Is 41 too old to have a second child

Fuck that!
I'm 44 with ds11 and dd5 and I'm tired.

The way I see it, we have to wait another 13 years til DH, who is 54, and I can start our life together and not have to worry about putting the kids first, baby sitters etc.

No way would I have another now.

It absolutely wouldn’t be for me and I’m 5 years older with young adult kids. Finally being free is the best feeling and being able to hang out with my kids without having a toddler sibling around is invaluable. You’d also be parenting a teenager in your 60s, sounds horrible.

I don’t think 41 is too old, and I also know people who’ve had children with a very big age gap and had a positive experience. So I don’t think either of those are issues. However, the fact you don’t want another one is obviously a major issue and for that reason alone I don’t think you should do it.

Another consideration is that it is statistically much more likely that the child would have some sort of disability or health problems, so it is not just raising a child when you are older and have less energy, but there might be complications beyond that

I had a child at 41, but siblings were aged 2 and 3 at the time. So quite a bit different I think.
It’s not too late to try if you both want to, but it may be too late for some women to have a successful pregnancy by now.
It doesn’t sound like you want to though?

To be honest I think it’s plain weird having a second child with an 18 year age gap when it’s not a second family / result of infertility presumably

Too big an age gap. It's not your age that's the issue here but the age of your existing child.

I had my second a couple of months before I was 42. But I had my first at 38.

i also thought you must mean 18 months and was all absolutely not too old if that’s what you want’. But you’ve been parenting for 18 years and are only just free and most importantly YOU DON’T WANT A BABY. Book a fabulous holiday in a luxury hotel and show him this is what child free living is like when you are still young enough to enjoy it.

The chance of having a disabled kid go up every year after 35, could you raise a child that needs 24/7 care for the rest of your life?

My mum had my brother at 39, I was 16.

I had a child at 40, now 41, they are 6 months now. Also, have a 6 yr old.

I don't feel too old and I don't care what others think.

If you want another then try, if not don't.

Your still young but It is too old to have a baby but thats my thoughts.

Think of it this way.
Op your in your 40s with a grown up child you are now responsibility free and have all your freedom back to do what you want your still young.
Baby days are over do you really want to go back to it sleepless nights child care schools cost tantrums etc etc and sign the next 18 year contract.
Its time to put you first now.
Parenting into your 50s maybe 60 them years are yours to enjoy.
You will always be a parent but the freedom of not having to parent anymore.
Go enjoy yourself now you have done your work and devoted the last 18 years of your life let the next 18 plus more be for you.

I'm the same age as you with an 18 yr old and 15 yr old. There's no way I'd want to start again! Plus I'm enjoying starting to do more 'adult' stuff as part of our relationship. But with us we will have seen out 21 years of full parenting I guess from having our first to the second turning 18. You're talking about the possibility of 36 years+ of full parenting because you've split it in to two. That seems crazy. I'd be way too knackered now and enjoying the start of that freedom.

I am 41 with an 18 year old and a 14 year old.....I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!
After 18 years (so far) of parenting I am more than ready to start taking it a bit easier.
I absolutely would not have another baby now, I don't think I could do it if someone offered me millions of pounds!
If you don't want another baby make sure your contraception is water tight and not something he could tamper with.

For me 40 would be too old, I had DC2 at 30 and that has been a lot harder than when I had DC1. I think it depends how you feel because for many people 40 isn’t too old.

I couldn’t imagine starting all over again though when your DC1 is 18. If they were toddler/ pre school age then it would be different.

What matters is whether or not you want to, and you don’t.

Does he mean you won’t discuss it, or you won’t keep discussing it indefinitely until he gets his own way?

YANBU. You don't want to have another child and therefore it would be very foolish to go ahead and have one to please DP. It's 18+ years forward to think of but you know that. Tell DP he can adopt a cat/dog/turtle or just find another hobby.

I'd be wanting me time. And us time. Lots of traveling and seeing the world. Doing hobbies didn't get a chance. Dirty weekends away.

You have already done parenting. Menopause and a toddler urgh

Its not too old. But the question is, do you want to do the whole parenting journey again. You could have grandchildren coming in a few years too. Running round a park with a small child is also a lot harder as an older parent. Your parenting journey with your first child you were quite young parents, now you will be quite old parents. Why not talk it through with him and you can talk about the challenges, pros and cons together.

What brought this on after 18 years? Why does he want you to be going through pregnancy, child birth and the baby/toddler years now when you're child-free at 41? I'd be questioning his motives to be honest.