To feel my DP essentially kicked me out this morning?

Good for you OP

Its a pile on because its so agressive and personal. The attacks on the OP for being needy, an oversharer, or trauma dumping are just bizarrely personal and vituperative. I think Mumsnet’s peculiar style of group reactive attachment disorder has been triggered and a large number of posters have decided to treat OP as a persecutor (and the bf as the victim) of the greatest if alll mumsnet sins: the sin of self care or self awareness. As soon as OP described herself as needing to share something she was no longer the ideal Mumsnet independent woman. She was committing the sin of “neediness” and was taking up the more important person’s time and attention ( the bf). How dare she even recall her university experience! After 25 years should’nt she have buried it all?

The funniest thing about all this are the posters who accuse her of ruining his celebratory weekend. She didn’t “ruin” or diminish his “big event” by treating him to dinner, having sex with him, and waking up in bed with him and discussing her dream. Does he need fuss snd vslidation the whole weekend or he can’t be happy? Why is this not the despised neediness and clinginess that the OP has been excoriated for?

edited to add: now it turns out he didn’t even notice what she said. Far from being to overwhelmed by dreaded lack of english phlegm he was just unaware that she had said anything at all. Now the posters who accused the OP of “using him like a therapist” and driving the poor man from happiness by having the temerity to share (poor, fragile, creature that men are) will turn on a dime and fault her for having the temerity to try to break through his natural male solipsism. Didn’t she know that men simply ignore most things women say?

Tell a professional counselor.

People who overshare & try to turn their boyfriends/girlfriends into/spouses into personal therapists are so tedious.

Either manage emotions oneself like an adult or get expert help if it’s that bad. Don’t dump it on others.

@AnotherNaCha I am married and in a "fun and deep and emotionally supportive" relationship with my husband. However if I woke up on a Sunday morning and decided to offload my MH issues and bring up stuff that happened 25 years ago, he would probably get out of bed and go downstairs to make a brew! And I wouldn't blame him!

There is a time and a place for talking about this kind of thing and, a lazy weekend morning after a night out celebrating is not it!!!

Any further updates OP? Hope you’ve sorted it out.

This is why I would never take relationship advice from Mumsnet OP 😂.

So many women on here just don’t understand or have an awful attitude towards men, when in reality they are pretty straightforward, and knowing men, he probably was only half listening to you OP 😂😂.

It sounds like you can sort it out.

That’s ridiculous really though because everyone has a past - including this guy she married. Alcohol problems don’t just suddenly appear.

This trauma dumping stuff is very confusing. If you can't tell your partner, then who can you tell?? And even if it was a bit much, he should have at least given you a big hug.

Some people are being ridiculously dramatic calling this 'trauma dumping' whilst of course ignoring that he talks about past bad experiences, because it's OK for men apparently 🙄
OP, personally I want equality in a relationship, not to be a therapist to a needy boyfriend who takes but doesn't give.

Because a pile-on is inherently negative?

*i statements

@echt I don't know

But people are trying to make op feel she can't talk about her feelings, which triggers me as I was in a relationship with someone who was narcissist and psychologically abusive and said 'why are you coming at me with high levels of emotion' if I calmly expressed how I felt about something at a quiet time using only in statements and literally walked out on me while I was very pregnant telling me I was too much. OP's post made me think of how he behaved with me and this could be early warning signs. Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking your feelings aren't important too op

Why is it a pile-on when many disagree with the OP but not when they agree?

I agree with this, men love to share all sorts of traumas even on first dates with me!

Op I don't know why everyone is piling on you
You're allowed to expect your partner to case that you had a tough experience and want to be kind to you and cheer you up when you're remembering it, that's basics of loving someone

Keep a close eye on how else he supports or doesn't support you. Now is the time when he will be beginning to show true colours including if selfish or narcissistic traits

So should she.

Oh for god's sake, if you want to be catty and sound clever & snarky, at least read the post. He passed a test the day before (at work, or a driving theory test or whatever), OP was helping him celebrate it.

Taking the morning chat out of the conversation had you planned to spend the day together before he asked you to leave? I’d be a bit miffed if I’d gone to my bf for the weekend and halfway through he said I want to be alone but you can come back later. It’s not like you are together all the time.

Hahahahah I saw it on Facebook as I was double scrolling on mumsnet and thought it seemed relevant. My bad 😂😂😂

All these people blaming you are absolutely ridiculous.

this guy (I can’t call him a man) sounds like an avoidant attachment type.

not worth it. It’s so not worth it. The push-pull, the pulling away any time they get too close, or someone confides,

if he shows a pattern of pulling away like this, it will be hell trying to build a relationship with him.

Or perhaps he just doesn’t want to deal with some moaner who wants to drone on about something that happened 25 years ago. That doesn’t make him callous or deficient. Most people want to look on the bright side and focus on the positives in the present, especially in bed of a Sunday morning.

It’s like the more I give him, the less he wants to give back. He never makes plans for us and I just feel maybe it’s all a bit one-sided

This jumped out at me OP. You are doing all the running here.

What would happen if you did not message him for a week? Would he follow up? How come he never makes plans with you? Does he reciprocate the efforts you make such as take you out or celebrate your achievements?

Only you know your relationship - but is he really into you or is this a relationship of convenience for him - to be kept light - i.e. he can can disclose heavy topics but he is not willing to support you back. Just a thought OP, wishing you all the best you deserve to be happy.

This.

Boyfriends are not therapists.

Especially after a mere nine months. If one needs a counselor one should find one. I’d run for the hills in this boyfriend’s shoes. Talking about a buzzkill in what should be a fun time of dating.

oi! Dr Seuss is great. It's funny and irreverent and approachable. It isn't awful metaphores and maudlin sentiments.