Should DH add me on the mortgage?

There isn’t enough info to cry financial abuse. Most couples when one partner has been out of work long term, couldn’t afford to go to the salon for hair and nails. He is obviously worried about money, and trying to keep spends to the absolute necessities.

Why on Earth would you want to be added to the mortgage? You realise this adds you to a massive loan and that you are agreeing to take joint responsibility for this debt? The mortgage company wouldn’t add you anyway, you have to have an income to qualify to be added as a debtor.

Being on the mortgage gets you no rights over ownership of the house it is for either, you have that as his spouse/via marriage.

The main issue is no joint accounts and no communication of finances.

Seperate finances in marriage is what some couples choose but it should come with complete transparency and equality in decisions for whatever is “family money”

Most married couples have at least one joint current account for family expenses and one joint savings account for family financial goals (ie holidays birthdays, car, ) then separate personal accounts for own disposable income- that they are transparent about.

Depending on the size of the mortgage, a partial transfer of property that puts you on the mortgage might incur stamp duty, so get proper advice before making any decisions, especially as in the event of a divorce your home is a marital asset anyway, if your DH owns it.
However, I think the bigger issue here is that you, as a couple, didn't sort out how the finances were going to work before your DC was born. It sounds like your husband was not expecting to have a wife who's a SAHM, and resents the fact that you haven't been working. He's doing a lot of unreasonable stuff, IMO, but some people need an agreed plan to keep them on the right path, and will do whatever they can get away with in the absence of one.

You have no income, he gives yoi nothing.
You need to claim CB and he then declares it.
You need this for your stamp for your future pension.
You need to do this urgently.

How old are you, and him?
Is there a gsp.

Abusive men love to isolate women, move them away from their security.

Yeah, this is really weird. He's bang out of order OO, isn't this financial abuse? Shitty behaviour on his part, that's for sure.

Yeah he's financially abusing you

You can claim. My DH also earns more than the threshold. I claim the child benefit, use it on things for our girls like dance and swim lessons, any left each month goes into their savings accounts. He then fills in a self assessment form at end of the year and pays most of it back, and I pay part of this tax bill as I work, but part time vs his full time. But doing it this way means I keep up my contributions towards my pension.

Sorry but if your DH is expecting you to contribute financially then all cards should be on the table.

I do think as others have said this discussion should have taken place before marriage

I have on further comments if you read through the comments 🤷

Just pointing out initially that usually people consider these things before they marry and have children. It's one of those things you discuss when in a serious relationship e.g. reasonable things to have discussed include: shall we open a joint account for all our household bills; you earn more so you put in more, we both then have some personal spending money; I would like children and would like to stay home with them for the first few years, will that be possible on one income? Etc.

How long had you actually been together for?

What sort of job are you looking for ?

He is NOT providing everything.

He moved you away from your secure income.

You should not have to go cap in hand asking for x, y or z for yourself - he sounds controlling with a good front to him.

You/your dh won’t be getting extra income from claiming the child benefit right now but you will be earning ‘years’ on your national insurance record if you claim child benefit in your name while you are not employed - this will help you to be eligible for the full state pension in old age https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/benefits/benefits-if-you-have-children/protecting-your-state-pension-when-you-have-a-baby

In that case I think you need to have a frank discussion with him and explain that his behaviour is financially abusive and outline basic expectations of him, including adding you to the mortgage, a full disclosure of your family finances, you claiming and repaying child benefit (to gain qualifying years for your state pension)
and you being able to have your needs for basic material items met consistently. It also may help him to see things more clearly if you talk to friends and family about how they manage family finances and highlight how poorly and disrespectfully he treats you compared to how other men treat their partners.

I don’t think the mortgage/deeds thing is a big deal. I owned a house before I met DH and I’ve never even considered putting him on the deeds and mortgage, why would I? In fact, we’re moving shortly and I’m buying the new home in my name only - mainly because his credit score is crap and we don’t need a big mortgage so can afford it on my own. None of it matters. We’re married, so he has matrimonial rights. I cannot force him out the house without a court order even if I wanted to. If we were to divorce, the house would be considered to be a matrimonial asset and he has a claim over some of it (if not half of it).

However, all of our money is shared (my salary pays all bills and we live off his salary). There is no asking each other for money, it’s understood between us that it is ours and it’s been that way since we had a child.

It doesn't sound like your DH respects you as an equal partner. He isn’t sharing information with you or discussing financial matters or decisions.

@Rorymyers It's not purely about the actual money coming in from child benefit. Irrelevant of what he earns you need to claim it in your name, he will get it deducted through his tax code BUT it gives you a National Insurance contribution for every year you don't get one from work. You need to get, I think, 35 full years of contribution or you won't get (a full) state pension in your own right.

It sounds like he considers his money to be solely his. I’m sorry but he sounds like an arsehole, you are his wife, not his maid!

He sounds very much like my ex-husband and unfortunately when there’s this kind of financial abuse its a very rocky road ahead xx

Yes I am. I was never particularly career focused more I worked to live rather than lived to work. I was very happy when we (as a team) made the decision for me to stay home. If I ever go back to work it will be a part time to keep me occupied type role as my DCs get older. Right now though I have 2 in primary and one in high school, I do school runs for all, they also have full social lives and after school activities that I chauffeur them to and from. On quiet days I’m free to take them to the park or get an ice cream afterschool etc.. I have no restrictions like I would if I worked. And just to be clear we are not financially well off, we budget and scrape along to have this lifestyle, DH was earning £28k a year when we first made this decision.