Will I ever get a job? Utterly useless

I think any other form of job is just too big a mountain or the wrong thing. This allows you to take things in chunks. Gain confidence. And if things go wrong, which they will because that’s life, try and think about it like it was someone else giving you advice.
Also - a lot of the time those freelance gigs and developing relationships are your way in to a perm role should you want it. If they like you and it’s working, they are more likely to offer you some flexibility around children and how your contract looks as you’ve proved yourself.
It is literally like anything - the more you think about it the worse it gets. The anticipation of the dentist. Or for me I think I hate flying, which I do, but quite often the airport and up to take off is the worst bit.

If you do what you’ve always done then you’ll get what you’ve always got x

Nothing to do with neurodiversity.
My initial suggestion of just getting any job was based on the original post where I interpreted it as them needing to find a job as they needed the money (at this point it wasn't known they have a rental providing income).

When I later suggested working as a TA it was because this could help give them confidence getting back into the workplace and work around their childcare issues/wanting a term time only job. I also thought with their neurodiversity they could work well with young people and have empathy (so I guess I did kind of take their ND into account here).

I would say surely this backs up why you should take up some of the freelance or speak up about your ND to employers because as you say, many are much more receptive to this from the start. You also said you know employers have spoken highly about you and you can function really well. So go, and do that! It suits your experience so much more. You’ll be in control, start as small as you like and build confidence. I’m still not sure if we’ve established why this is a complete no go?
Surely this is the best option if you’re not going to find an exact right role.

I do get what you’re saying and how you’re struggling. But you do need to push yourself and rip the plaster off because otherwise you’ll keep overthinking and going in circles. I reckon you’d start some freelance and in two months time wonder what you were so worried about.

I’m also autistic/ADHD and work in a very autistic unfriendly career. For me I’m fine when I’m actually doing the job, but if I take time out then I convince myself that I’m not suitable for my job. Maybe just take a job and see how it goes? If it really doesn’t suit you then you can always leave. I think overthinking makes it seem worse than it actually is.

I said no such thing.

@BarbaricYawp your way of empathising was to tell OP to ignore all the NT people who wouldn’t understand. That’s what I found frustrating. Discounting a whole load of other people.

I’ve not assassinated anyone.
I have given my experience of the labour market as someone with ADHD.
If anyone feels I’ve been judgmental I apologise, but it’s always a good thing to be honest.

I'd really love to know why some posters think it's so unreasonable and snobbish for a person to want to do the kind of job that fits with their level and type of education and training. Or are you only saying that because the OP is ND?

I teach lots of very bright girls, quite a few of whom have adhd and/or autism. As well as the academic stuff, we do our best to help them develop strategies so that their ND traits don't hold them back from the kind of great jobs they are intellectually capable of. I very much doubt that what they are hoping for is a supermarket job. Would you really tell them they are snobbish?

Yeah, I thought this too after a few responses.
It’s a living hell in the workplace when you have ADHD.
I've spent the last 40 years navigating the labour market and to say it’s tough is an understatement.
Just because you have a diagnosis, doesn’t mean it’s going to be a bed of roses until retirement.

i work with a lot of neurodiverse women,
many have Access to work to make their life easier.
they work despite the obstacles

That’s fab. I hope you can survive with 40 years under your belt 👍

Honestly @User74893773 i think you are most likely a very bright person who has done well academically and professionally, and now you’ve a chronic fear and dread what the workplace will be like for you, I actually disagree that ‘a job, any job’ is what you need right now, I don’t think that’s being snobbish or aloof, but I get the sense that you would feel worse in a job that doesn’t nurture your talents than in no job at all. I could be wrong, but honestly I don’t think there’s anything wrong in feeling that way and owning it. There’s nothing wrong with knowing your professional worth, and indeed you should figure out early what your financial needs and wants are so you don’t undervalue yourself when an offer comes your way. If you’ve been to three universities, and have solo parent childcare to cover, I don’t think minimum wage roles should be your starting point at all.

I think you need to figure out what sort of job you want to be in successfully in 2-3 years time, and working out a path to get there. If you are not on LinkedIn, set yourself up, and make it a goal to connect with say ten new people a week, and send a short message saying you are finding a path back to the workforce and would value any advice or help they can give.

Ask somebody to mentor you. I know someone doing an MBA and an element they have to complete is coaching.

Write a blog post every day, 150 words. You don’t need to publish it, just have it for yourself as a professional journal. I think this creative process would be helpful for you. In time, you could plan to publish one a week on LinkedIn.

All the time you are positioning yourself as an expert in your field. You need to put in the time now to rebuild your professional persona. If you set aside 30-60 minutes focus time every day, same time x five days a week, you are investing in yourself.

I think you are catastrophising a little bit about what you can’t do (admin, etc). I’m terrible at admin, and I let it pile up, and you should see the state of my inbox. But nobody knows but me. Nobody needs to know about my ADHD or about my home life or about how I used to have regular panic attacks driving to work when I first went back. To look at me now, most people wouldn’t have a clue; the small number of people who remember me back in those early back-to-work days are in my past now.

What a snob!

It's not a binary choice between kind platitudes and character assassinations. Some people have actually made constructive comments and suggestions.

I actually think it's funny how people are looking down at working in Tesco. I have a relative that had a summer job in a supermarket as a teenager and then continued to work in supermarkets full time when they left school. Many years later they earn much more than me (with my two degrees and student loan that is unlikely to ever be paid off) as they worked their way up to management level.
Likewise some of the kids from school who were always seen as not very bright are the ones raking in the money with their trade roles (plumbing) or even again McDonald's managers.

Ffs. The OP asked for advice and suppport about how to go about getting a doable job, as a highly qualified ND person who's lacking in confidence. Tge answer is apparently 'Stop being lazy and thinking anyone gives a crap about you. You're a snob - how dare you want a job suitable for someone with your qualifications?'.

I'm coming to the conclusion that the threads complaining that MN is just full of nasty, malicious keyboard warriors are actually right.

Just wanted to add that I did apply for an entry-level position at a local shop based around my hobby as a means of getting back into the workforce. Minimum wage.

I was literally laughed out of there as overqualified. So no job and now I can never show my face in the shop again!

I think from all the suggestions it comes down to two choices:

1. Take the freelance work you are offered. This sounds more like the sort of work you want to do (and believe you are skilled for). Once you start taking on these jobs it could lead to further opportunities. As it is freelance you could pick and choose, and also potentially still have time to job hunt.

1. The complete opposite. You get panicky about applying for more senior jobs despite your degrees and knowing you are good on paper. Build your confidence by taking on a menial job/lower entry job just to get used to being in the workplace again. You have pointed out a number of potential issues surrounding your children and lack of childcare, so the obvious solution is a school based job. As you point out you aren't good/don't like admin, so I don't think school receptionist/office staff would work, but with your own ND experience and own child with ADHD then being a TA would be a good option.

Kindness does not get you through life as an employee.
If all you wanted was a sympathetic ear, you should have said.

Ah, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad ballnews but when you have ADHD in the workplace you are going to come up against people who don’t understand.
You have already said ‘you are useless’
Why do you think an employer will think any higher of you?