Help! I can't shake wanting a 3rd child

We went for it and had the third. It is so different to having 1 or 2. People talk about the impact it can have on your older kids - for me this impact has been positive I think. Maternity leave and then going back to work on very reduced hours means I actually spend more time with them. And they love the baby! What people haven’t mentioned is the impact of being a 3rd child. I have spent a long time carrying guilt and adjusting to the fact that my youngest didn’t get the same mother that the other two had - not necessarily worse, just different. Always on the go. Not much time for quiet cuddles on the sofa or taking lots of photos, marking milestones etc.

Having said all that I’m very happy with my decision and I love that we are a big-ish family. We don’t need anyone else to have a party. The kids are very happy and love having each other to play with. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Not in our case. We thought we'd want 2, didn't feel finished and had a 3rd and the family feels fully complete now.

Well we have to exist in a world which doesn't always align itself to our biological urges....I absolutely love pregnancy and babies...but I balance that biological urge with the reality I live in. All of us do, it just depends on what number is your limit.

I wanted 3. Was happy to stop there. And I've had 3 c-sections and am absolutely fine

Disclaimer, following your feelings blindly isn't always the best decision, but I think OPs situation sounds promising.

Not quite done is a real reason for having a child. It's biology for a start, designed to keep the human race going and is absolutely valid especially within the context of a happy, stable marriage. I've a third child because I wasn't quite done at 2, and feel like wanting another baby was reason enough to have one. It's like choosing to marry the person you love in real life over the guy who is great on paper but you've no real feelings for.

You have solid sensible reasons for stopping at two....and a wishy washy, not quite done, reason for having a third. On that basis, I wouldn't.

About 14 hours after my second baby was handed to me in the hospital, I asked the midwife how long I needed to wait to try again. It turns out my husband did not want any more and I tore myself up into mental gymnastics trying tell myself I was OK with two, that I was blessed with 2 healthy children and all the other reasons why 2 was enough. It became almost painful and when I started crying when I saw that an old school friend had her third, I knew that this longing was very deep and wouldn't go away.

To my utter shock, my husband had a totally unexpected and unsolicited change of heart. He wanted a third and thankfully we conceived very quickly. After the birth this time, I thought 'thank God I will never have to do that again'. Ibstruggled to breastfeed and persevered in part because I knew it was my last.

In all honesty, if my husband wanted a big family and said he wanted a 4th, I'd probably go for it as I love all the chaos, but that deep longing is gone. I'm happy with my lot and don't have any deep desire to have any more. I feel like I always knew that someone was missing from our family, and I don't feel like that any more 🤷‍♀️

My kids absolutely adore DC3 and I feel like she has been an absolute light in our lives, all of us. The thought of her not being part of our family just feels so wrong!

I didn't find having 3 a big change from 2. We still have holidays and go away on adventures. We fit them all in the car. If you and your husband want another child, I would definitely throw your hat in the ring another time.

Had 2 but really wanted a 3rd. Went through a year of physically longing for a third but hubby was never on board. In the end something happened that made me realise I had a lot to be thankful for. That was 4 years ago now and I don't regret it at all. We have a good life, kids are getting very independent as they are 9 and almost 12, we go abroad 2 or 3 times a year. I also work with kids with severe SEN. I see the strain on parents and relationships that it can bring. I know in my heart my marriage would not have survived if I'd have pushed it with my hubby and we had a child like that. It's definitely something that you need to consider. Best of luck with your decision.

A bit different but I long for a second. I think I'm at capacity with one sadly though so just trying to make peace with it. I'm excited for all the things you list. It's ok to want more and accept it's maybe not right for you as a mum.

You've wanted it this long and the feeling hasn't passed. It sounds like the sort of thing you'll regret and have to come to terms with if you don't try.

If you both want a third and can afford it then personally I'd go for it.

I had three and definitely felt done. I was glad I had the third, but had no thoughts about another one so it doesn't follow that you'll endlessly want another.

I know women who desperately wanted a third and husbands refused. In the end (years later) they were glad they'd stopped at 2 and felt they'd gone a bit mad.

I have two, felt completely done and never wanted a third for even a second.
That is to say, no not everyone has that longing for a third so your feelings are ‘real’ by the sounds of it to me!

The only difference was my incision on the inside had to be a lot bigger and up the way as baby was tiny and just about in my ribs 🤣 but baby was extremely prem.

Recovery was a bit rough due to having to walk to nicu etc but was still manageable and I was able to drive about 2 weeks later x

My thinking exactly - at least kids potty train and ultimately become functioning members of society 😆 my parents have a dog and constantly moaning about what a tie he is, how expensive, how free they’ll be when he dies…! They seem to adore him but I don’t get it at all.

Definitely this!! My teens are 19 & 16, it's exhausting and I'm very grateful for the age gap to my youngest.

We have three. There is a 10 and 6 year gap between the youngest and siblings.
I would recommend waiting, it gives you time to properly get back to normal and decide if you really want a third. Also, university is definitely an issue I'm very glad we will get more of a breather between the older two and our youngest.
The relationship between them is lovely, not at all disjointed.
I was 37 when I had my last and it was definitely my last, I knew.
3 csections over here as well.

How hands on was your DH with number 3 @Thedownstream ?

I always wanted 3. DH was done at 2, but he agreed to have a third because it was what I wanted.

Third has just turned 3 and it has been hard work! Don’t assume your third will be the same baby / toddler as your other two…. I had two well behaved, good sleeping, good eating girls. I now have a boy who slept terribly for two years, hugely fussy with food, and is just a whirlwind who can trash the house in 5 minutes emptying every puzzle and game out of its box.

it did put a strain on our marriage and I have often thought how easy life would be and how less tired I’d be if we’d stuck at two. This all said I love number 3 dearly and have never regretted having him. And I am definitely content with my lot now whereas I wouldn’t have been after two.

I’ve also noticed lots of our friends who stuck at two have got a dog, and have had all the trials and lack of sleep of the puppy stage and now the dog is constraining their freedom. At least you can take a baby everywhere with you! I sort of don’t understand getting a dog just when you’re getting your life back!

We were less on the fence that you sound and once we'd gone down the road of exploring idea......youngest is now 1!
Children are a joy.

Apart from when all shit hits the fan, mess is mess and noise is noise, doesnt matter how many you do it for. Feel like I'd be groggily getting toast made this morning for 1 child, may as well as have the fun and chatter from 3.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

I wanted a third when my second was about 6 months and have spent the last couple of years wanting another. DH was never really on board so I didn’t push as didn’t want him to feel forced into it. Now I am happy to stopped at 2, eldest has SEN and that takes quite a lot of time/ energy none of which was evident till second year of school. Also realisation that if we had another would be harder to do days out as different ages have different interests/ abilities ( and heights). It’s hard to know what’s right for you but I wouldn’t rush it.

Sounds like you can afford to have a third and you have thought about logistics. Your kids are still young and a third should be able to slot right in. I stopped at two as we have no family support around us and I could see that I wouldn’t have enough energy and attention for a third, however you sounds prepared for this. One thing I would consider very carefully is SEN, disabilities and or other medical difficulties that may appear with your third baby (or even your first two). I know everyone thinks it’s not going to happen to them, but it’s very common, especially SEN. And in some cases you don’t even realise it until kids are in school. It’s happened to us and while I won’t change a thing, I’m very mindful how much extra effort, money, stress and attention is required for one child and how unfair it is on the other one. Just something to think about.