Feel like I’m going crazy and being gaslit

Have you read the post? There will be no next time - he will be leaving the OP said.

@Vixh70702 Pop over to the Relationships board and start your own thread 😊

AIBU can be a bit brutal with lots of people be judgy that you haven’t left, but Relationships will give you practical advice on what to do in your particular situation and also let you know if your situation is “normal” etc.

💐

You’re not going crazy OP, you’re just in a horrible relationship with a really horrible man. You don’t have to stay.

You have both had NO sleep. Expect a huge apology for the tripe he dished up.

Explain to his family - in a confident manner - that your bedroom is out of bounds to guests. It is your private space.

Also explain that their guest bedroom is similar to them while they stay ..

Next time do not have them stay with you unless DH gives up his room forthem, and stays in the living room.

SORRY!! Ignore my posts- I didn’t mean to put them on someone else’s thread. My mistake .

Just because he's nice sometimes does not mean he isn't an abusive narcissist. He absolutely is. My exH was what Dr Ramani calls a mid range narcissist and he was far far far nicer than your partner. You are being abused and it's time to do your research and wake up. Lots of people are talking only about the current issues with his family but the main issue is that you are in a very abusive relationship.

Have a look at Dr Ramani's channel on YouTube.

This situation sounds horrendous. Ot is not sustainable. Have you read Jessa85 wh jas a couple of tjreads. Read them as this will be you in a couple of years. Alao reas them, she found amazing strength.

You can too. Make plans today. Start now. Keep it secret. Use all resources available to you. You can do it ❤️

You are definitely being gaslit. The family seem to be his flying monkeys, and are in on it too. Maybe he got his nastiness from them. Utterly disrespectful. Maybe your partner is a narc. You need to develop another support system.
Don't react as he is looking for a reaction.

You’re going to need to set the boundaries yourself because your husband is manipulative, abusive and can’t be trusted to set them in a way that doesn’t throw you under the bus, if he even listens to you at all.

You say his family are nice people, so apologise to his mum this morning for the row with your husband and explain your bedroom is your private space and you didn’t feel decent when they came in. That you didn’t want to be awkward so quietly explained that to your husband, but it turned into a row. Then ask them not to come into the bedroom, that you and the kids will come downstairs/ to the communal areas in the morning to spend time with them.

Your husband can’t be the go-between with his family - you’ll need to take charge of your relationship with the in laws, while quietly getting your ducks in a row so that you can leave soon.

Sorry why are you paying tuition for your youngest son? Why is your mother not accessing state provided care? Why are you not just leaving and getting a divorce? As he is your husband you are entitled to 50% so it’s a very different situation than not being married. And why on earth did you let him back in - illness or not? The whole thing is a bit weird. Your 21 year old can also leave - I left at 18…

No idea why you are with such a nasty person and you are right, you are in an abusive relationship. Set up a savings account. Try to get access to the bank and transfer money. Get a job if you can, ignore him, stop doing the housework. Then leave.

Start making plans to leave.

I would not have bit my tongue for any of them.

@Gemmabakes You will be happier on your own with the children.
One step at a time... it won't be easy, {financially or emotionally} but better than being unappreciated and emotionally unsupported.

@Gemmabakes Call the National Abuse Helpline as soon as they open 10am - 08082000247. They can signpost you to available help in your area and importantly, first reassure you that you are neither crazy nor alone.

Your partner and his family sound awful but they aren't going to change. The only thing you can do is leave.

Speak to Citizens Advice about what you would be entitled to if you leave with the children. You would probably be entitled to UC, help with your rent, child benefit and child maintenance. Your longer term goal should be to get back to work when your children are a bit older.

Shitehawks is such a brilliant description of this entire family. I'm so sorry OP, you are being treated like absolute shit. Leave him, leave that shitty family. Who marches into your bedroom anyway, and says what stinks when you've changed a baby? What the hell is wrong with people?! He's totally gaslighting you too, using you and treating you so badly.

I know it's hard financially to leave OP but he's so nasty and you deserve a much better life than this.

There's nothing lonelier than being in a relationship with a useless, abusive, unkind man. It seems like a mammoth task to leave and of course there will be things to sort out, but you will be surprised at how much easier life is without him. No doubt you are effectively a single mother anyway. Imagine being able to do that in a house that is calm, non judgmental argumentative. You and your kids can live in peace and have joy and not walk on eggshells. You can have some sleep and be able to face the world. Ask yourself if you still want to be dealing with this situation in 5 or 10 years and then ask yourself what sounds harder, taking the jump to start a fresh life without him or spending the next however many years with him.
It will be alright. It will be better than alright. You and your kids deserve happiness and peace.

He is abusive and you deserve so much better. You would be better off without him.
Do you have any family or friends that can help?

The best advice I can give you is to try to get a job so that you can start to make plans to leave your abusive relationship. If your partner refuses to pay for childcare so that you can get a job, you need to look into what benefits you would be entitled to if you leave.

What country are you in? You wrote 'mom', so I'm assuming not UK?

maybe Get properly in touch with family and friends to start having a bit of a better support network with you. counselling doesn’t sound like it would work but it might? I don’t know that he would leave given men can think about kids and money and stay in marriages just to keep both. Is it just a lack of sleep thing on the whole family’s part? Doesn’t excuse any of it but possibly? I’d agree they stay somewhere else next time!