Is 41 too old to have a second child

He was fortunate, lots of soldiers were on deployment to Iraq or Afghanistan 18 years ago.

Listen to his reasons but it’s your choice more than his and I’d say you have to be 100% in for it, more so than at a younger age, because of all the reasons outlined in the thread.

I have a cousin who had their first at 18 and second at 40 after the oldest left home.

i had my own at 36, 38 & 42.

Everyone is different and it depends if you want the freedom of life without revolving around children.

Totally we were the old mothers, a good 20 years on the primary teachers.
And I don't mean to scare anyone, but 46-52 if you are peri can be really hard, but christ 55-60 has been another level altogether.

Its as if I have aged in my soul and just want to dial down the pressure of being a present, available, full of good advice parent.

I want a quiet life and a bit of peace.
My friends feel the same.
Parenting at 60 is not for the faint hearted, an I have great kids.

When I think back to my decision making to have children in my early 40's I didn't have a breeze and was spectacularly naive.

Don't even go there about the ever present low level anxiety about not being around for them and the disproportionate grief when I hear of serious illness in my wider circle.

I don't have a single peer that doesn't agree with me. Baby stage is not the issue, its 15 years later trying to find the energy to fully be there for them as they deserve.

Not now, but historically, without any contraception available?

👀

Has op been back to the thread? I am still dubious that this may be a reverse of some sort.

Yep this! ^ This exactly. That's why I said, SHE (the mother) will ultimately be the one who will have her life upended if she has a child in her early-mid 40s. NOT her husband.... If she has a baby to appease her husband, and the marriage goes tits up, is he going to take care of the baby/have custody/raise it alone, in his 50s? And 60s??? LOL, like fuck is he. She'll be the one stuck with said child til she's a pensioner.

I think 41 is too old to have a baby. You'd be mad to have another given the age gap you've got.

Not too old in My opinion. I had mine at 35 and 40 but it’s caused me health issues. Not sure if that’s age related but you should go in prepared to be higher risk. Don’t regret it but I had 2 traumatic miscarriages in between ds1 and ds2.

Most women don't though.

Too old. I had mine at 38 and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to be older

Just when you are getting your lives back? Not a chance! Is he mental?!

is he having a midlife crisis. I’d be terrified he’d get me knocked up, realise the mid life crisis wasn’t about having another baby after all and leave me with the baby. I’ve seen it more than once at work 🤦‍♀️

41 is quite old. Having a small child when you're in your 40s. However, you would be almost 60 and have a teenager. The teenage years, as you will know, require you to be switched on. It is the most emotionally demanding period of being a parent and, undoubtedly, the most knackering.

Women have always had babies in their early forties.

Excellent post. Having a baby in your early-mid 40s is all well and good (if you can get pregnant!) as many people feel fit and healthy and fine then. But never underestimate how the menopause will fuck you up! You will age a decade in 2-3 years, when you are between the ages of 47 and 52! And having a primary school age child at 50, and a teenager at 60, is NOT something anyone should be aspiring to. Not for their own health and well-being OR that of the child.

@Huckyfell · Today 21:42

Do you want to be taking your kid to school when everyone thinks you are the granny? You'll be much older than the teachers even...
As everyone says, it's your choice.
I'm tired at 50 and my kids are all in their 20s

This. ^ I have known a few people whose parents had them over 40, and everyone thought they were the grandparents when they were at school. Mother 50, child 6, of course people will think this. Wouldn't be for me and I don't think it's fair on the child.

Given the age gap, I wouldn't. I've had mine quite far apart (my eldest is in his early 20, the middle two in their teens and youngest is 6) and I'm 43, nearly 44. I am exhausted with the youngest - in fact, literally just come up to find him in my bed. Zero point trying to put him back in his or we'll get no sleep. I have no regrets having any of them, but I'd say the older you are the more exhausting it is. If you're done, you're done. It's quite possible that in not that many years you'll be Grandparents.

This. The baby part is fine, its the late teens at nearly 60 is a total killer.
I have a lot of friends in the same situation and we are all wrecked from parenting in our late 50's.
And our kids are no trouble really.
The endless driving them around because we live in a city, they are girls and we want them to be safe means that life is a bit dictated by their social life and will be for a while.

Love them to bits but wouldn't recommend it.

As for going back to the baby stage after 18 years....absolutely shudders.🤯

You're just nearly getting one out of the nest and he wants you saddled with a new one to raise until you are close to 60.

I had my 2nd at 42, but my first was 5. There was not the age gap.

There are some real drawbacks to having kids later on life. How is your health? What if something happens to you during the pregnancy? Is you both ready to work your ass off into the late 60s and possibly 70s to cover another round of schooling plus trying to put away for retirement? Is he ready to help care for a child with disabilities? How's his energy for night feeds, playing with the kid. The older you get the harder it is.

My husband died when my kids were teens.

I don't think you can hide behind age as a reason. However, you should not have a baby you don't want.

Have an in depth, serious conversation with him. Listen to him, let him make his case. Then if you still don't want to have another, don't.

I had my first at 34 then an 8 year age gap (secondary infertility) and my second at 42. I am now 48 with a nearly 6 year old. So no I don’t think it’s too old BUT the issue is you don’t want one! I did, hence trying for 8 years!