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Original poster

Am I in the wrong to going to the hospital to check on my baby?

93 replies

TreeGum · 16/03/2025 20:55

I live with my friend 'Amber' and her 2 year old daughter 'Olivia'. At the moment, I am 27 weeks pregnant with my first child.

I do want to say that usually I do help Amber with Olivia quite a lot on a daily basis. Amber struggles with Olivia as she cannot handle her tantrums and I have had to calm both of them.

I have been feeling movements for a little while, but this morning when I first woke up and was moving around in bed, I didn't feel anything, which was unusual as I do feel something when I first wake up in the morning. I tried not thinking too much about it because I thought maybe the baby was still tired and started my day.

However, as time went by, I still didn't feel anything, so I tried having a sugary drink and certain foods, which usually gets a reaction and I still didn't feel anything. I have been moving around quite a bit, so I thought that might get some some sort of movement, but it didn't work. Sometimes when I tap on my body, I can feel the baby slightly, which didn't get a reaction.

I have had problems with bleeding, pain and infections from early on into this pregnancy to now, which Amber is aware of.

I started getting worried, so I contacted the number for maternity and explained the situation to the woman who said it would be best to come in and they can check the baby's heartbeat.

Amber and Olivia were not in since this morning and were still out when I left the house.

I drove down there and tried not thinking the worse. After I checked in and provided a urine sample, I saw the midwife and explained why I was there. She checked my urine, blood pressure and temperature and they were OK. She checked the baby's heartbeat and after a moment, she could hear the heartbeat and that it was strong. The midwife said that sometimes the positions of the placenta and the baby can cause a feeling of decreased movement and that I should feel more movement a bit later on into my pregnancy.

I thanked her and apologized as I felt I had wasted her time and she quickly said that I did the right feel as it is important to check if there is a decrease of movement and that's why they (the midwifes) are there.

I arrived home and immediately, Amber was asking where I was as she needed help because Olivia was throwing tantrum after tantrum and she couldn't get anything done. Olivia was having a nap at this point. I didn't realize she had messaged me as I had my phone on silent when I entered the hospital.

I explained about what happened and Amber ranted about how I shouldn't have bothered going to the hospital as I wasted their time and how the hospital already struggles because people go there for non-emergencies and that it's better to wait and see. Olivia started crying, so Amber went to see to her and I went upstairs.

She hasn't said anything to me since then.

I'm just wondering if I did the wrong thing about going to hospital. I feel like I did the right thing, but now I'm not too sure.

OP posts:
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CaptainMyCaptain · 17/03/2025 07:47

Tandora · 16/03/2025 20:58

Of course you did the right thing going to get checked OP- the midwife also told you so. Amber sounds like a user, not a friend 😕. Why do you live with her,?

This.

LIZS · 17/03/2025 07:39

Yanbu.You can't continue lving with someone who demands you are at her beck and call. You will probably have very different parenting styles too.

Strictlymad · 17/03/2025 07:33

So her kid having a tantrum is your issue and you should prioritise that over your baby’s health…. She’s no friend of yours

Londonrach1 · 17/03/2025 07:23

Yanbu. You needed to go to get checked out. I'd be looking to move out. Are you paying rent

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 17/03/2025 07:20

How have you ended up with this ‘friend’?

Are you in a relationship with them or are they a relative? Whoever it is they seem to be taking advantage of you. Put yourself first.

Cherrysoup · 17/03/2025 07:18

You’re not the parent. Can you move out? How are you going to cope with a new born while your ‘friend’ expects you to also parent her child? I don’t see this ending well.

HelenWheels · 17/03/2025 06:42

you need to step back from helping her
look after yourself

CurlewKate · 17/03/2025 04:36

I don’t understand why you’re in any doubt that you did the right thing. You must know you did. Is Amber gaslighting/controlling you?

Penguinmouse · 17/03/2025 04:03

It is never wrong to go to the hospital when there is reduced movement. Have a look at Kicks Count. Maternity units would rather check over someone whose baby was fine than pregnant women waiting and things being wrong.

CalicoPusscat · 17/03/2025 03:03

This should be a nice time for you coming up to baby's birth. I hope you're reassured you did the right thing.

People were concerned that it's not a very stable living situation at present, is there any partner/ex partner/family support? Amber has got it wrong if she expects you to play such a large role with her child.

