He wants to dominate everything

So you’re pregnant (in a foreign country?) to a man you admit despises you?

Oh, OP. This isn’t about carpet.

@Lollyp2 You're still having problems with him touching this other woman. Did you cancel the wedding or did you actually marry him?

You already knew you were at the bottom of his priority list. It's only going to get worse. Leave this time.

EtA just saw the post where you said you married him. Don't know how the laws in Brussels work but in the UK you wouldn't be entitled to much if any share of his house after a few months of marriage.

I'd leave and divorce a man like that. Disrespectful and ignorant.

Easy to get married, just as easy to divorce. He sounds controlling and treats you like the shit off his shoe. Get rid.

He’s an arsehole with a crush on his best friends partner.

Do you have support in Brussels if it goes wrong? You know he can prevent you from leaving the country with your baby if he wants?

If your support network is back in UK I would return asap. This isn’t a man ready for fatherhood.

Look at the title of your thread.
'He wants to dominate everything'.
This is your issue, not the doormat.
Is one of your required or desired characteristics for a life partner and soon to be co-parent 'dominating everything'?
I very much doubt it. This is a fundamental negative and not something you should feel obliged to work around. Dominating everything and making you feel belittled is a horrible horrible trait and not something that makes for a happy or worthwhile relationship.
Your latest post about not trusting him re another woman is the nail in the coffin.

Me and DP have had 5 major arguments in 20 years together, and 3 of them have been about decorating / stuff for the house.

We have very very different tastes, alongside which she likes a lot of stuff whereas I like rooms without much clutter. On top of that I don't like change, so my first impulse is always to say No (this is an impulse I've spent my life trying very very hard to squash)

So what used to happen is that DP would say "What do you think about getting a flibertygibbet". I'd reply "I don't think we need a flibertygibbet."

Now I'm expecting that if DP really wants the flibertygibbet, she'll argue her case. But instead she just says "OK then" so I assume she wasn't actually that bothered about it. Meanwhile I've mentioned about getting some knicknacks at various points, she's said "Do we need a knickknack?" and I've argued my case successfully.

Repeat ad-nauseum for 5 years and we've got a house with very few flibertygibbets, plenty of knickknacks and one DP who's about to burst into tears because I'm about to pooh-pooh one too many flibertygibbets.

And so the argument begins. She feels that I get everything my way, nothing in the house is how she'd want it. I feel that she doesn't speak up enough, that she's too much of a pushover and I'm happy to compromise as long as I know that she actually wants the damn flibertygibbet.

We resolve the argument. I agree to say yes more readily, she agrees to try to fight her corner. I feel massively bad that DP doesn't feel at home in her own home. We buy a bunch of flibertygibbets and I find myself repainting a room I painted 6 months ago because it turns out she really did care about that particular shade of maroon.

And then 9 months later she asks "What do you think about getting a whoojamawotsit?". I'd reply "I don't think we need a whoojamawotsit." and so the cycle begins anew.

3 times we went around this merry-go-round. And the last time I came to a realisation. I just don't care that much. Or rather I do, but I care less about living in a house decorated to my tastes, than I do about not making my DP feel like shit.

So now I just say yes to everything. I live in a house teeming with flibertygibbets. I will happily be the one to compromise because unknowingly I let DP compromise for 15 years.

I'd be even happier if DP had just been willing to fight her corner over the things she wanted though. I'm not saying my situation is the same as yours @Lollyp2 , but on the off chance it is, then speak up about the things you want, and just buy the bloody doormat.

Oooo best check out your rights asap.

why are you in Brussels? Are you working?

Leave, or stop suggesting/asking and just do.

It doesn't sound like an equal partnership.

What happens when you just go for it and buy something for the house? Or do something because you think it's a good idea?

I ask his opinion on something I would like to get for our home he meets it with " do whatever you like".

Is he being sarcastic or is he telling you to buy it if you want as he isn’t bothered either way?

Well there you go, he doesn't see it as 'your home' it's his home. It was perfect in his eyes, so can't see why you need to change it.

Just tell him how you feel, that its his home not yours, so you'll be getting some stuff just because you like it and want to feel like your home too.

Assuming it's your first, in 20 weeks his kingdom is going to be invaded with a riot of baby paraphernalia, babygros and muslins, shortly followed by a storm of brightly coloured plastic tat so he might as well relax about a doormat. Everything's about to change.

This, surely?

Who goes with their partner to buy a doormat anyway, thats odd.

Yabu to even ask him about purchasing such a dull item.
If he reacts badly to you doing simple tasks and purchases. Then he is controlling and of course, yes, you run, not walk, but run.

can you add to your info given about why you have to ask him to get a door mat?
when I was married, this wouldn’t have been a discussion, I would have just bought a door mat.

How long have you been together.
Who owns the property you live in.
Do you have DC together.

It doesn't sound like you're a team at all. Do you really both need to be involved in every little purchase for the house?

As others have said, why do you feel the need to ask his opinion about everything you want to buy or change in your home?

Being a couple doesn't mean you have to agree on everything, have to buy things together, or that you can't do something that the other person may not be quite so keen on. You still have autonomy in your life.

Just because he is a man doesn't give him the veto in your relationship. So either stand up for yourself or end the relationship.

Get rid. What is the point of this really!!!?? Permission for a door mat??? Seriously x

He obviously thinks you don't need a doormat since there is already one at home.

Why are you with this loser? It won't get better

Break up and move on