A bit of background:
I met a very nice lady when volunteering and we quickly became close friends, she is very tactile and found out I enjoy hugging women and that was how the ice broke between us. After a certain time she moved to another shop to volunteer and she invited me into her canasta group who play at someones house on Sunday evenings. There are six of us, three men and three women, all of them I get on with; however, there is one woman who is the textbook definition of a dolly downer. She has had and continues to have family, financial and health issues* (some I have been told are self inflicted) and is always dwelling on them and complaining/sighing every Sunday evening. I can tolerate this as the canasta group is the only regular F2F contact I have with my friend, but I find her attitude draining, it is a mood killer at times.
I would love to be able to help her but I know there is nothing I can do. My question is, would it be unreasonable if, when a suitable occasion occurred (e.g. she said something where the response could follow naturally), I was direct and told her straight that at least part of the problem is her negative attitude and this pushes people away. Part of me feels she needs to be told some hard truths but part of me doesn't want to risk pushing her into a state of depression.
I am a little pulled in two directions. In normal circumstances she is not a person I would choose to associate myself with (for other reasons that what I have put here), but I can't help but feel compassion.
*Examples:
She has little disposable income but keeps giving money to her 40-something year old son who lives on a rented boat somewhere in London which is in poor condition. Her son prefers to live like that rather than move in with her, and she wouldn't want him living with her anyway although she claims to love him. She closely follows christianity and believes her son is demonised because he is into new age stuff (whatever that means).
She has problems with her feet and back but won't see someone because of the state of her finances.
She has a car in poor condition which she doesn't get regularly serviced to save money, instead gets things fixed when necessary (which is more expensive in the long term).
She lives alone in a sizable house in which I think she struggles with maintenance costs when they arise. Others in the group have suggested downsizing or releasing equity.