Length of marriage absolutely infuences any entitlement.

Call a solicitor ASAP and get your free 30 minutes.

So he’s got you trained not to question him about why you aren’t allowed to get haircuts and the like?? JFC.