To feel my DP essentially kicked me out this morning?

When did sharing personal things with people we are close to become unilaterally called 'trauma dumping'? Life is hard. If someone trusts you enough to share their hardships, then comfort them. If in that moment you simply think about yourself and how everything makes you feel, abd how you shouldn't have to be burdened by others, then theres an empathy problem there. Especially when the 'trauma' is someone was depressed at uni and stayed in bed.

I'm sorry this happened OP. It must feel quite unsettling to feel you've shared something quite small but important about yourself, and your partner's next reaction to be that they felt weird and wanted you to go. However, you cancelling the evening might come across as passive aggressive or as a test to see if he knows what he did wrong. Thats not judgement - many of us can be guilty of this! The best thing is to set out clearly to him what happened and how it made you feel, and see how he reacts. Best of luck.

Beating yourself up distracts from goodwork on learning to listen to your gut more.
You are out of it and must now mind yourself and be kind to you.
Actions not words is a great saying that can be applied to all relationships.

Focusing in on a persons actions and how they treat you, rather than cheap words that ultimately mean nothing, is one lesson that you can take from this.
Really wishing you well.

This is why when there’s a red flag you run.

Well—whatever in re warnings about repeating old patterns . Take a beat and then focus, focus, focus on yourself. Make this a great year and the start of a great life. I am wishing you all the best!

Take time to learn from this or it will remain a pattern in future relationships where you waste months pursing men that treat you badly.

Read, Women who love too much. By Robin Norwood.

Read, Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft.

These books will help educate you.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk too as an added support.

Invest in yourself, not men for 2026.
Good luck.

Well it’s his loss. I hope 2026 will be healthier and happier for you

@AnotherNaCha I wish you happiness and freedom for 2026. I'm sure your life will be better without him in it.

You weren’t the dick here. I’d be patient until it’s fair to ask why you were frozen out - and if there wasn’t a decent reason I’d can him.

Also do you feel that this is normal based on your experience alone or is this also what you want? I feel a bit sad for you if your needs have not been validated and this is what you now know as normal. This is coming from someone who has been in a past long term relationship where my needs and feelings were constantly ignored and for me at the time I stopped sharing things. It's a very lonely place

We are so not compatible 🤣 I feel like an emotional connection (from both sides) is so important. Maybe I am too much one way and you are too much the other. If we could combine we might present as the perfect partner 🙂

I simply feel 9 months in is too soon to have so many deep and meaningful expectations. But I can only answer the OP from my experience and from what I would do.

I'm obviously wrong for you @sandrapinchedmysandwich🙂

No wonder the majority of mumsnetters praise their husbands with “we still have a laugh” and at the same time describe treatment so emotionally cold and demeaning that I wouldn’t expect it from other than an enemy as perfectly normal. The idea of companionship is totally skewed here in some way. It either can’t include empathy and compassion at all or women, especially, are expected to do without. The biggest mumsnet insult—or “thought ending cliche” is the phrase “you sound like very hard work.” It is almost always lobbed at women who make any kind of demands on men (or family).

Oh don't be ridiculous. When do you deem it an appropriate time to discuss less superficial issues then? The op has not said she has consistently discussed personal issues but she quite rightly expected a bit of empathy both then and also now she is quite unwell. How would you expect your partner to react if you were very unwell or if you confided a personal issue? I would hope your expectation would be with kindness and that would not make you hard work in the slightest

For some reason the post I was referring to was not quoted. This was directed @sugarspiceandeverythingnice12

Quite. This is an absurd sitcom stereotype.

You've been together for only 9 months

You often talk about deep subjects

You started to tell him about yet another issue of yours from 25 years ago

Now you're unwell and you're waiting to see how he reacts

Maybe it's me, but you sound very very hard work

I think there is a chapter in “why does he do that” about the abuser who masks, at first, with feminism and sensitivity. For some men it is a conscious or unconscious bid for attention snd praise—they can’t get it by being the swaggering, conquering, hero because thats not their thing but they can’t (cheaply) get praise/admiration/sex by posing as a sensitive, thoughtful, new man. Its just another form of narcissism though. When you really need their help and support they will vanish because lip service is all they are prepared to do.

Also, in your case, he suffered a narcissistic wound—he is crushed because you “were angry” and had stopped praising and coddling him. So there is no use—and it would be a lot of work—for him to recapture his feminist crown right now. He is withdrawing his wonderful self from you until you come crawling back in good enough health to tske care of him. Or dhe will dump you for someone easier, in good health, who he can fool.

Politely disagree, unless I couldn't move past something and needed assistance to work through it. I wouldn't want my therapist to know me better than my own partner.

Disagree. They barely see each other. Hard to say without knowing the ins and outs of what was said but the DP could have perceived this as trauma dumping.

Relationships are a matter of compatibility, as I see it.

Personally I would not be happy with someone unable to react to personal accounts of distress, or if they didn't even listen, if that was important to me.
However, it did happened to me at times, and I looked past that, and it also happened to me to be the insensitive or distracted one.

Likewise, I would be immensely grateful to find out early that someone is telling themselves that they are "bigging things out" for me quite insincerely. Because that would be a massive red flag.
I would expect them to keep "me me me" lists, to reveal that at some point in the future, to hurt me, to make me feel small and turn cherished memories into meaningless ones.
So, once I know, I could gratefully keep looking for someone more like me, who would try to never do that.

And, I really should point out, that "I am tired of your incessant chattering. I need some space, but it's not about you" will be understood by most people as being all about them being a endlessly chattering nuisance.
Similarly, someone hearing "sorry, it's not about you, it's about me, I need some space" and automatically turning it into their heads into "I am tired of your incessant chattering, I need some space".
Well .. to me that's a red flag too.

Then, other people will have very different needs, in terms of compatibility. Or even a more complex and nuanced way to see things, more understanding, more compassion, whatever. Nothing wrong with that.

OP, please stop chasing this awful man.

He really is not bothered and you are making so little of yourself.
He doesn't deserve you.
You are not compatible.
He isn't good enough for you.
I think he has been doing enough to draw you in, but in reality cannot give an atse and his mask is gone.
Any man who asked me to leave in such a manner wouldn't see me for dust again, yet you continue to pursue him.

Delete his number, focus on your health and getting well.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk
You are and deserve better than this.
Hope you feel better soon.

Sorry to say but maybe he just isn’t that into you or not the same way you are with him? Been there, the more you give, the more they take and the less satisfied you feel. Unless you can have a conversation about some of this with him, is it worth carrying on?

Regardless of the previous stuff, his reaction to your needing to be in hospital is not good. So you were wrong but he is very wrong. I hope you are ok.