Tbrh · 17/03/2025 02:59

I'd be looking for another place to live asap. Better to be safe than sorry OP, glad you are both ok Flowers

Wasywasydoodah · 17/03/2025 02:56

Hmmm… what else does Amber stop you doing so you can be available to parent her child? Working? Going out with family/friends?

fungibletoken · 17/03/2025 02:21

That seems like a pretty unusual home dynamic, but it doesn't change the facts - if you ever feel like your baby's movements have changed, you should go in. Even if that's multiple times. You're not wasting anyone's time - that's exactly what maternity triage is there for. You're not being unreasonable and you shouldn't owe Amber anything.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/03/2025 01:30

She's treating you like a partner that is a sahp and isn't pregnant. Such a weird dynamic. What a shame as it would be a great set up for two single mums if she was normal.

CatsWhiskerz · 17/03/2025 01:28

Amber can piss off and look after her own child! You absolutely did the right thing, I'd suggest finding your own place to live

Relaxd · 17/03/2025 01:10

You did the right thing but it’s also time to start managing her expectations as you clearly won’t always be there to help her with her child, as you become more heavily pregnant and once your own baby is born. You might add that you’ve been very happy to help out but perhaps it’s best all round to start stepping back so everyone can get used to things.

Worldinyourhands · 17/03/2025 01:06

You did the right thing going in. You should go back if it happens again - definitely.

But you should find an alternative living arrangement.

Anonymousemouses · 17/03/2025 00:23

It was absolutely the right thing to do. However, if there's a next time, don't waste time with sugary drinks etc, especially if the baby has been movinga lot before (i.e baby moves a lot more than usual, the stops), as a much higher than usual amount if movement, can mean baby's in trouble, if a quiet period occurs after, then poke, but don't waste time waiting.* *

Ella31 · 17/03/2025 00:17

Op, you did the right thing and ignore that friend of yours. I lost my twin sons a little over a year ago, i was 5 weeks before delivering them by section. The reason I went into the hospital for a check was because I had no movement at all. Sadly my first twin was gone and my second boy was born and lived for 4 days, until we had to let him go as he was so ill in the NICU. Now my story is rare in terms of what happened which I won't go into but you are never wasting the midwives time. I'm really glad your baby is ok. That's all that matters. I'm pregnant again, I'm 35 weeks and I'll never apologise for getting checked out. No one should have to bury their children

ammamug · 17/03/2025 00:15

If you have any concerns about the baby please get it checked every time! Midwives want to reassure rather than the worst case scenario!

Lavender14 · 17/03/2025 00:10

You did exactly what you are supposed to do in this situation.

It sounds like Amber was being extremely selfish in that moment and couldn't see past her own struggles with parenting. I can understand a mum being so frazzled that they react badly in the moment but the fact she hasn't come back to you later to apologise and check in on you given what a stressful day you've had is very telling. It sounds like you're potentially giving more to this friendship than you're receiving and Amber has become far too dependent on you regarding Olivia. I would be trying to move myself out of that situation before your baby arrives or at least I'd be sitting down with Amber and laying out ground rules and boundaries re: what you will and will not be able to do as your pregnancy progresses and once baby comes so you can prioritise yourself and your baby. Otherwise it's possible she'll be expecting you to still help out while you're recovering from labour instead of building her own parenting strategies and network. How do you think she would manage with Olivia if you weren't there? Would you worry about neglect or similar? I'm a lone parent and I live with other people. My son is 100% my responsibility and outside of pre arranged babysitting so I can go to work, I do everything myself. She's either taking the absolute piss or she is not coping and needs someone to step in.

Devianinc · 17/03/2025 00:10

Alright, so are you ok after every one telling you that you and your child come first. We haven’t heard anything from you and wondering if you’re ok and your baby’s okay. Just let us know. We’re onlly trying to give you advice but and we hope nothing but the best for you.

LilyJosephine · 16/03/2025 23:58

And how would you have felt if there did turn out to be something wrong with your baby and you hadn’t gone? Please try not to give this a second thought OP, you did nothing wrong - you are responsible for your own child, not your friends.

ETA: Single parenting is definitely very hard but ultimately we don’t owe anyone anything in this world - apart from to our own children because we are the ones who choose to have them. You did the right thing for YOUR child.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 16/03/2025 23:53

Were you previously in an abusive relationship? It seems to me as though you're in an abusive friendship with this woman.

Frostynoman · 16/03/2025 23:51

100% the right thing to do. They would rather see you than not so please do not let this make you question if you need to go in again in the future - your instincts are spot on.

You are in an unhealthy relationship with your friend and are being taken advantage of. You have to get out from living with them as she will make you prioritise her over your baby and that cannot happen.