My husband doesn’t make a lot of effort with his friends. He rarely makes plans, and prefers to be a home. He has a few male friends, sees them less than once a year.
Background context- not long after we had our first child- who is now an older teenager, he had an affair with a woman from work and left. I stupidly took him back. There have been a few incidents over the years. One of his colleagues’ weddings where he was really friendly with a woman who he’d never spoken about and then ditched me with his work colleagues for hours- gut feeling about this one. He was super over friendly with a beautiful young neighbour who since moved out. Again nothing more than that as far as I know. Occasionally I’ve caught him looking at women, which he always denies. I haven’t made a big deal out of any of it.
Cut to now, and something possessed me to check his phone. After the affair and when I took him back I made a pledge with myself if I was going to trust him I would. I haven’t looked at his phone for all these years. There is a message there to a younger, beautiful ex colleague asking to meet up for a catch up. He says he doesn’t work near her on her days, but will ‘make an exception for her’. and he calls her ‘lovely’ which he does to women so not out of the ordinary. I told him openly what i’d done and seen. He says they’re just friends. I don’t know what to think but bad gut feeling and things have been up and down between us. I know he would like more sex. I’m exhausted with work and the kids. What should I do?