To not want to be DP’s tenant?

Just because they weren't financially equal to start with, shouldn't mean that she remains a lodger forever. If she pays rent going forward, then OP probably wouldn't be able to save enough for a buy to let.
It isn't easy being a landlord these days in any case, and breaking even isn't even guaranteed.
I wouldn't want to be in a longterm relationship with someone who is essentially my landlord rather than my partner, and who could tell me to leave with no notice and with nothing.

I’m not @Letstheriveranswer but one idea would be to share the risks of your relationship equally. At the moment he has security and you have none.

You can’t have risk free commitment .

And it’s his choice not to marry. Again he doesn’t want the risk to his assets.

Of course if he is a fair man, he will understand that you can never have kids if you want everything to be 50:50. He can’t gestate and give birth to half a child. ( I undertand that you might not want kids either ).

But as you are not paying rent to your partner, only a share of household bills, would you not have some money spare each month to save towards the repairs on a BTL?

If you did buy a house with your partner, it would also still need repairs which would need paying for 50/50, how would you afford that?

There is also landlords insurance against the risk of non-payment of rent.

There are places in the country where you can still buy a 2 bed new build house for £120k, and have the letting agents manage it.

Ask yourself this, OP. Why is your DP comfortable with the idea of you having no financial security in life? Why isn't he concerned that your relationship could fail some years down the line and leave you with absolutely nothing?

I mean no marriage. No children. No joint mortgage/tenancy. There really is no commitment.

Your basically housemates who sleep together and enjoy each others company.

Either of you should end it tomorrow and there is nothing to untangle one of you either leaves or is kicked out.

My worry is that we’ll get 5yrs down the road and he will decide that actually it’s too big a risk to take and then I’ll be in the position of wanting to break up rather than be his tenant. I’d rather know now if he has no intention of building that future with me so I’m not wasting my time and can invest only in what I need to be as secure as I can be in the future.

And that will effectively be five years you could have been paying your own mortgage, thus adding to your financial future. He’s being wishy washy with you because he benefits much more from your current living situation than you do, so doesn’t want you to leave.

There’s no easy answer seen as 50% of relationships fail he’s being completely sensible

you are never going to be equal he has a house outright you have nothing

Isn't that a question you should be asking him? How is he showing any commitment to you?

Living with your DP for the past 4 years has allowed you to completely clear my debts, rebuild my credit rating to excellent and have a few grand in savings.

He’s been clear about his 5 year plan.

It’s up to you to secure your own financial future, and to be fair he’s given you a great start.

Unless you’re saying you could have lived alone elsewhere and still cleared debt and saved the same amount you’ve saved whilst living with him?

But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. You’ve done pretty well out of him so far.

invest only in what I need to be as secure as I can be in the future.

Do this. Don't hinge your financial security on a man.

But hes not committed at all, is he? You have FAR less rights that a tenant and it will be the same in his next place . If your relationship ends he can put you out on the street without any notice.

You are crazy to be where you are now but at least you are not paying a lot of rent. Though I’m waiting to read that you do most of the housework because he earns more / has a demanding job / long commute etc . And that you pay for more than 50% when you go out etc . Is that right ?

You would be insane to agree to this deal going forward. As Pp have pointed out, there are legal mechanisms to ensure a fair split of the equity. So if he doesn’t what to treat you fairly and as an equal partner, why do you what to stay with him ?

Any man who expects you to live with no financial security for the rest of your life, just for the pleasure of shagging him is not a good man.

Absolutely do not become a renter in your own home that would be absolutely unfair to you to contribute to his potential mortgage on a new place and get nothing out of it. Your proposal of him ring fencing his money is fair. If he isn’t willing to go this route then this is not the relationship for you.

This.
tenants in common.
if he doesn’t want that, then ditch him. He definitely isn’t into a future with you, just a house.

I understand where he is coming from as nobody wants to have to sell their home if a relationship breaks down. And I'd advise my children this way as well.

But its not comfortable being on the other end of that.

He is basically saying that life is unpredictable and anything can happen, even in a relationship that seems good.

You see buying a home together as a sign of commitment and trust in the relationship, but I would say we can commit in all sorts of ways but without risking our financial and home security.

I think you also need to think like he is, and use your improved financial position to buy yourself a buy-to-let as an investment. Something you would also be happy to live in if necessary. That way, if things go wrong you also have something that is totally your own.

If things continue to work out, you will be two independent people, who would each be fine alone and who are together from choice. And that's a lovely way to be.

He admitted that he doesn’t like the idea of sharing the risk/responsibility as it is a bit of a gamble that you’ll lose out if the relationship breaks down. I get that, I really do.

Yes, it's a risk for him whereas the way he's suggesting he knows he'll do well financially in part at your expense. And if you follow his plan, there's no gamble for you at all. You've lost before you start.

Committed to what?? A few nice holidays? God you’re naive. He’s a walking Reg Flag. 🚩🚩🚩

This isn’t a proper partnership but a Friends with benefits situation, all on his terms.

You're currently thinking short term but what about old age when you’re on a meagre pension and he wants to treat himself to a new car/holiday etc. and you’re struggling to pay for your car to be fixed? Or you get sick before that and are unable to work and contribute?

Unless a long term partner demonstrates their genuine commitment to you and is willing to share everything 50/50 then I’d walk away from this situation as it will leave you fucked in 10/20 yrs time. Just read many of the regular threads on here from women who’ve been dumped for a younger model or dumped when they’ve been diagnosed with a serious illness and the ‘partner’ doesn’t want to become a carer. It’s no use thinking ‘it won’t happen to me’ because you don’t have a crystal ball.

You seem to be suggesting the only way for him to treat you like an “equal partner” is to essentially give you a lump of cash if you were to split.
I wouldn’t advise anyone in a dating relationship to buy a property with such a large financial imbalance.

No he was looking after himself, now he is looking to increase his wealth at the expense of his dp of four years
If you were in boyfriends shoes what would you do?
There doesn't seem to be a longterm relationship plan going on. There's no talk of marriage or engagement ( unless I've missed it) 🤔
If I was the op I would be considering all my options including the relationship.

This and he's clearly had his fingers burnt in the past. But if you are partners, it seems fair and reasonable that you share a house together including being on the deeds.

Sorry OP, but he doesn't sound that into you. Please look after your own interests, life doesn't sound like it's been kind so far.

If you stay with him and you are under 40, open a Lifetime ISA (LISA) account for yourself. That will get you some government help to either buy your own home or save for later life. Also build some other savings and stack up your pension, gaining tax relief. At least then you'll have a bit of security.

Well you can but you also leave yourself wide open at times to vulnerability.
Yes he’s done well buying a home and wonderful he got an inheritance. But this move seems to be all about. Who is arsed about guest facilities when you have absolutely no rights?
Why can’t you just stay where you are now?
He sounds sensible but also very self-serving. You are supposed to be partners not landlord/tenant.

Absolutely this is what is happening.

He's been burned financially before in a past relationship and you came in with debt. You've managed to clear the debt due to the low "rent" equivalent you've been contributing. The only way you'll be his equal property wise is if he sells the current house, and you jointly buy something and go in equally on it, while he ringfences the rest of his equity. But I'm guessing you'd rather be in the more expensive house in the nice area, and so would he.

You can't have it all the ways, if you want to own property you're going to have to paddle your own canoe and start from the bottom, you can't expect him to provide any more of a leg up than he is doing I don't think.